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Life after being diagnosed/or self diagnose

Shohei79

Member
How was your life after been diagnosed or selfdiagnosed. For me I am the same person. Still I now see things from another perspective. I understand more but life feels very different. Many questions I ve had have now an answer. So how about you?
 
Things make more sense & I can now accomodate for what I need to survive as an autistic guy, instead of trying to pretend to be neurotypical.
 
I was diagnosed very young, and to be completely transparent, I didn't fully understand what that meant at the time.

As I've aged and continue to navigate the world, I've been grateful that I have an answer for why I'm a natural recluse and for how meticulous I am with many things.

I do feel though like I'm living in a world not designed for someone of my exceptional mind.

Granted, my country is getting better at addressing mental health and all that encompasses, but there is still much work to be done.
 
I would like to think that we are all a "work in progress". I am not the same person I was 2 weeks ago, let alone 2 or 20 years ago. Surely, my diagnosis has helped me better understand myself. I can give myself a bit of grace when it comes to certain things, and I can discriminate between my "autistic moments" and other behaviors. I have a better sense of the underlying mechanisms behind some of my communication and social difficulties, my sensory issues, how I perceive my world, my never ending special interests, etc. It is useful for putting things into perspective and context. For me, even if I don't like it, it is more important that I understand.

Knowing one's self is very useful.
 
My path is a bit different, I surmise, having read many posts in my time here. I think that the comments to me over something I said, or liked, or did labeling this or that weird, flagged that I was different, but my thinking on that at the time was "Isn't everyone supposed to be different and what is wrong with that".

Of course I masked heavily back in those days so as not to stand out too much. I did not think of it as masking back then, just blending in with the rest of whatever group I found myself a part of in the moment. Due to this, I made it through school an into adulthood with an ease that seems remarkable from my current vantage point.

I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's around @Shohei79 's current age and I have to say that it didn't alter me one bit. I was exactly the same after as I was before. Experience's through my before years had much to do with that and life continues to move me toward being easier on self and others after. However, I had no "aha!" moment or new flashes of insight, and I am now too old to care { wink-wink-nudge-nudge... }.
 
It's only been a few months since I was able to self-diagnose and admit to myself that I'm autistic, but I feel like I understand myself better now and am slowly figuring out how to deal with problems I'd spent my entire life thinking that everyone had and just suffered from like I did.
 
Explains a few enigmas, how could I be an exemplary employee. Yet over the years kept getting passed over for promotion while having significantly more education and experience than candidate who actually obtained the position. Getting told you are the companies most significant employee while concurrently being passed over for promotion. was very confusing. Quit a few jobs and moved on a few times. not knowing what the issue was very frustrating. Started my career as a lab tech on a coil coating line, ended my career as a lab tech on a coil coating line took courses on how to be a leader but nothing worked kept upgrading my education. varied jobs to expand experience painted everything from metal to plastic. World class expert on industrial painting even offered chairman ship of ASTM committee for printing on metal. very prestigious just prior to retirement so frustrated that I turned it down. Never even told my employer. Everybody knew how good I was but nobody told me. I imagine this is typical for many of us.
 
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I'd spent my entire life thinking that everyone had and just suffered from like I did.
Wait, what?!? That was an option?? I spent my life thinking everyone else had everything figured out and I was the only one that couldn't make it through life like a normal person.
Humm, next time I think I'll try it your way, seems nicer.
 
I have actually known about my diagnosis for most of my life, and it kind of has two sides to it.

One being that I know that the reason I have been so mistreated and bullied and abused is because I am autistic and most people are not. And that the average human being does not like people who are "different" or have an obvious disability or issue. So I always felt like I was to blame for that. I always felt like I was being punished.

The other side is that I understand myself better than anyone else understands me. And that I have a diverse range of interests and skills that bring me a lot of joy.
I like who I am, and I'm starting to learn, as an adult, that it doesn't matter if other people don't like me as long as I'm happy and secure with myself.
There are plenty of people who do like me though, and most of them happen to be other autistic people. So I'm really grateful that I have found this forum and that I have found irl support groups, because I have made incredibly meaningful and solid friendships that also bring me a lot of joy and make me feel loved (which was a feeling I didn't experience for most of my life.)
 
I somewhat self diagnosed a couple of years ago. I have autistic traits but as autism is defined by struggles, Im not sure if I do have enought problems to be autistic. The same happens to giftedness, I have self diagnosed but I feel too moron to be actually gifted and too intelligent to be actually normal. So who knows what am I.

From my self diagnose I have come to understand many things, that understanding has been painfull and has forced me to destroy the previous tales I told myself and reshape my view on my past. To acknowledge I do not belong to my "friends" group. To acknowledge that I am being actively ignored, to be aware of my envy-blindness and how I am unable to see when people secretly hates me. It has been hard. It is being hard.

It has not changed me but all the world arround me, all my perceptions.
 
