1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Introducing Myself....

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Captain Jigglypuff, Oct 25, 2021.

  1. Captain Jigglypuff

    Captain Jigglypuff Leader of the Jigglypuff Army V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    133
    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2021
    Karma:
    +118
    I’m new around here. I have to say that my life has not been easy and a lot of horrible things have happened to me so be prepared if I vent about anything from my past for some pretty terrible things and hurt emotions. For starters I was severely bullied in high school and the school refused to help me because I didn’t want to be like everyone else. The kids did so many awful things to me from throwing garbage at me to saying some pretty racist things. The worst was how no one ever let me say anything and would always tell me, “Shut up! No one cares!” It got to the point that I basically stopped talking to most kids because I didn’t want to hear them say that anymore and if they did talk to me, I would yell at them to leave me alone because I didn’t know if it was going to be some sort of joke where they tell me to shut up as soon as I tried to say anything. At work last year I actually snapped at a girl that was basically doing the same thing to me and I was trying to tell her to stop it because it was a major trigger for me and that it was rally making me angry and I didn’t want to cause a scene but she kept shushing me and I actually got up angrily and punched out because our shift was basically over and she tried to give me this fake apology and explanation that it was just a “joke” even though my face was clearly showing that it wasn’t a joke to me. I refused to talk to to her ever again and even refused to be in the same room as her because she showed me how little she saw me as a person. I didn’t have that choice back in high school.

    What made things even worse for me is the fact that my sister was valedictorian of her graduating class and went to Harvard while I struggled for years with being undiagnosed with Asperger’s and being taught math and science in ways that didn’t make sense to me. I kept feeling like teachers were judging me for not being like my sister. I had to work twice as hard as everyone else just to keep up. I don’t blame my sister at all for this but people don’t realize what kind of stress and pressure that can put on a kid. I actually began to think that I wasn’t good enough to get accepted in any college and so I barely filled out any applications because I didn’t see what the point was if I was just going to be rejected by all of them just as I seemed to be rejected constantly in school. No one cared even a little when I had a major cry for help and almost tried to end it all in class by hurting myself. I will tell more about what happened to me in school that really traumatized me and was made worse by an evaluation the school psychologist did on me at a later po8nt in time.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 6
  2. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    10,790
    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +19,712
    welcome to af.png
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    38,492
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +28,730
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Wulven

    Wulven Active Member

    Messages:
    275
    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2021
    Karma:
    +444
    Hi.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    909
    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2020
    Karma:
    +1,474
    Welcome. Sorry about your school experiences - school and conformity is something that doesn't work for many on the spectrum.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,821
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Karma:
    +7,778
    Hi and welcome. Sadly your experiences are not unusual for many here, I am sorry you went through all that, it sounds very difficult and distressing. You have done well to be in work and gained more independence, that's good. I hope you enjoy it here and feel understood and supported.

    :sunflower::turtle::herb::bug::cactus::snake::palmtree::sunflower:
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  7. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,184
    Joined:
    May 22, 2017
    Karma:
    +7,791
    welcomeboard.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Telepath John

    Telepath John Member

    Messages:
    88
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2021
    Karma:
    +140
    Hello and welcome to the forum.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,592
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2021
    Karma:
    +3,790
    Hello! I am sorry you have had a rough time of it. We are a friendly bunch. No name calling, garbage throwing or eye rolling here.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. RobZombiefan

    RobZombiefan Active Member

    Messages:
    159
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2021
    Karma:
    +126
    I'm so sorry about your experience. Welcome to the site!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. watersprite

    watersprite inadvertent vagabond V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,359
    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2014
    Karma:
    +11,722
  12. Captain Jigglypuff

    Captain Jigglypuff Leader of the Jigglypuff Army V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    133
    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2021
    Karma:
    +118
    I’m back to tell more about how my school didn’t help me and basically ruined my entire life. The thing is the bullying isn’t actually the worst thing to happen to me at that place. It was being sexually assaulted in front of my classmates and then having it happen even more for months. I did nothing to cause it and all I was doing was walking down the hall from the locker room to the gym when it happened. This obviously traumatized me and I couldn’t even speak after it had happened from the shock but no one told me it wasn’t my fault and that it was okay if I wasn’t ready to talk about it. A few weeks later, I had the same thing happen to me every time I turned around in the locker room and I couldn’t tell anyone because I had no proof that it was still happening. This went on for months and I eventually became paranoid of turning around for any reason in gym class and didn’t want to interact with the other boys because I was afraid of being sexually assaulted again. I started to do these avoidance rituals that victims often do such as always pressing my back against the wall and facing forward when I was waiting for the bell to ring so no one could sneak up behind me and sexually assault me ever again. The even worse part is that the school knew exactly who did it the first time and didn’t even try to separate us for months where things just got worse until I started to refuse to turn around and even refused to leave the spot until I was sure literally everyone else was gone because then I knew that I was safe from being assaulted. Well I had a psych evaluation done before my sophomore year to see if I needed special education. The doctor who conducted it actually said it was my fault that i was being bullied and the ways I was responding to obvious fear and trauma was of my “own doing.” She even suggested that I had Asperger’s but never suggested that more testing to be done. I wasn’t officially diagnosed until my senior year and by then it was too late. The doctor even said that it was wrong for me for liking myself because I was different (which I meant that I liked being an individual and not following the crowd) and that my preference to live in a world where Pokémon was real was wrong when that was an obvious sign of escapism because I wanted to live somewhere I could be myself free from bullying and honestly my reality was a literal living heck and an imaginary world seemed much better especially if it meant that I wasn’t going to be sexually assaulted every time I turned around. It makes me sick that this woman blamed me for being so afraid of certain people after the really traumatic event of being sexually assaulted in front of others! I mean what do you expect from me after it happened for months? Was I supposed to enjoy being touched and violated against my will? The school refused to help me or even do anything until four months later when I had to be placed into the adaptive gym class for the physically handicapped kids and then acted like it was a nuisance for them. It took me seventeen years to even start talking about what had happened to me and I can’t even get justice because of my state’s statute of limitations. I’m constantly feeling guilty that I didn’t press charges against the kid that I know was doing all of this and that it might be my fault if he hurt anyone else because I didn’t stop him.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  13. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,640
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2019
    Karma:
    +3,079
    Childhood trauma is so devastating, arguably even more so when you’re autistic. I’m so sorry all of that happened to you.
     
  14. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,584
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2011
    Karma:
    +8,437
    Welcome to Autism Forums!
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  15. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    6,870
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +13,763
    This is a frightening story. And the system let you down. You must have incredible anger, guilt and shame to deal with.
    No, it was never your fault. And you now must be working thru PTSD as a survivor of sexual assault. You can't take a criminal case due to statue of limitations. Can you take a civil case out? Can you find out if there are any other victims?

    Welcome to the site.