It's my first post here. Hi everyone. Newly diagnosed and feeling lost.

[Lennie]

Hi everyone

I'm not really sure where to turn. I was looking for some kind of community or people I could exchange with. I'm 36 and I was diagnosed this summer. I've been feeling very isolated and misunderstood and I barely have any social contacts at all other than my girlfriend and my elderly parents

I love her with all my heart but since we started living together last year it's been very difficult. I often forget things or say the wrong things, I don't notice that the floor is dirty and it's time to vacuum, or I misunderstand things she tells me, etc. I've been extremely tired all year and I've had panic attacks regularly (usually triggered by an argument or if I'm taken by surprise when she's angry at me about something). Recently for example she was very angry because she came home from work at 9 PM and I forgot to prepare something to eat for her for when she came back (I thought she brought lunch to work)

We were planning to have a child but now she feels like I won't be able to handle things and she'll have to think of everything on her own, and it's a deal breaker. When I was diagnosed she thought I would quickly find help and get better but my first therapy appointment with my psychologist is next week so things took longer than we thought and she is losing patience with the delays.

I want to get better but our relationship is at a breaking point and it's extremely painful for me because I love her so much. We have so many beautiful memories together. But at the same time she has expectations that I don't feel capable of fulfulling especially when it comes to daily chores and every day life. To be frank, I'm terrified. My day to day life right now is I feel I'm walking on eggshells and I'm constantly afraid she's mad at me or that I'm going to do something wrong.

Anyway, sorry for the very long message. I never knew why it felt like I was so different from other people and to be frank I'm still processing my diagnosis. Hopefully therapy and exchaging with others will help steer things in a new direction

Cheers.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! If you haven't already, have you considered creating task lists / reminders for yourself?

e.g. on a certain day of the week, have the rubbish taken out, twice a week check this, etc.

 

[Alexej]

HI @Lennie


Welcome to the Forums.
There are a lot of us in here who can share your position.
You are here among friends, so pull up a chair and listen in to the conversation, look at some of the older threads where there is a lot of wisdom, and since you have jumped in listen to the responses.

 

[Rae Ray]

Hi everyone

I'm not really sure where to turn. I was looking for some kind of community or people I could exchange with. I'm 36 and I was diagnosed this summer. I've been feeling very isolated and misunderstood and I barely have any social contacts at all other than my girlfriend and my elderly parents

I love her with all my heart but since we started living together last year it's been very difficult. I often forget things or say the wrong things, I don't notice that the floor is dirty and it's time to vacuum, or I misunderstand things she tells me, etc. I've been extremely tired all year and I've had panic attacks regularly (usually triggered by an argument or if I'm taken by surprise when she's angry at me about something). Recently for example she was very angry because she came home from work at 9 PM and I forgot to prepare something to eat for her for when she came back (I thought she brought lunch to work)

We were planning to have a child but now she feels like I won't be able to handle things and she'll have to think of everything on her own, and it's a deal breaker. When I was diagnosed she thought I would quickly find help and get better but my first therapy appointment with my psychologist is next week so things took longer than we thought and she is losing patience with the delays.

I want to get better but our relationship is at a breaking point and it's extremely painful for me because I love her so much. We have so many beautiful memories together. But at the same time she has expectations that I don't feel capable of fulfulling especially when it comes to daily chores and every day life. To be frank, I'm terrified. My day to day life right now is I feel I'm walking on eggshells and I'm constantly afraid she's mad at me or that I'm going to do something wrong.

Anyway, sorry for the very long message. I never knew why it felt like I was so different from other people and to be frank I'm still processing my diagnosis. Hopefully therapy and exchaging with others will help steer things in a new direction

Cheers.

There are a lot of great people here to talk to. Searches in this forum may be of help. Welcome Lennie

 

[unperson]

There's a book called 'stop walking on eggshells'- people who make you feel that way often have their own problems.

 

[Giraffes]

Hi and welcome, not wanting to 'do wrong' and lose those we love is a driver but equally a opportunity to understand each others needs and a discussion about differing expectations and what's important to each person, share your problems, try to be vunerable and share your insecurities and be honest about things you are unable to give, show kindness and be sencire and honest in the hope that you can move forward together to a stronger and greater understanding of each other, i wish you luck and hope you find a way forward.

 

[Rectify]

@Lennie welcome to the forum. Sorry you've been having some troubles. You will find many people here who understand and can give advice. It can take a while to 'process' a diagnosis so that, too, is normal.