I somewhat self diagnosed a couple of years ago. I have autistic traits but as autism is defined by struggles, Im not sure if I do have enought problems to be autistic. The same happens to giftedness, I have self diagnosed but I feel too moron to be actually gifted and too intelligent to be actually normal. So who knows what am I.

From my self diagnose I have come to understand many things, that understanding has been painfull and has forced me to destroy the previous tales I told myself and reshape my view on my past. To acknowledge I do not belong to my "friends" group. To acknowledge that I am being actively ignored, to be aware of my envy-blindness and how I am unable to see when people secretly hates me. It has been hard. It is being hard.

It has not changed me but all the world arround me, all my perceptions.
I feel similar bright, not gifted, while it took sometime to from distinguish acquaintances from friends.
 
Wait, what?!? That was an option?? I spent my life thinking everyone else had everything figured out and I was the only one that couldn't make it through life like a normal person.
Humm, next time I think I'll try it your way, seems nicer.
It wasn't lol.

Mostly because it was a big reason why I never asked for or sought help for these problems. Not helping was the rare times where I did try and get help (for stuff that probably had nothing to do with my undiagnosed autism), I was basically told I can't have these problems because I'm 'gifted' or that I could figure it out myself because of my 'giftedness'. ALSO the problems I was talking about are like my sensory issues and stuff like that - communicating with others and just going through life? That was a whole different story, very much felt like I was in my own separate bubble from everyone else's interconnected bubble and could only fake being part of this interconnected bubble pretty much.

It sucked and I still feel like I'm in my own bubble most of the time.
 
For employment keep changing positions each position paid better plus added diversity to my experience also added further education something my peers did not do yet their careers were progressing. worked out OK in end but my journey was much more convoluted. Went full circle.at the end with an order of magnitude greater renumeration. My experience is like a painting on a canvas with every part covered with paint no blank spots pre paint to post paint, considered separate industries. Familiar with all major products that are painted.
 
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Explains a few enigmas, how could I be an exemplary employee. Yet over the years kept getting passed over for promotion while having significantly more education and experience than candidate who actually obtained the position. Getting told you are the companies most significant employee while concurrently being passed over for promotion. was very confusing. Quit a few jobs and moved on a few times. not knowing what the issue was very frustrating. Started my career as a lab tech on a coil coating line, ended my career as a lab tech on a coil coating line took courses on how to be a leader but nothing worked kept upgrading my education. varied jobs to expand experience painted everything from metal to plastic. World class expert on industrial painting even offered chairman ship of ASTM committee for printing on metal. very prestigious just prior to retirement so frustrated that I turned it down. Never even told my employer. Everybody knew how good I was but nobody told me. I imagine this is typical for many of us.
This sounds very familiar, @Ronald Zeeman. It’s tough being held back over autism.

I didn’t self diagnose until my technical career was long over. I’m pretty severely learning disabled in the classroom, so the formal education route wasn’t an option. But I’m good with manuals and naturally view things from the overhead, system level view. When it becomes obvious that you have a better grasp of things than your boss, the moist air hits the potassium.

I spent years working for people who, I felt, had a poor grasp both of the hardware and of the human system around it. At some point, for whatever reason, I broke. I went to the boss’s boss’s boss and laid out my case, and made clear I would not continue to use my own hard-earned knowledge and understanding to prop up the inefficient regime in place.

Decades later, I am still amazed at the way it worked out. Something about taking a stand on efficiency, maybe. Those years wore my soul and soured me to the average American worker, who I felt was willing to take money for the least work possible. Heads rolled, procedures and paperwork changed dramatically. Humans had never been among my greatest supporters, and many lowered their opinions of me. The US military, who rated the contract and assigned award, ranked me as a perfect 10 (on a 1-10 system) on all but one of my trimesterly evaluations, which netted my employer full contract value. I’ve been repeatedly reminded that a single 10 had never before been awarded at that major installation, let alone years on end. I was never disallowed anything, except a 4-day work week, which they were afraid the other contracts would all want, which was simply too many moving parts for a world-class missile test facility.

I believe it happened because I had had enough. You think you know more or better than me? That’s fine, but you had better be prepared to run that horse, because I will give you a run for your money. I had spent a lifetime being ordered around and had a better way.

As the Lord would have it, I wrecked my back and had to leave that life behind, all my glory mingled in my dust. Now, I thank Jesus for that painful kindness. I was not happy there, except for the exhilaration of rolling success, an affirmation that I’m not as vacant as I look, a victory over mediocrity. But, day to day, it was a harrowing experience of trying to make sense to the insensible.

Now, I see that my autism both provided me the insight to make systemic change without disruption, and also kept from me the social skills to do so without hurting others who don’t share my drive for excellence. Oops. I mean my curse of perfectionism.
 
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This sounds very familiar, @Ronald Zeeman. It’s tough being held back over autism.

