Initiating online chats with friends

[Java programmer Bay Area]

Does anyone here feel too insecure to initiate online chats? I always depend on someone else saying hi first, even little children. Otherwise I feel like I'm an unwelcome interjection in their existence.

 

[Spiller]

Does anyone here feel too insecure to initiate online chats? I always depend on someone else saying hi first, even little children. Otherwise I feel like I'm an unwelcome interjection in their existence.

Definitely!
How long did you debate whether or not to post this thread? I always find starting a thread difficult, but replying to one much easier.

I put this down to a lifetimes' experience of not being 'part of the group', resulting in a severe lack of self-worth - who'd want to talk to me, right? Then self-imposed isolation on top of the pre-existing isolation through being 'different'.

After spending some time learning to think more positively about myself and attempting to gain some confidence by putting myself 'out there', I now find the next problem is that I don't actually know how or where to interact with others anyway.. coming up with a conversational topic always makes my mind go blank - I have to hope that the other person is chatty, on-line or in real life.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh heck, YES this is me! I seem to be saying: heck lol a lot!

I just hate the idea of people having to put up with me; although I am tons better than I used to be. There was a time, that crossing the road, I would feel crushingly sorry for the person, who was most unfortunate enough, to be standing next to me. I learned eventually that I had extreme low self worth.

Marriage, time and circumstances, have improved and even get a taste of what pure confidence is lol

I can easily inbox someone to ask how they are; but that is as far as I can go.

 

[Suzanne]

Definitely!
How long did you debate whether or not to post this thread? I always find starting a thread difficult, but replying to one much easier.

I put this down to a lifetimes' experience of not being 'part of the group', resulting in a severe lack of self-worth - who'd want to talk to me, right? Then self-imposed isolation on top of the existing isolation through being 'different'.

After spending some time learning to think more positively about myself and attempting to gain some confidence by putting myself 'out there', I now find the next problem is that I don't actually know how or where to interact with others anyway.. coming up with a conversational topic always makes my mind go blank - I have to hope that the other person is chatty, on-line or in real life.

Me too Spiller! It takes a lot of courage to post a thread because like you, never felt part of a group. But curiosity overcomes me and the chance of wonderful replies but also deep anxiety, in case no one answers. Has happened once on here and took courage to post another thread, but the response was most gratifying.

 

[Tom]

If I stop to think about it, yes I can be very self-concious/inhibited.

Its kind of like going swimming in cold water. The best way for me is just to run and jump in, that is to not listen to the doubts in your head and just say 'I'm doing this' and go.

So if I feel the impulse, I try and do the same with initiating conversation. I have had to get used to fails and feeling stupid at times but ultimately they never matter. And the ones that succeed make it worth the effort.