 

[tree]

 

[ASD_Geek]

Welcome! You'll find a lot of support and great people here!

 

[Lennie]

Hey everyone. Thank you so much for all the kind responses. It's my first time reaching out and to be honest I'm still sort of overwhelmed that there's a name for what I am and that other people have the same issue

I think my biggest problem right now is just this overwhelming exhaustion I'm feeling. Kind of like if I've been working 90 hours a week and my brain is fried.

 

[Aspychata]

We live in a fast expectations world. Like - boom- you are diagnosed- boom - problem solved. Let me think- nope. It's more like- here is the dx, now take sometime to process this. Then we will move on to the next step. We are works in progress. Maybe your timetable doesn't agree with her timetable causing massive conflict. Maybe she wasn't ready to deal with the autistic elephant in the room. Okay- just joking.☺

 

[Deepthought]

I think my biggest problem right now is just this overwhelming exhaustion I'm feeling. Kind of like if I've been working 90 hours a week and my brain is fried.

It is so not unusual to have a bit of diagnostic hangover and feel somewhat disorientated and exhausted for a while, with the basic requirement being recuperative identification and affirmation with and from those not unlike yourself.

Greetings and welcome by the way!

One thing that really helped me come to terms with things and make sense of my experiences was firstly reading The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood (a free PDF if the link works for you in your area) and then Look Me In The Eye: My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison (which is also a free PDF if the link works for you in your area).

The Complete Guide To Asperger's book allowed me to get my head round all my developmental and adult psychological differences, and explained pretty much everything about the difference between autistic and non autistic people and gave loads of workarounds, anecdotes and other sources for information.

The Look Me In The Eye book as being a memoir allowed me very much to relate with having Asperger's Syndrome ~ as there were some astonishing similarities in our life courses, and in balance some complete dissimilarities.

I mean obviously if these books are not your style there are quite a few alternatives out there, and there are plenty of YouTube videos by people on the spectrum if you are not so much a reader but more a watcher and or a listener.

Oh and with the exhaustion thing, I find having a couple of really long hot baths a week with at least 400 grams of bicarbonate of soda, 500 grams of pink Himalayan rock salt and 50 grams of magnesium flakes dissolved in ~ so as to soak away the toxic / acidic build up involved with the stress and anxiety thing. Or very simply just have a couple of baths a week with the recommended amount of epsom salts in!

Have a good one and may it involve very many more!

DT

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome.

...my first therapy appointment with my psychologist is next week...

I hope your counselor is autism-competent. (That is rare, especially for ASD1.)
If they are, bring your girlfriend along. They might be able to bring your girlfriend up to speed and offer her some practical hints.

If you are in the USA, Autism Society of America often holds local, public seminars along the same lines.

See Autlanders, Thriving Outside of the Box: Finding Support Resources in the USA...

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome Lennie!
I lived my life with my parents and a few close relationships that each lasted for many years.

The stress of feeling I need to be on constant alert when living with someone else, along with not having
the desire for children, kept me on the devoted and happiness side of staying single.
The constant stress of feeling you must act and live certain ways due to living together can create
that persistant feeling of fatigue.

Hope it balances out to your desires.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Welcome, @Lennie. I hope you find this forum as welcoming and helpful as I have.

Anyway, sorry for the very long message.

Everyone says that and messages are never that long. I've come to expect it in introductory posts, like it's part of an autism checklist.

 

[Diego]

welcome

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Hello, forums newbie! I hope you enjoy your stay.

 

[menander]

Welcome. I hope you like it here I hope you don't look at your ASD as something that needs to be fixed. It can't be "fixed" because it's who you are. The only trouble is others have a hard time. But many do not. I hope your GF find therapy with you so she can understand. You ARE who you are and it won't change. She will have to decide if she can accept you just as you are. Many can't but a whole lot can. I hope she can

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. It's not great to read about your partners attitude, and although it's always worth working on challenges in relating, if someone can't be patient and love you enough to work with you on differences or difficulties, then that can make it hard to go forward with them. Blaming you isn't constructive, and you sound stressed.

Most people find living together tough at first in some ways, and I also wonder if the two of you have a lack of support from others? Most people are not 100% enough for their partner, I hope you both have others who support you, or outside interests, including work.

I hope you find it supportive here.