I'm trying to come to terms with missing out due to Asperger's/dysfunctional family

[Dobokdude]

Hey guys. So lately I haven't been feeling the best lately. As for why its because I've been feeling a mix of negative emotions. Guilt, regret, anger, sadness and betrayed. And there's several reasons but it mainly has to do with some recent events in my life. It's a long story, so if you want you can read it here, but the short version is...



My old friend from my old town, someone I had at one time loved like a brother and trusted had not only used and manipulated me, but then I find out had molested my sister. To break down the details shortly, I have Asperger's and have never been the best socially. That meant quite a few blunders making friends and attracting girls and the like. Thus I eventually befriended ''Simba'', and was so lonely that at the time I didn't fully comprehend the red flags like the demanding attitude, put downs, using me as a source of free snacks and having me give him my phones to text girls he liked as his Conservative Christian parents were onto him.


I even let him come over when my mother wasn't home, even taking the fall for some things he did. I moved to a new town from 2014 and VERY rarely heard from him till a few days ago. You see back during summer after one of me and my sisters arguments she broke down crying and confessing that he had molested her when I was preoccupied during one of his visits. I remember breaking down crying that day, and it really cements the doubts I already had about him. It's been awhile, and pressing charges I'm not sure how to go about as building a case is difficult.



This just makes me feel worst about my loneliness throughout my childhood and adolescence, the missed opportunities and not having the high school experience the adults including my parents say as well as telling me these are the best years of my life. That's like saying I'm missing out, which I felt I have and now this. And while I know it's unhealthy, I can't help but wonder what could have been if maybe I wasn't so socially awkward, if I knew how to approach people better, if my parents didn't have so many issues and so on. It just feels like much on top of some people are having the college experience and I'm stuck at community college working at Dominos, still trying to come to terms with all this

 

[Zambra]

I just want to say that I want to acknowledge that you are going through something incredibly heartbreaking. Is there any possibility that you can approach them with this concern. Is not your fault that your sister was molested by this guy, you did not knew that he would do that, I want you to know that. Please, seek help, you should not have to go through this alone and I'm pretty sure your sister needs help.

 

[BraidedPony]

Teen years are the worst, no matter what everyone says. Your best days are ahead of you.
Try not to dwell too much on what you didn’t have or couldn’t do, I know it’s hard because dwelling is an Aspie trait.
It gets easier.
Sorry your friend turned out to be a total (censored). Live and learn about how to protect yourself from evil manipulators.

 

[Pats]

Agree with Zambra and Braided Pony. We don't get over things easily and it's easy to blame ourselves for things that are not our fault. I'm sorry this happened, probably happens more than you think it would. My parents insisted I dated and was kind of pushed into going out with my brother's best friend. I guess saying no repeatedly and the guy refusing to stop qualifies, but being naïve I didn't realize it. But things could have been worse. In my case I ended up pregnant and was forced to marry him. I never once blamed my brother - why would I? He didn't know. Some people out there are just bad and we live amongst them, so things happen.
And I don't think you missed out on much -teen years are dangerous and confusing and mostly fake. You're doing the smart thing and what counts more is what you're doing for your future and for yourself. Community college is good and you won't be paying off tuition for years.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums! My teens and early twenties were the worst for me. By the time I was in my mid-twenties I was gaining confidence and things were better. Hopefully it will go the same for you. There is nothing wrong with going to community college. I see a young man who is going to school and has a job, as someone with a good future. Keep it up, education will help you in many different ways.

That was a very bad thing to happen to your sister and you probably feel guilty about it. Consoling probably would be a good for you and your sister. You both can overcome this.

As for your ex-friend, you know what they say a bout karma. Sooner or later, he will get what is coming to him.

 

[paloftoon]

Hey dobukdude, you definitely sound like you need to help yourself primarily before you can help others. Not that you can't try at all, but focus on yourself first. Once you get to a certain point, you'll be able to help others close to you and deal with your situations better.

The past hurts, but we can always focus on making the present and the future better.

You sound like a really shy person. It's important to be able to learn how to stand up for yourself when necessary. Otherwise, I'm sure you are a wonderful human being!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Teen years are the worst, no matter what everyone says. Your best days are ahead of you.

I agree about Teen years being the worst but as for the best days I call them boring days for me as nothing has happened in my life in 14 years. I am going to try to change that one day at a time though but for me because of serious barriers it is going to be very hard.