Kids on the spectrum lying

[Sthira]

My son (diagnosed with ASD) who recently turned 5 can be a pretty effective liar and seems to have taken to it a bit over the past few months. He doesn't use it very often to get out of hot spots, thankfully, though it does happen. He mostly seems to like to use it as a comedic device (really funny for him as it usually involves some lie deftly designed to invoke panic in me) or a way of testing/pushing people to get a reaction (oh, he likes to do that a lot -- I'll make another post about that some other time.) Now, I've heard that people on the spectrum tend not to lie or can't lie very effectively when they try. Is that really the case?

 

[AsheSkyler]

Most people on the spectrum aren't big fans of lying and tend to be very bad at it. Some of us, however, are really good at it and professional-grade sneaks.

 

[Lena_C]

According to the information given above, I think your son doesn't know that it is "lying" in your standard.
As you said, he doesn't use it very often and seems enjoy use it as comedy device or just want to get your attention/reaction.
Here is the point, this may be his kind of humor and testing people is a kind of aspie things.
You may find it unbelievable or doesn't make sense to you, but this is why ASD is so different to NT.
I don't think your son is a real liar.
I might be wrong though.

 

[RidingDutchman]

I personally didn't get lies back then, my parents tried to tell me the concept of a white lie when I was 6 (we wanted to do something for the 12.5 year anniversary of my parents but school didn't give days off for that so they called me in sick) I couldn't possibly understand why one would lie about anything because that wasn't fair.

Up till today i really hate lying and liars but in between I had a short moment where I made a lie to get out of something. It was a big revelation to me that you could say things to trick people so I had a short time where I "tested" this new system. This might be a similar phase to what your son now has. If it doesn't become lying about bigger things and just comedic effect and such, I wouldn't worry too much about it, aspies often want to try things after they learn them and our lack of social skills often involves pushing it a bit too far because we can't really see the boundaries. Make sure to bring these boundaries in a clear and sensible way so that he gets them as well.

I hope this helped in any way

 

[Ylva]

I'll lie in self-defense. I think Lena has a point; NTs "lie" when they joke or are sarcastic, so maybe he's just appropriating the culture.

 

[capybara]

I was a compulsive liar when I was a kid, most often to escape punishment and the like. I still do it sometimes out of habit, but I'm trying my very best to stop it. But, to be honest, as long as they are relatively "small" lies, I wouldn't worry too much. It most likely will go away with age.

 

[Progster]

I think that he is doing it to get a reaction and finds it funny. I think that most people with ASD understand the concept of lying, including white lies by the time they reach their teenage years, and many will lie themselves at some point or if necessary, but it doesn't feel right. Telling lies makes me feel very uncomfortable. I undertand the concept of white lies, but it makes me feel very uneasy and I don't like to tell them at all. I can't tell such a lie convincingly and I'm a very bad liar.

 

[Suzanne]

I learned how to lie at a very young age, due to being raised by a father who was a peodophile. I also have an excellent long memory and thus, combined means I sadly, can lie very effectively but HATE lying!

I lie in self defense or because I see that no good telling the truth, will come out of it.

The need to tell the truth, is always there, which I has got me in deep water before. It is like a burning fire inside and so, I have to literally walk away now.

I think your child is testing you out, rather than being a liar!

 

[Sthira]

Thanks everyone. I'm not overly worried about his lying because he doesn't do it all that often to get out of trouble, and besides that, I already have plenty of other things to worry about. I really just wanted to see if, as I've heard in the past, most aspies find it difficult to lie, because I'm not really seeing that in the case of my son.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I think I learnt to lie at the same sort of age as other children, and I certainly lied as a child, not a huge amount, but often enough, either to get out of trouble or for amusement as your son seems to.

One sort of lie that it took me a long time to get the hang of though is the 'white lie', such as telling someone their dress looks nice when they ask, even though you think it's hideous. It took me ages to get my head around the fact that a lot of the time people don't actually want an honest reply to their question. Apparently I still sound extremely sarcastic when I am answering these sort of questions even though I now try to give the desired (complimentary) response.

So, basically, lies for my own benefit I learnt easily and am good at, lies for other peoples benefit I took ages to learn and am still rubbish at.

 

[Sthira]

NothingToSeeHere, that is very interesting. I don't think my son tells white lies of that sort, but maybe 5 yo is still a little young even for a NT boy. He often gets kicks out of purposefully pushing buttons and annoying people, so I'd be pretty surprised at this point in time to see him tell a lie to avoid hurting someone else's feelings.

 

[Beverly]

I think he sees it as a joke more than a lie. Kind of a "Hey look, that tree across the road is on fire" then you jump and look and, nothing is on fire and, to him making you react is funny but, to him it's just a joke, not a lie with the intent of lying. He's young so may not fully understand the difference between that kind of joke and lying yet and, has them a bit mixed up right now.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Now, I've heard that people on the spectrum tend not to lie or can't lie very effectively when they try. Is that really the case?

I think it's an exaggerated and not quite accurate stereotype.

 

[Naturalist]

Your son might also be using the calculated "lie" as a means of learning theory of mind. By setting up a scenario he knows is not true, he can "see" that your awareness is different from his own. This is a very gratifying revelation to many young children (Aspies especially)--it is as if they have figured out one of the great secrets of the universe. I used to love to experiment with this when I was a child.

Sadly, I later fell into a habit of lying when I went to school and realized that the true things I had to say were not welcome. So I started lying, because if others made fun of the lie, it wouldn't hurt me because I would know that what they were ridiculing wasn't true anyway. Also, my mother was very critical of me and lying was a way to diffuse her criticism. Even as an adult I find I automatically lie if I think the truth won't be well received. Even if it is something as stupid as whether or not I like a certain food! A lot of NTs do this deliberately to save others' feelings, such as not hurting your grandma's feelings by saying you like her casserole when you don't really. But I only seem to do it to save my OWN feelings, or when I get confused about what is the "right" (socially acceptable) thing to say. It makes me feel ashamed later, but at least I can deal with that feeling in solitude.

 

[Suiseiseki]

 

[Neramo]

My son (diagnosed with ASD) who recently turned 5 can be a pretty effective liar and seems to have taken to it a bit over the past few months. He doesn't use it very often to get out of hot spots, thankfully, though it does happen. He mostly seems to like to use it as a comedic device (really funny for him as it usually involves some lie deftly designed to invoke panic in me) or a way of testing/pushing people to get a reaction (oh, he likes to do that a lot -- I'll make another post about that some other time.) Now, I've heard that people on the spectrum tend not to lie or can't lie very effectively when they try. Is that really the case?

I prefer not to lie, since it makes me feel guilty and i'm not a good liar. If i have to lie, i try to make up the most logical lie as possible, and usually get away with it. I might not be the best liar, but if i have to tell a lie, i'm pretty good at timing when to tell it. And it also helps, that people expects that your an honest person.