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Infantilization

2Fragile2TakeCriticism

Black sheep in my own community
V.I.P Member
Note: no advice needed, emotional support will do.

I get really tired of being told that I am too young to have a full experience in life. My mom kept telling me “kids think they know what true love is, but they don’t”. I told her I want her to stop minimizing my feelings as a child, but apparently my feelings don’t matter to anyone because I’m just a kid (I’m 24).

I feel isolated whenever I’m told I’m being childish just because I want to live a normal life like other people. It doesn’t help that I’m often minimized to a child even as an adult. And as a child, it felt like age discrimination since many people tend to infantilize the experience of children, especially in the autistic community. Being constantly controlled by others on what I should say or do and demanded that I give a clarification for every situation I find myself in.

I just want to make my problems known without having to be questioned or minimized. Is it too much to ask?
 

Kayla55

Well-Known Member
It's my life, right?
Hmm
Just don't get married in hurry cause then redefinition of how it's not your life at all.

I think over-discipline will affect any living creature, since autism can have over-sensitive vulnerability we discipline our kids differently. If toddler bites at school and other parent is angry and teachers hostile we don't take it out on child, we realising now that child needed space.
If puppy is taking too long to potty train and I hit her, she would be terrified and less inclined to understand that if I showed her newspaper a few times,
We all make mistakes or have our own learning path....sounds like your Mom doesn't even know what reverse-logic is or positive thinking so it's tough to try echnore as she's Mom, there often. Mindfulness and how to drop the hint to her, say you know I'm sure there were things you did as a kid...
That I'd ask gran about....works
Really mindfulness can be way we say something, instead of droning on about ye, thanks my son's speech has improved I wouldnt say oh progress, changes to

Finally, it’s important to remember that affirmations are only effective if you actually believe them. If you don’t believe what you’re saying, then it’s not going to work.

For example, imagine you’re trying to get your child to eat vegetables. You might say, “Don’t eat your broccoli,” knowing full well that they’ll probably eat it anyway.

The same principle can be applied to affirmations. If you tell yourself not to think about something, it’s likely that you’ll end up thinking about it even more. The same goes for telling yourself to do something – if you keep reminding yourself to do it, you’re more likely to actually do it.
 

Kayla55

Well-Known Member
It’s also important to keep your affirmations realistic. If you’re trying to lose weight, it’s not realistic to say, “I’m going to be a size 0 by the end of the week.” However, it is realistic to say, “I’m going to make healthy choices and exercise every day.”

You know Mom, I feel all the more encouraged by your redirecting me to the behaviour you felt was better decision, more so than criticism, and making me feel small.
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Note: no advice needed, emotional support will do.

I get really tired of being told that I am too young to have a full experience in life. My mom kept telling me “kids think they know what true love is, but they don’t”. I told her I want her to stop minimizing my feelings as a child, but apparently my feelings don’t matter to anyone because I’m just a kid (I’m 24).

I feel isolated whenever I’m told I’m being childish just because I want to live a normal life like other people. It doesn’t help that I’m often minimized to a child even as an adult. And as a child, it felt like age discrimination since many people tend to infantilize the experience of children, especially in the autistic community. Being constantly controlled by others on what I should say or do and demanded that I give a clarification for every situation I find myself in.

I just want to make my problems known without having to be questioned or minimized. Is it too much to ask?
That was my father's famous "go to" whenever we disagreed on anything. I was always too young to understand. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." The thing was, I was in my 50's. He's passed on now, but some things never go away.

It reminded me of the "Grumpy Old Men" movies when the "old men" in their 80's were still being called and treated as "kids" by their 100 year old father. I think no matter how old you get, or how old your parents get, you may be seen as a "kid" that hasn't experienced life enough to have the proper perspective.
 

Kayla55

Well-Known Member
How about a make-over to cheer up, you could paint your nails and dress up. I think guys do notice, and at your age it's reasonable to think about guys. I find they just want one thing however that's not the boat you in.
Maybe over holidays you could get s summer job away from parents and see how you feel? Take a break and experience life from different perspective.