I didn’t self diagnose until my technical career was long over. I’m pretty severely learning disabled in the classroom, so the formal education route wasn’t an option. But I’m good with manuals and naturally view things from the overhead, system level view. When it becomes obvious that you have a better grasp of things than your boss, the moist air hits the potassium.

I spent years working for people who, I felt, had a poor grasp both of the hardware and of the human system around it. At some point, for whatever reason, I broke. I went to the boss’s boss’s boss and laid out my case, and made clear I would not continue to use my own hard-earned knowledge and understanding to prop up the inefficient regime in place.

Decades later, I am still amazed at the way it worked out. Something about taking a stand on efficiency, maybe. Those years wore my soul and soured me to the average American worker, who I felt was willing to take money for the least work possible. Heads rolled, procedures and paperwork changed dramatically. Humans had never been among my greatest supporters, and many lowered their opinions of me. The US military, who rated the contract and assigned award, ranked me as a perfect 10 (on a 1-10 system) on all but one of my trimesterly evaluations, which netted my employer full contract value. I’ve been repeatedly reminded that a single 10 had never before been awarded at that major installation, let alone years on end. I was never disallowed anything, except a 4-day work week, which they were afraid the other contracts would all want, which was simply too many moving parts for a world-class missile test facility.

I believe it happened because I had had enough. You think you know more or better than me? That’s fine, but you had better be prepared to run that horse, because I will give you a run for your money. I had spent a lifetime being ordered around and had a better way.

As the Lord would have it, I wrecked my back and had to leave that life behind, all my glory mingled in my dust. Now, I thank Jesus for that painful kindness. I was not happy there, except for the exhilaration of rolling success, an affirmation that I’m not as vacant as I look, a victory over mediocrity. But, day to day, it was a harrowing experience of trying to make sense to the insensible.

Now, I see that my autism both provided me the insight to make systemic change without disruption, and also kept from me the social skills to do so without hurting others who don’t share my drive for excellence. Oops. I mean my curse of perfectionism.
Thank like I thought shows I am not the only one I use my social skills behind the scenes one one to one became friends with the engineering manager, who got me he was a chemical engineer I am a chemical engineering technologist. he had the power to authorize my suggestions.
 
What really pissed me off was two years before my retirement? The plant manager decided that they needed to hire a quality engineer as we had been bought out by a larger coil coater. who wanted to expand our very successful printing to some of their other plants? I applied for the position; they did not even consider me 40 years' experience.
honours student. as far as I know they still have not been able to transfer my knowledge to the other plants they do not want their competitors to know who I am. Worst off all they had the gall to ask me to stay on after retirement.
 

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i have to wonder if i had known i was autistic my whole life would i have even achieved what little i did?
Not knowing, i constantly fought back, pushed myself beyond others, and did the best i could. But the whole time i never really stood a chance.
Now that i know, i've been relieved of the burden and shame of not fitting in and blunt of my multiple failures.
On the other hand, i don't fight back anymore. Or...hardly at all. Now i am seeking to be accepted for what i am, and it's not just some guy with autism and is a little different. A lifetime of dealing with autism without knowing has left me a broken person to a degree most would not want to interact with. This leaves me to keep pretending to be a person and trying to get along on their terms. However, i'm at a point i just don't care anymore.
 
It wasn't lol.
That stinks. Sorry you had to deal with that.

Well then I guess the only other option is for someone to teach NTs to be more accepting or at least be less hateful to people who are slightly different in one aspect or another. And to get others to understand that a person probably knows their own mind better then someone else, so when they say they have a problem that it's actually a problem.
I've got other plans today, so maybe someone else could take care of fixing that aspect of NTs.
 
When I left college, I expected to be noticed, start climbing the ladder quickly. Stayed almost five years on first job applied for supervisor's position got passed over, quit continued to next position. again, tried for supervisor position
a couple of times started to take courses. to improve odds next time opportunity came available stayed just sort of 8 years left when plant closed. kept up grading my education incrementally certificate, advanced certificate then finally diploma Chemical technician- coatings. good positions followed still unable to climb. developed strong interest in quality. The whole time getting more and more frustrated, finally found position on a coil line again fit my experience and education like a glove. multiple substrates. thousands of colours, every resin system you could imagine, multiple treatment systems basically the major leagues of painting. Even here I got passed over for lab supervisor. even though I was the lab. twenty-one years later I retired. NT's cannot see pass their nose.
 
NT's cannot see pass their nose.
Well we see you. I'm sorry for the obvious frustration and missed opportunities.
But that's super impressive to be offered a chairperson-ship on a major panel and graduating with honors. And even if you wanted more it does sound pretty bad a@$ to have been the most knowledgeable and capable person in such an impressive sounding lab.

Honestly I think we should give more respect to experts. In most fields the promotion track is to step away from whatever the primary job is and manage people. So if one is amazing at a technical skill but not great at social skills that one looks and feels like a failure, getting less pay and less recognition then their piers, even as they grow in knowledge and skills, all while actually doing the primary task the job is supposedly based around.
 

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