JNZ
Active Member
Hi, I’m new to this forum. Just want to introduce myself and get some perspective. I’ve been trying to find appropriate meds to treat depression and anxiety, and mild psychosis. I’m 20. I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I noticed antipsychotics are sometimes used to treat symptoms of autistim. And I’ve been responding well to low dose of seroquel, much better than antidepressants. Reading that about the meds is what really sparked the idea that maybe I am on the spectrum. Coincidentally, I also watched all of Atypical recently. I relate to some of the characteristics of the main character, but not at the same level. I know it’s just a tv show and not something to self diagnose with, that show just made me consider the possibility in a real way. So I started researching of course and found out that women can be more of a “chameleon” and mask characteristics that make them stand out. And it makes so much sense when I look back at my life.
As a baby I was “perfect” and barely cried. My mom talks about it with some pride. I’ve always been a tomboy, I’m gay and gender noncomforming now. I’ve never had real friendships, and I abandon the friends I do have easily. Whenever I’d move around and go to a new school, I’d leave without telling my teachers or other students. I was homeschooled mostly until 6th grade, and I literally ran away from the girls that wanted to hug me. And people would tell me I was an “awkward hugger.” A lot of things about me are awkward. I have severe social anxiety now. I’ve always been socially slow. When I was younger I would say things were offensive or hurtful without knowing it. But I was able to learn by observing what happened after, and I don’t do that so much now. I’m just dealthy afraid of saying the “wrong thing.” I use logic to figure out my own emotions and others. I had no sexual or romantic experience whatsoever until 17-18, which isn’t too old but the thing is, I mean I didn’t even have a real crush until then. Partly because I was gay and suppressed my sexuality, but I also have always felt confused about what a crush really is. I like girls and want to hang out with them, have sex with them, but I don’t really udnerstand romance and I’ve never been able to put that into words until now. In my first and last relationship, my gf would always get mad at me for not expressing my feelings to her, and I tried my best.but she expected me to feel all these things. I definitely have sensory issues. I was a finicky eater when I was little. I get overwhelmed when there’s “too much going on” but that can externally be anything. The volume level I hear changes. Like things goes up and down. I find myself watching shows and listening to music at different levels, and it sometimes will be way too quiet like i turn it up and it can’t go loud enough, and sometimes a lower volume level will sound way too loud.
If I am on the spectrum I feel like it’d explain so much of my life and it would be liberating. If the people who care about me know I’m autistic maybe I can finally feel more understood. I’m chronically misunderstood and if there’s something that explains my weirdness I want to know everything I can about it. I can have friendships and relationships that aren’t based on other people’s rules.
As a baby I was “perfect” and barely cried. My mom talks about it with some pride. I’ve always been a tomboy, I’m gay and gender noncomforming now. I’ve never had real friendships, and I abandon the friends I do have easily. Whenever I’d move around and go to a new school, I’d leave without telling my teachers or other students. I was homeschooled mostly until 6th grade, and I literally ran away from the girls that wanted to hug me. And people would tell me I was an “awkward hugger.” A lot of things about me are awkward. I have severe social anxiety now. I’ve always been socially slow. When I was younger I would say things were offensive or hurtful without knowing it. But I was able to learn by observing what happened after, and I don’t do that so much now. I’m just dealthy afraid of saying the “wrong thing.” I use logic to figure out my own emotions and others. I had no sexual or romantic experience whatsoever until 17-18, which isn’t too old but the thing is, I mean I didn’t even have a real crush until then. Partly because I was gay and suppressed my sexuality, but I also have always felt confused about what a crush really is. I like girls and want to hang out with them, have sex with them, but I don’t really udnerstand romance and I’ve never been able to put that into words until now. In my first and last relationship, my gf would always get mad at me for not expressing my feelings to her, and I tried my best.but she expected me to feel all these things. I definitely have sensory issues. I was a finicky eater when I was little. I get overwhelmed when there’s “too much going on” but that can externally be anything. The volume level I hear changes. Like things goes up and down. I find myself watching shows and listening to music at different levels, and it sometimes will be way too quiet like i turn it up and it can’t go loud enough, and sometimes a lower volume level will sound way too loud.
If I am on the spectrum I feel like it’d explain so much of my life and it would be liberating. If the people who care about me know I’m autistic maybe I can finally feel more understood. I’m chronically misunderstood and if there’s something that explains my weirdness I want to know everything I can about it. I can have friendships and relationships that aren’t based on other people’s rules.
