Introducing myself =)

[Kari Suttle]

Hi i'm Kari and i'm a 21 year old from texas. I havent been diagnosed (though i hope to get a diagnostic done soon) but i'm 99.99% certain that i have high functioning autistm/aspergers syndrome. My parents agree with me. I'm just looking for somewhere to belong and (at the current moment) somewhere to help me process all of this. While i'm glad i finally have a reason for all of my oddities and for why i never belonged anywhere and never had friends and have always struggld with depression, anxiety, and selfharm...even so i'm having a hard time accepting it. I was raised believing that i was normal and my parents always had high expectations of me that i could never meet. I was never good enough, really. Not to make friends, not to make good grades, not to learn how to drive, not to pick a college major, not to get through college, nothing. But even though i failed at everything and do very much consider myself a **** up because of it, i always thought that it was just my fault. That i just wasnt trying hard enough and that if i got off my ass and tried it would be better and i wouldn't fail so much at everything i tried. But now i've realized that perhaps AS is why i always failed and while thats good to realize i hate it too because it also means that maybe i'll struggle like this for life. That maybe i'm deficient in some way, that maybe i'm retarded or something, and i dont like that. It hurts enough that all i do is fail i dont want to think that i'm deficient too, even if it does explain everything....

Thanks for listening,
~ Kari

 

[Aalo]

Hi Kari, and thanks for your courage to tell all that. Hopefully you'll feel belonging in here. Welcome!

 

[NeverEnder]

Hello and welcome

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

Hi Kari! Welcome to Aspies Central. I understand how you feel. It's not easy for us Aspies in a world with so many expectations. For that reason, I hope you post often if you are ever feeling down or anything. We are a very, very understanding community (I like to call it a close-knit family), and we always support one another in these kinds of cases. Also feel free to post any questions or insights that you would wish to share because we highly value questions and insights. In short, I hope you enjoy everything we have to offer.

 

[balder]

Hi Kari,

What you described is just what I used to feel when I didn't know about Asperger. When I first got interested in learn about Asperger, it was like "Oh, God, how didn't I know about this before?". And then I passed for a long year of denial, assuming that if I just tried harder I would magically become normal. But that didn't happen.

After about a year with my depression going from bad to worse, I decided it was time to learn more about it and find other people that were like me, and that was why I got here. I would not be able to describe how it helped me to understand myself, including the weirdness I hadn't even noticed in me before. When you accept it, you can learn how to overcome that and here you can know people that can truly understand you, and that's something I found to be very important, since loneliness is one of the worse things we have to go through.

Hope you can feel home here, even if it takes a little bit of effort at first
And that, just like me, you change your vision of Asperger from an incapable to just different.

 

[pacman]

Welcome!

 

[Mimo]

This may be an old post, but man. Are you me? I basically felt the exact same way; feeling like I should be able to achieve things but it was my fault and that I was just a failure, or even a defective product for not knowing how to try harder. I learned about it when I was 20, almost 21 and had it officially addressed when I was forced to see a psychologist after I voiced my suicidal urges. I guess the only thing that makes it different is that my mom went to her sister (my aunt) for advice, as she had an Autistic son; she told us both that it's unfortunate that the world sees it as a "disorder", when really, it's just a different set of expectations. She told us to remember that if the majority of the world were people on the spectrum, that it would be the "NT"s who felt uncomfortable and out of place instead. That's why it's often compared to being born on the wrong planet.

 

[StephF]

Hi, welcome

 

[Peace]

Dear Kari,
You are neither a failure nor deficient. If you ask a world champion chess player to compete in Olympic down hill skiing, they will likely come in last. Not because they are a failure, but because the expectations were unrealistic. We are different, and live in a world where the expectations for performance are unrealistic for someone with Aspergers. Now that you realize how you are different, set goals that fit your abilities. Do not judge yourself on others peoples scales. I have read many of your posts on here and I would argue that you are a beautiful person and offer great input. In my mind, you are a success. not only for that reason, but because you were able to survive in a world not made for you. In that way you are more of a success than most others.
If you could see yourself as I do, you would be feeling like a princess.

 

[Vanilla]

Hey guys...this is an old thread!!!

 

[Raul]

Even if its an old thread, I didn't have the chance to read your introduction Kari. I am very glad that you shared your life story with us, feel welcome here on our Asperger's forum ! We are happy to have you with us.

 

[RaphaPower]

Hi Kari. I get how you feel I felt all of these things and still feel them now. I'm not growing up as much as everyone else. I guess it's a slower pace for me. I never felt understood like a alien but as you get used to your diagnose you get to see more good things about yourself. Trust Me There's a lot of good things about having aspergers. You can see the whole world in a amazing way and think clearer and things like that. If you want to talk contact me or check out my youtube for help. Have a nice day

 

[Rocco]

Hello Kari ! I know it's an old intro, but still, Welocme

 

[Daniela]

Okay old Intro , but I didnt had the chance to welcome you ( becouse i never get my ass on this tags , bad girl daniela, bad girl XD ) Aniway. I get how you feel.
I wanted to know what was wrong with me and sundendly ...Aspergers ! But I came to know that, well you may have your dificulties , but if you get proper help you can do it, look at Temple Gardin for exemple.
And just like Peace said, people are bether at diferent things and just becouse Nt´s our most Nt´s do it a certain way that dosent mean that is the OFICIAL right way and if you dont do it that way you are ding it wrong.
I would recomend you to watch Temples movie.
AND if you feel down our anithing takj with me, realy I (and I think most of the people here ) know what you´ve benn troght.

 

[Maelstrom]

hope I didn't deleat your post still learning the system by trial and error.
I am happy to learn I'm a Auspie. Don't feel bad I had bad grades and I'm smart enough to make the watch list maybe? Just a little hardcore sub-atomic research.

 

[Maelstrom]

Okay old Intro , but I didnt had the chance to welcome you ( becouse i never get my ass on this tags , bad girl daniela, bad girl XD ) Aniway. I get how you feel.
I wanted to know what was wrong with me and sundendly ...Aspergers !

Hi forgot, I wrote on this thread, yes it was nice to learn who I am about 3 months or so ago 1/2 au 1/2 as, but it was hardly a surprise. I had thoroughly cataloged my differences and their effects and had lists of ways to compensate. But I am a very analytical person I tend to deconstruct things down to the last thread to understand them..this also tends to drive people a little crazy. I am almost back to normal on the failed engagement thing, moved on, life still feels a little empty. I think its the emptiness, not missing the rotten person, that bothers you the most in a breakup.