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Wait, what?!? That was an option?? I spent my life thinking everyone else had everything figured out and I was the only one that couldn't make it through life like a normal person.I'd spent my entire life thinking that everyone had and just suffered from like I did.
I feel similar bright, not gifted, while it took sometime to from distinguish acquaintances from friends.I somewhat self diagnosed a couple of years ago. I have autistic traits but as autism is defined by struggles, Im not sure if I do have enought problems to be autistic. The same happens to giftedness, I have self diagnosed but I feel too moron to be actually gifted and too intelligent to be actually normal. So who knows what am I.
From my self diagnose I have come to understand many things, that understanding has been painfull and has forced me to destroy the previous tales I told myself and reshape my view on my past. To acknowledge I do not belong to my "friends" group. To acknowledge that I am being actively ignored, to be aware of my envy-blindness and how I am unable to see when people secretly hates me. It has been hard. It is being hard.
It has not changed me but all the world arround me, all my perceptions.
It wasn't lol.Wait, what?!? That was an option?? I spent my life thinking everyone else had everything figured out and I was the only one that couldn't make it through life like a normal person.
Humm, next time I think I'll try it your way, seems nicer.
This sounds very familiar, @Ronald Zeeman. It’s tough being held back over autism.Explains a few enigmas, how could I be an exemplary employee. Yet over the years kept getting passed over for promotion while having significantly more education and experience than candidate who actually obtained the position. Getting told you are the companies most significant employee while concurrently being passed over for promotion. was very confusing. Quit a few jobs and moved on a few times. not knowing what the issue was very frustrating. Started my career as a lab tech on a coil coating line, ended my career as a lab tech on a coil coating line took courses on how to be a leader but nothing worked kept upgrading my education. varied jobs to expand experience painted everything from metal to plastic. World class expert on industrial painting even offered chairman ship of ASTM committee for printing on metal. very prestigious just prior to retirement so frustrated that I turned it down. Never even told my employer. Everybody knew how good I was but nobody told me. I imagine this is typical for many of us.
Thank like I thought shows I am not the only one I use my social skills behind the scenes one one to one became friends with the engineering manager, who got me he was a chemical engineer I am a chemical engineering technologist. he had the power to authorize my suggestions.This sounds very familiar, @Ronald Zeeman. It’s tough being held back over autism.
I didn’t self diagnose until my technical career was long over. I’m pretty severely learning disabled in the classroom, so the formal education route wasn’t an option. But I’m good with manuals and naturally view things from the overhead, system level view. When it becomes obvious that you have a better grasp of things than your boss, the moist air hits the potassium.
I spent years working for people who, I felt, had a poor grasp both of the hardware and of the human system around it. At some point, for whatever reason, I broke. I went to the boss’s boss’s boss and laid out my case, and made clear I would not continue to use my own hard-earned knowledge and understanding to prop up the inefficient regime in place.
Decades later, I am still amazed at the way it worked out. Something about taking a stand on efficiency, maybe. Those years wore my soul and soured me to the average American worker, who I felt was willing to take money for the least work possible. Heads rolled, procedures and paperwork changed dramatically. Humans had never been among my greatest supporters, and many lowered their opinions of me. The US military, who rated the contract and assigned award, ranked me as a perfect 10 (on a 1-10 system) on all but one of my trimesterly evaluations, which netted my employer full contract value. I’ve been repeatedly reminded that a single 10 had never before been awarded at that major installation, let alone years on end. I was never disallowed anything, except a 4-day work week, which they were afraid the other contracts would all want, which was simply too many moving parts for a world-class missile test facility.
I believe it happened because I had had enough. You think you know more or better than me? That’s fine, but you had better be prepared to run that horse, because I will give you a run for your money. I had spent a lifetime being ordered around and had a better way.
As the Lord would have it, I wrecked my back and had to leave that life behind, all my glory mingled in my dust. Now, I thank Jesus for that painful kindness. I was not happy there, except for the exhilaration of rolling success, an affirmation that I’m not as vacant as I look, a victory over mediocrity. But, day to day, it was a harrowing experience of trying to make sense to the insensible.
Now, I see that my autism both provided me the insight to make systemic change without disruption, and also kept from me the social skills to do so without hurting others who don’t share my drive for excellence. Oops. I mean my curse of perfectionism.
That stinks. Sorry you had to deal with that.It wasn't lol.
Well we see you. I'm sorry for the obvious frustration and missed opportunities.NT's cannot see pass their nose.