VernalSole1355
Well-Known Member
I'm... not OK. I feel very depressed right now, very lonely. Here's what happened.
So over the past few months, I made a move from the bigger campus of my church (avg. 2000 people) to a smaller campus of that same church (avg. 200 people). I am 18, a "Super" Senior (2nd year), and I am still taking part in the Student Ministry. I don't know if I will be here soon, however. Here is why.
I moved campuses because the big campus had a major growth (I'd say doubling membership), and that of course hit the Student Ministry. A lot of the leaders there knew me and had personal relationships with me. I had friends too. However, as the ministry grew, those people I knew slowly went away, leaders & all. I lost the personal touch. I felt abandoned, and I felt like I have had my friends swept out from under me by the sands of time. So I moved campuses to the smaller campus. The Student Pastor there & several of the leaders, we all hit it off. When I showed up to the new campus, obviously I started making friends. Which I was. I had a solid, 5 to 7 friends. Obviously, none of them were inner circle because I only knew them for a couple of months at the time, but I still considered them friends. And I hung out with them and exclusively them.
But then one of my friends (will be known as John) pulled me aside to tell me that another one of my "friends" (Jane) had called me a creep behind my back because I was "following her around too much". I immediately terminated that relationship with Jane and thanked John. As such, he got pulled up a stage. (Note that John & Jane are dating, so he was risking his neck there). Ultimately, nothing else came of it. But then someone else said I was being creepy, and over time, up until now, either people stopped hanging around me because they thought I was a creep or it just didn't hold. All but 1 of those friends are gone.
Now, one of the factors that led to this is that they all go to 1 of 2 schools, they see each other almost every day, even outside of school. I'm homeschooled, and for simplicity's sake an introvert. See the disconnect? I only had 1 of my friends (the one who is still with me, not John) phone numbers, and he barely texts/calls me or talks to me hardly.
I'm disappointed. I'm frustrated. Yet again I wind up on the short end of the stick. I am honestly broken by this. I committed to helping that ministry and even working with some of the Student Leaders to bring a special needs ministry to that campus. And now, it is falling apart like I've never seen before. Almost in a span of a couple weeks, everything fell apart. Kaput, Blam, done. And now, I have to tell my Student Pastor, who I love dearly as a brother and I DESPERATELY want to work with that I'm leaving the ministry to go to a Young Adults ministry at the other campus (18-29 y/o's) because I can't stay in the Student Ministry anymore, not for my own sake.
I've got lots of knives to the back, and I've been on the short end of the stick a lot. This one hurts. I am physically crying as I'm writing this. It hurts that bad.
To have so many friends, to finally get a personal relationship with some people after a year plus of not having it only for it to be ripped out from under you... And on top of that I had to break up with my girlfriend recently, but that's a separate issue.
That's about it. I appreciate being able to vent on here. Thank you guys for being a community that accepts me. I count myself lucky to be on this forum.
EDIT: I forgot to mention this. That group of friends I had at the big campus, specifically those in a "small group" that we did weekly have recently got in touch with me with my through the church's camp (we were all in the same cabin, so it was fun getting to see everybody & spend 5 days with 'em). We're gonna try to do some stuff together, so I'm not totally abandoned here.
So over the past few months, I made a move from the bigger campus of my church (avg. 2000 people) to a smaller campus of that same church (avg. 200 people). I am 18, a "Super" Senior (2nd year), and I am still taking part in the Student Ministry. I don't know if I will be here soon, however. Here is why.
I moved campuses because the big campus had a major growth (I'd say doubling membership), and that of course hit the Student Ministry. A lot of the leaders there knew me and had personal relationships with me. I had friends too. However, as the ministry grew, those people I knew slowly went away, leaders & all. I lost the personal touch. I felt abandoned, and I felt like I have had my friends swept out from under me by the sands of time. So I moved campuses to the smaller campus. The Student Pastor there & several of the leaders, we all hit it off. When I showed up to the new campus, obviously I started making friends. Which I was. I had a solid, 5 to 7 friends. Obviously, none of them were inner circle because I only knew them for a couple of months at the time, but I still considered them friends. And I hung out with them and exclusively them.
But then one of my friends (will be known as John) pulled me aside to tell me that another one of my "friends" (Jane) had called me a creep behind my back because I was "following her around too much". I immediately terminated that relationship with Jane and thanked John. As such, he got pulled up a stage. (Note that John & Jane are dating, so he was risking his neck there). Ultimately, nothing else came of it. But then someone else said I was being creepy, and over time, up until now, either people stopped hanging around me because they thought I was a creep or it just didn't hold. All but 1 of those friends are gone.
Now, one of the factors that led to this is that they all go to 1 of 2 schools, they see each other almost every day, even outside of school. I'm homeschooled, and for simplicity's sake an introvert. See the disconnect? I only had 1 of my friends (the one who is still with me, not John) phone numbers, and he barely texts/calls me or talks to me hardly.
I'm disappointed. I'm frustrated. Yet again I wind up on the short end of the stick. I am honestly broken by this. I committed to helping that ministry and even working with some of the Student Leaders to bring a special needs ministry to that campus. And now, it is falling apart like I've never seen before. Almost in a span of a couple weeks, everything fell apart. Kaput, Blam, done. And now, I have to tell my Student Pastor, who I love dearly as a brother and I DESPERATELY want to work with that I'm leaving the ministry to go to a Young Adults ministry at the other campus (18-29 y/o's) because I can't stay in the Student Ministry anymore, not for my own sake.
I've got lots of knives to the back, and I've been on the short end of the stick a lot. This one hurts. I am physically crying as I'm writing this. It hurts that bad.
To have so many friends, to finally get a personal relationship with some people after a year plus of not having it only for it to be ripped out from under you... And on top of that I had to break up with my girlfriend recently, but that's a separate issue.
That's about it. I appreciate being able to vent on here. Thank you guys for being a community that accepts me. I count myself lucky to be on this forum.
EDIT: I forgot to mention this. That group of friends I had at the big campus, specifically those in a "small group" that we did weekly have recently got in touch with me with my through the church's camp (we were all in the same cabin, so it was fun getting to see everybody & spend 5 days with 'em). We're gonna try to do some stuff together, so I'm not totally abandoned here.
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