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im not gonna worry about it no more

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Moonhart44, Aug 27, 2020.

  1. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    a man i worked with has consistently been inconsistent with his mental diagnoses. He also is prone to lie about his wellbeing, religion, sexuality, and many other things just to fit in or take advantage of a woman. well now someone is telling me that he claimed to be autistic. i feel anger because i have seen this man in the past lie about mental health to manipulate girls. Do i think he has something? yes. it is not normal to lie about your mental state to gain friends and partners. i believe he has what he originally stated, which is bipolar disorder, because he does get manic and depressed. my brother is bipolar, he has maintained, meaning it was the only consistent thing until maybe a month ago. this is when i was given a serious diagnoses, this was around the time i was talking about my autism to coworkers.
    he also knew this girl who worked there who was autistic. we both figured out we were in the same year. i believe that to myself he is narcissistic.
    ive never felt anything genuine from this man. if anything i feel that people on the spectrum, when they feel things, it is reflected through the mirror neurons.
     
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  2. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Lotsa Personality Disorders around these days. Its well worth doing a little reading on, the PDs.

    'Reflected in the mirror neurons? How does that go?
     
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  3. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    i mean to say that normally when people have a genuine emotion, i end up feeling it by way of mirror neurons. i have read that people on the spectrum are more senstive or insync with their mirror neurons, which bascially allows empathy in cases of emotion and copying otthers emotions. if someone is lying, normally one would be able to tell because they do not feel anything. when i speak to this man, he is always lying to me, and to others, but i believe he believes his own lies. i believe he does need help, he does have something, and i never lashed at him completely because of this. but they way he basically manipulates people is what bothers me. i am on here ranting just because people here maybe would relate or maybe tell me that its possible that someone on the spectrum can seem so . . . manipulative?
     
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  4. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    If he's lying compulsively I assume it's for attention or sympathy. He's clearly not happy in himself if he feels the need to pretend to be something he isn't. The problem with lying is maintaining the lie - if you keep changing your story, you quickly come across as untrustworthy. The feeling when you get called out on your BS is shattering and humbling - and I've encountered it several times.

    He may well have a genuine interest in disorders if he talks about them a lot. Much like all of us; he's probably trying to work things out - why he is who he is. Perhaps this chopping and changing of supposed disorders is due to what he's currently reading about. A bit like how student doctors can start to become hypochondriacs whilst studying about diseases and afflictions. When my health anxiety was really bad, I spent years reading about illnesses etc and every week I was literally convinced I had a new disease and my body followed suit in causing pains and symptoms that echoed my fears. It was 24/7 pains for years because my mind was so obsessed with diseases.

    When I read about the spectrum, a lot of it made sense - but the more I read, the more I found my behaviour was almost exacerbating and mimicking other aspects of the condition that I never did before.

    This is one of the reasons I tried to move away from constantly reading about the condition. The information I've seen online and on this forum has helped - but when I obsessed about learning more: it started to hinder.

    I'll just wait for my official diagnosis appointment. Nothing else to be gained from continual reading and studying on the subject in the meantime.

    I can sympathise with this man, because I went through bouts of compulsive lying when I was younger. I wanted to impress people, and feel liked - when I felt very unsure and quite empty inside. But, it's hard to maintain the lies. For me, it was always when socialising. These days I find I don't need to lie as much - and I tend to just maintain my normal form of small talk which is making jokes all the time. I suppose this fills the gap that lying all the time left. Because when you lie, much like a joke - you're thinking of something creative on the spot. It's an artform if you practice it long and hard enough. With a joke you want it to get laughs, with lying - you want to amaze or impress those around you.

    Every now and then whilst talking I find I've gone from fact to fiction within a moments notice. These days I find I go back to reality asap. Sometimes there's a thrill to be had with lying, with that spontaneity to draw someone in, whilst trying to seem plausible and realistic - this might also be a contributing factor to him doing it so much.

    Ed
     
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  5. Rexi

    Rexi uwu owo uwu SlightlyFilterless Atheist Science=<3 V.I.P Member

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    I think you should not be meddling much in his life, he's unreliable and playing detective with a liar is gonna get you hooked on playing his game. Accept you can never know the truth about him and that he's toxic to be around. He has the choice to change.

    It sounds angering that hes started talking about autism the same time you were exploring it especially since he's so unreliable on his word. Hes most likely been lying like the other times.

    By 'claimed' do you mean he admitted he lied about it or just that he was talking about it and believes or not he still is autistic?

    Then again what he thinks now like whether he is or not of those diagnosis types wouldn't really give away whether or not he's been lying because he could pretend it was just a time he was confused about or he could pretend he still has everything [the last would be most believable] . But given that he has kept jumping the gun with every diagnosis before he was sure about it, does seem unreliable. As well as having a diagnosis doesn't easily just disappear, no one professional takes it away so easily off your record.
     
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  6. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    thanks for this point of view. i came here to talk about it because i personally hate this person and i have an extreme bias on him. plus other people here may actually relate to his behavior. When i was VERY young i did a lot of strange, unnecessary lying, and if i talk too long, i go with the momentum and say things i dont necessarily mean. its also weird beause while he diagnoses himself, he never reaches out for help. I asked him about his bipolar, and what he does. he said he eats chia seeds, but since he began living at my work for several months essentially, i never even seen him eat anything besides junk food. I asked him because my brother had a manic episode and ran away (he is biploar and was off his meds) and when he told me that i felt mad haha. i felt mad he would suggest seeds to "fix" something i feel is so complex.

    anyways yeh you are right in the sense he is young and finding himself. i guess wish people were not always trying to reinvent themsleves. i feel you can only be you and everyone will know that youre being fony whether immesdiately or over time so just accept who you are.
     