At one stage I felt if I wasn't blond I wasn't good enough, seems stupid but really I felt like reality was that this is what men wanted. I was stupid I bought home dye kit and it didn't work so well, so colour went yellow and orange streaks, disaster. So if it wasn't for Monique a sweet lady who bought a light brown and fixed my hair. But I had to grow dye out after that, but I wanted to know if people would respond to me differently and they did, but in time I learnt how I really feel and want and so it was stupid, rather go to hairdresser but it was what I needed to learn myself.
 

Jumpinbare

Aspie Naturist and retired Absent-minded Professor
V.I.P Member
I think guys do notice, and at your age it's reasonable to think about guys. I find they just want one thing however that's not the boat you in.
I'm a guy. I am far more likely to be thinking about my latest electronic or boat project, or upcoming backpacking or boating trip than I am about sex. Since my wife passed away, I will probably spend the rest of my life celibate. Like most over-generalizations, it's not accurate to say guys just want one thing.
 

Kayla55

Well-Known Member
I'm a guy. I am far more likely to be thinking about my latest electronic or boat project, or upcoming backpacking or boating trip than I am about sex. Sibce my wife passed away, I will probably spend the rest of my life celibate. Like most over-generalizations, it's not accurate to say guys just want one thing.
You absolutely correct, there are nice guys out there and hopefully 2fragile meets you. If she meets the other types then hopefully she's armed with enough skills to cope, but locking her up forever isn't the solution.
I suppose places you go and how you meet your date determine the terms of relationship. So if you met partner at pub chances are it's a fling but on rare event you met someone nice to just happened to be there!
Just hinting at mature of how we on spectrum perceive or overlook into things, we can also magnify issues not just miss social q
 

Au Naturel

Au Naturel
I was always too young to understand. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
There is a bit of truth to this. As a kid, you cannot understand the burdens of adulthood. Middle-aged people cannot understand what it means to see the reaper approaching, having your body and mind fail, and looking back at decades of mistakes made. At best, both are on the outside, looking in.

When a parent gives advice, they need to remember that today is different from 30 years ago. They also need to remember how they'd reacted to their own parents' advice and perhaps couch what they say in less confrontational terms.

When a young person receives advice, they need to understand that some things don't change and accept that growing up really does teach valuable lessons. That's extremely unlikely. Parents and children usually grow up in confrontation, not collaboration.

What usually happens is that parents and children usually invalidate each other feelings or advice without any thought.

 
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tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
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Greening

Well-Known Member
Note: no advice needed, emotional support will do.

I get really tired of being told that I am too young to have a full experience in life. My mom kept telling me “kids think they know what true love is, but they don’t”. I told her I want her to stop minimizing my feelings as a child, but apparently my feelings don’t matter to anyone because I’m just a kid (I’m 24).

I feel isolated whenever I’m told I’m being childish just because I want to live a normal life like other people. It doesn’t help that I’m often minimized to a child even as an adult. And as a child, it felt like age discrimination since many people tend to infantilize the experience of children, especially in the autistic community. Being constantly controlled by others on what I should say or do and demanded that I give a clarification for every situation I find myself in.

I just want to make my problems known without having to be questioned or minimized. Is it too much to ask?
No. It is a human right to be able to unfold your personality in your own and free way. Sadly a lot of people do not seem to believe in human rights, preferring instead to (try to) make spiritual clones of themselves or position themselves in a power position, no one needs or actually benefit from.
 

Au Naturel

Au Naturel

My parents were clueless on discipline, so I spent lot of time learning to be a better parent. Just sharing
LOL!

Many of the "common sense" techniques and methodologies of discipline when I was young are considered child abuse by many today. It involved a lot of physical pain and consisted entirely of negative consequences for negative actions. Positive reinforcement was rare and reserved for the best performers in competition.
 

Kayla55

Well-Known Member
I'm not sure as to say if vastly NT people tend to need more therapy to change since asd individuals may decide on intellect vs emotions. But to some extent patterns can form that affect your parenting, so it's good to review this when you decide to have children. Look before is good idea, but really not same as you never know what life throws at you, test to your parenting.
Some of really open minded strategies for parenting are natural to autistic parents and don't really apply to NT kids, like getting boy to clean up, stop noise and to be self motivated on homework.
When I hear him shouting and just playing it drives me up the wall, and I suppose I'm just silent a lot of time but in truth I want to throttle him some days. However I'm a passive person so I tend to be passive unless someone really messes on my battery
 

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