Is the way body language described in books realistic?

[Puppywings49]

I've always been confusde about this. It always seemed like exaggeration to me, to more clearly show without telling what the characters are feeling. For example,

"His shoulders tensed, and I trailed off, not wanting to upset him with discussion of a touchy subject."

I understand from context that his shoulders tensing means he is uncomfortable or upset. But I never notice these things in real life.

My friends, when I asked, just shrugged. My sister just laughed a bit and didn't answer. I don't want to ask my father because he'll respond with a thirty minute non-answer.

My mom, however, says that it's not exaggeration, and that it's actually very limited and picked through compared to real life.

So to any non-autistics who may be reading this: are body language descriptions in books realistic? If it is, how do you keep up with all of that information?

 

[Dwoops]

I don’t know how much my input will help as I am fairly certain I am an aspie (it keeps autocorrecting aspie to aspire, it is so annoying).
I do hardly notice these things unless I really pay attention to them, which I don’t very often. When I do however, I can see a lot of similarities between how books describe it and what people do. When people are uncomfortable they sometimes shift themselves, or something like it. I notice it myself sometimes too, but that is mostly me being self conscious.
I think that people do indeed give these subtle clues and that most of the time I don’t pick up on them. I think that is one of the big things about ASD. We don’t notice the little things like that. I also believe that for neurotypical people it is more of a second nature sort of thing. They automatically pick up on it after a lifetime of practice, something that neurodiverse people struggle to do.
I find it really interesting that you bring this point up as I never even noticed this. The funny thing is I never cared about it when books say things like that, I am always concerned about things like plot. Kind of similar to real life where I don’t notice/care about those minor things people do.
That’s my two cents on it, to recap shortly. I think neurotypical people pick up on those subtle clues like tensing automatically, whereas neurodiverse do not(unless they practice or try to). This is one of the problems of communicating.
Another final thought, it is also hard for me to see these things because I don’t necessarily know what they mean or how people are feeling. For example I generally can’t tell if someone is uncomfortable unless it is super obvious, which makes it harder for me to pick up on subtle clues and learn what they mean.

 

[Mary Terry]

Some books are accurate; other books exaggerate body language descriptions or describe unrealistic body language. Some NTs are more attuned to watching and interpreting body movements than others. I think some professions and jobs benefit from the observer's ability to detect and interpret body language such as law enforcement officers, attorneys, jurors, and health care workers.

It is said that liars tend to shift their eyes downward to the left when they are lying. The mouths and chins of people who are afraid tend to quiver. Defiant people tend to cross their arms in front of them and to cross their legs. People shiver when they are cold. People tend to widely open and blink their eyes when startled.

Body language is not a science but there can be clues in body language as to what the person is doing or thinking. NTs generally don't memorize or need to memorize the meanings of body language. It is just an innate part of their psychology, probably part of human evolution to protect themselves from danger or to comfort someone else. Mothers observe their infants to watch for subtle body language clues that might indicate what is going on the baby.

 

[Mary Anne]

Police and social workers, and lots of jobs require understanding body language. Of course it can be misleading and people get it wrong all the time (just watch American news for all the violence committed by police nowadays due to lack of understanding of body language). Nothing is perfect. But understanding it is really important to peacefully exist in this overfilled world of humans.

It’s sort of learned at a young age, or just is. I am half NT and never even thought about the inability. This sounds so awful.
My thing is not understanding tone of voice both in speech and in writing, and have difficulties with that. I try saying something and people think I am saying or meaning something completely, different. I am often confused by what is said. But most body language I understand.

 

[Bolletje]

In my (Aspie) opinion, it's usually fairly accurate. I'm very good at picking up the slightest changes in body language, and you really can tell.

 

[LucyPurrs]

There are some good videos on this for those who have difficulty reading body language. Also it's part of the emotional intelligence course. Check out Asperger's on the Inside's videos on YouTube.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I can't provide you non-autistic input here, but I can sympathize with the confusion. I think much of it stems from the fact (for me at least) that many autistic-aspergers (I hate that word) don't display this body language for our feelings. In my case, almost always, if someone comments on how they think I'm feeling they get it completely and wildly wrong. On occasion, I've asked why they thought that and the answer is almost always, "your body language".

People can more easily identify with something that is part of their own experience. In my mind, everyone should be more complex than the sweeping generalizations involved in reading body language. The truth, it seems, is that they are, actually, not overly complicated. I think some of us look for complications where they don't exist. For most A-----B and that is that, for those on this spectrum it's A-------B or C or D or E or F......etc. to the point where a determination can't be made.

 

[Theta.G]

These things are more individualized... there are a few one-size-fits-all conclusions however if someone blindy takes what they learn from the book and apply to every person they can and will be reading people wrong. Mental illnesses and personality quarks are usually what offset an accurate read. Both are abundant in the populace. An NT friend of mine is an expert in psychology yet still struggles reading people with mental illnesses or personality quarks.

You'd probably be a better judge by getting to know the person. Once i know someone well enough, interact with regularly for a couple months. Then i can accurately predict their behaviors and thoughts. Reactions and responses. Through logical and deductive reasoning i get accurate answers. The body language isn't necessary to read it's something people can mask. NT's are adept at masking.

 

[clg114]

Not recognizing non-verbal communication is one of the main symptoms of ASD. As for myself, body language just goes over my head.