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  7. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    he quit after manipulating someone i work with with a panic disorder who was using new medication. she was/is married and he took advantage of her transition period. He had claimed the whole time he was asexual, and then he literally had sex with her in the back of the shop and they are together now. he also said that to another girl, who also said she is asexual. then he isolated her and tried to white knight her as well (she was already ostracized because people are jealous and spraed a sexual rumour about her at this point). i even talked to her about him and she realized he was doihng these tactics. and she stopped hanging out with him. I always felt that he was being truthful with bipolar disorder until he said ths new thing. i feel that because hes from a wealthy family and he is male, and they would know he has bipolar (assuming he got tested or went to a doctor) then his wealthy famoly would probably, under therapy, would have figured out he had autism many years ago. it would make no sense to hide it until now. because in my field, it draws many non NT people. I work with someone who has schizoaffective disorder, DID, anxiety disorders, and all those, because i guess we also end up being creative and intelligent people as well.

    you are right that i need to stop investigating. i got caught off guard because someone told me this. i never stalk anyone (i am afraid of some how being found out) online. but. need to let go of his journey because he quit (cuz the affair) and i hope i never see him again, but i know thats not true as long as i stay with teh company i work for.
     
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  8. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Sadly this person may not even have a clue as to why they behave in such a manner, despite existing in a society where personal gain is often central to why people say and do such things.

    Sounds like he may be quite messed up, but just not in the way they project their issues to others. With lots of potential conditions that may plague such a person as this article suggests.

    This sort of reminds me someone I once knew who pursued the possibility that they might be autistic, yet the only thing I observed was a possibility that they may have been in deep denial in actually having Histrionic Personality Disorder.

    Pathological liars: Everything you need to know
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2020
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  9. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    I have seen people try to claim they have Asperger's because as we all know Aspies are all geniuses and they imagine it gives them an excuse for bad behavior. Doesn't work that way.
     
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  10. Jonn

    Jonn Active Member

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    It's a spectrum
    I have no problems looking into some one's eyes, as an example.

    I still believe most aspies have respect for the truth and are egalitarian in nature, but I have come across so many, on the spectrum, that don't conform to the "Idea Aspie" mould.

    Avoid *everyone* I guess, if you want total peace of mind. :D
     
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  11. Jonn

    Jonn Active Member

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    Based on what I have read on WP, most aspies are treated badly, in the NT world, myself included. :eek:
    Why would someone want to join *that* bandwagon?
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2020
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  12. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, this *could be* the issue, people will claim anything if it might be perceived to give them an advantage somehow.
     
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  13. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Autistics are not all gifteds & savants, but 90% of savants are autistic.* And a disproportionate number of gifteds are autistic, too (due to asynchronous development).

    Further, non-gifted ASD1s have similar behavioral traits to non-ASD gifteds, except for the qualifying IQ scores.

    ASD1 & giftedness are both examples of neuro-diversity.
    Savantism is a symptom of a highly localized brain injury.

    *10% of autistics are savants.
     
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  14. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Because Sheldon Cooper is cool. He gets to be obnoxious and never gets called on it until it gets extreme. You never see any of the pain or self-loathing. There are funny stories about bullies when he was little but you never see the real thing.

    And then he wins a Nobel Prize. That's a million bucks, fame, and lifetime job security.

    And then you go down a list of all the autistic folks who have accomplished great things. None of those lists mention all the pain along the way.
     
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  15. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Basically, it’s like this: someone who wants to be a nudist on a swimsuit beach is creepy and dangerous, especially if they are male. Smeone who insists on wearing a swimsuit on a nudist beach is somehow hiding something or somehow at fault for not complying and so on

    If nerds are the coolest thing out there, many people want to present themselves as nerds, if nerds are creepy people who keep getting ganged up on, many people will want to join in the bullying.

    A percentage of the population is always going to be allying themselves with the side that is winning, and even looking for special privledges for this and even assisting in ganging up on the side which is losing
     
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  16. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    We always disregard the uncomfortable stuffs. Ask them how much they had to overcome in their lifetime? We all climb cliffs in life, it's just that we have to climb the cliff upside down. NT's climb with all their equipment and the right shoes. lol
     
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  17. Jonn

    Jonn Active Member

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    Sheldon really isn't on the spectrum, though. :D
     
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  18. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    That reminded me of a line about Ginger Rogers,
    "She did everything that Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels...!"
     
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  19. Ylva

    Ylva Well-Known Member V.I.P Member It's My Birthday!

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    Asexuals can have sex, they just don't get sexually attracted to anyone.

    At first I thought "narcissist", but as I read on it occured to me that if he's a psychopath you would feel nothing empathizing with him. He could be both, I guess.
     
  20. Kit

    Kit Well-Known Member

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    Knew a guy online who decided he had it after learning about it through me and he turned into a stalker and started to use it to dismiss my feelings and to harass me. He totally changed after he learned about it. It was very hard to get rid of him and he would not leave me alone.

    But it was the Asperger's after all making him do it you know and to not take no for an answer. (sarcasm)

    After learning more about disorders like narcissism and then borderline, I think he had either of those. I am not a therapist but I always knew he had something going on. But he did have brain damage after being hit by a car at age of six as he told me when we first started talking.
     
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