deathgrip
A mystery wrapped in an enigma.
meh. So i am feeling very down and couldnt get much sleep last night. But now i dont feel like i could fall back asleep from how i am feeling.
i understand i am just super confused and that is bugging me.
Last night i was on the phone with my very close friend.
I was starting to talk about something particular that has made me feel really good lately and was touching further on it, and then my friend suddenly just "had to go", for some reason.
i even offered, "i dont have to talk about this anymore if its too much" i know i can be a lot.
so i dunno of it was from this or just generally needing to get off the phone, she still got off the phone, but i am left with much confusion. i do need to talk about this kind of stuff with someone and she seems to be the only one who would understand. We are going to hang out this weekend, but when i talk about this subject (i wont go into detail because its actually insane to most but it helps me, and i dont want to have to explain or feel any judgement, so i am going to keep the subject very private,) i feel like i drain her when i bring it up. and i feel guilty.
That above, plus just generally feeling crappy. i am not quite in the miserable section of depressed but i dont want to get there either. Someone called me a pig today on the internet and that didnt help much even though it really shouldnt bother me since it was completely annonymous. Maybe its because of lack of sleep and possibly over thinking the phone laat night. My noise sensory is putting me slightly on edge rhis morning also. it could just be this.
i was wondering too, if anyone ever felt this way with their friends. i am probably the weirdest of autistics and i dont feel like i can say why out in public on here. Unrelated to the subjext of discussion on tje phone, i need therapy really bad but its hard to find anyone in my area thats willing to help an adult. Thats the part of autism that i hate, not being able to get proper help as an adult. Does anyone become enraged knowing that too?
It was suggested from someone on here to find an occupational therapist and i am going to try that out next.
i get exhausted looking for help and need breaks from being rejected and denied over and over for always some seemingly ******** reason.
i understand i am just super confused and that is bugging me.
Last night i was on the phone with my very close friend.
I was starting to talk about something particular that has made me feel really good lately and was touching further on it, and then my friend suddenly just "had to go", for some reason.
i even offered, "i dont have to talk about this anymore if its too much" i know i can be a lot.
so i dunno of it was from this or just generally needing to get off the phone, she still got off the phone, but i am left with much confusion. i do need to talk about this kind of stuff with someone and she seems to be the only one who would understand. We are going to hang out this weekend, but when i talk about this subject (i wont go into detail because its actually insane to most but it helps me, and i dont want to have to explain or feel any judgement, so i am going to keep the subject very private,) i feel like i drain her when i bring it up. and i feel guilty.
That above, plus just generally feeling crappy. i am not quite in the miserable section of depressed but i dont want to get there either. Someone called me a pig today on the internet and that didnt help much even though it really shouldnt bother me since it was completely annonymous. Maybe its because of lack of sleep and possibly over thinking the phone laat night. My noise sensory is putting me slightly on edge rhis morning also. it could just be this.
i was wondering too, if anyone ever felt this way with their friends. i am probably the weirdest of autistics and i dont feel like i can say why out in public on here. Unrelated to the subjext of discussion on tje phone, i need therapy really bad but its hard to find anyone in my area thats willing to help an adult. Thats the part of autism that i hate, not being able to get proper help as an adult. Does anyone become enraged knowing that too?
It was suggested from someone on here to find an occupational therapist and i am going to try that out next.
i get exhausted looking for help and need breaks from being rejected and denied over and over for always some seemingly ******** reason.