I'm 50!

[NDR2]

As I mentioned in response to the post to me in the Happy Birthday thread back in April, I'm 50 now. I’m not young anymore. Probably like most people here, I’ve had a lot of hardships growing up and other times throughout my life, both of my own, and from other people. I still often feel depressed about it - and now there’s not much time left for me to live. I’ve been through a lot of missed opportunities that I’ll never be able to get again. I've also been dealing with a lot of medical issues over the past few years and now they’re most likely to increase as the years go on.

 

[Thinx]

Do you have some ideas of what you want at this stage in life? Would medical issues stop you doing paid work? Would you enjoy some kind of study or training, or volunteering? It sounds like you are ready for something new, but feel unsure how to proceed?

 

[Richelle-H]

I understand where that feeling comes from. I have had my share of problems as well. Multiple surgeries over many years were all unexpected, any of which could have terminated my existence. Yet... I am still here as I approach my 76th birthday. I have given up any attempt at predicting my future as it is a futile and expensive waste of time that could be better used in exploring what living has to offer.

Take it from me, I would give anything to be 50 again, not for anything other than being able to experience what i allowed myself to miss out on. I too thought I did not have many years left, but here I am twenty-six years later and counting.

It may be hard to do for anyone, but stopping yourself from dwelling on what is wrong or missing from your life and finding some things that you can work on to make it better can do wonders.

I pray that I have not offered any offense with my words for I was merely sharing a few thoughts that I felt might offer some comfort to someone who seems a bit down at the moment. I empathize and have been there. I hope you find some joy to carry you through.

 

[Au Naturel]

As I mentioned in response to the post to me in the Happy Birthday thread back in April, I'm 50 now. I’m not young anymore. Probably like most people here, I’ve had a lot of hardships growing up and other times throughout my life, both of my own, and from other people. I still often feel depressed about it - and now there’s not much time left for me to live. I’ve been through a lot of missed opportunities that I’ll never be able to get again. I've also been dealing with a lot of medical issues over the past few years and now they’re most likely to increase as the years go on.

Enjoy it. 50 doesn't roll around again. You still have 40% of your life if the actuarial tables are accurate.

When I was 50, hiking 20 miles with thousands of feet of elevation gain and loss in a day was a reasonable thing. It isn't anymore. So enjoy your relative youth.

 

[Aspychata]

50 is beautiful age. You know enough and you can still do stuff.

You can fart and not care. You can dress casual in sweat pants and not care. You can eat dessert for dinner and not care. Caring is so over-rated. Enjoy 50.

Health issues do catch up but hopefully medical techniques will be more advanced.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

As I mentioned in response to the post to me in the Happy Birthday thread back in April, I'm 50 now. I’m not young anymore. Probably like most people here, I’ve had a lot of hardships growing up and other times throughout my life, both of my own, and from other people. I still often feel depressed about it - and now there’s not much time left for me to live. I’ve been through a lot of missed opportunities that I’ll never be able to get again. I've also been dealing with a lot of medical issues over the past few years and now they’re most likely to increase as the years go on.

Agree. However,...you have to treat these things as "water under the bridge". That's the thing with time,...at least in this dimension, it doesn't stop,...so it is, for the most part, a wasted intellectual exercise dwelling on the past. You can't go back. Best to keep your eyes forward, set those little goals,...even big goals,...and work towards them. I've got another 4-6 years until retirement,...and then I have a long list of things I want to do and look forward to.

 

[Heidi M.]

I understand and have felt this way too. I don't know what you're medical issues are about but there is a lot we can do to help our health. I have had a few medical issues that I cured and/or helped by going in nature a lot, creating an environment that supports me, taking up drawing and painting, and then giving up sugar and junkfood to some degree ... i eat those on occasion as treats not meals (ha). Getting myself on the floor to stretch and exercise, long walks, indoor gardening...things that help keep me from being too depressed.

Helping others, one way i do this is through writing letters (analog snail mail), getting a letter in the mail is great fun & i love my writer's desk, stationery, candle, music..it's a great experience and people don't mind my looong letters, they instead enjoy them.

I'm 55 and sometimes i feel so many regrets for a life unlived and because of so much struggle, pain and trauma. One thing that helps me is to think about 'what do i want?'.

I am more gentle on myself, less critical and i quieten the catastrophizer in me by trying to keep my mind on the joys that i have and not paying attention to the outer world's negativity or my own sad thoughts.

I feel a kindredness to your words and thoughts here. I've been thinking about how i have this Inner Compass and when i go against it..my own inner knowing, things go poorly for me. It's about finding the path i really love and staying on it as best i can that brings me to actually loving the day, this life and looking forward to the next 25+ years (even if i just have a few years I want to enjoy each day researching and learning about the things i love to learn about...it's time to enjoy this life gosh darn it haha) When i do things against that inner compass, going the complete opposite way, i start to feel very sad and dysregulated. It's difficult for me to explain this subtle feeling when i'm doing things that go against me and the path of things i love about me and life.

It's so great that you shared this, a step toward your path. Oh and look up older people that didn't blossom until later in life, it's pretty amazing (like grandma moses, tony randall started a family very late, frank mccourt wrote angela's ashes at 63, there are so many artists, scientists, writers, entrepreneurs that started late) We are just late bloomers. And we don't have to be famous in order to live a fulfilling loving good life, in fact it probably makes things worse. I think of it as using my aspie super power to focus and learn about something i love so much and no longer thinking about what others think about my passions or about me (a getting older super power is not caring what other's think anymore and that is so very freeing for me).

Sorry to write so much and i hope the message is a positive one, i hope i didn't overlook your feelings or anything. Just felt a kindred spirit and wanted to tell you some things that help me. Life is a bumpy road but we're all in it together.

 

[clg114]

I wish I was 50!

 

[NDR2]

Do you have some ideas of what you want at this stage in life? Would medical issues stop you doing paid work? Would you enjoy some kind of study or training, or volunteering? It sounds like you are ready for something new, but feel unsure how to proceed?

I'm perfectly capable of working. I've been back in the office full time for a while now and it's been going fine. It's just all that I have to do for my medical issues in between (as well as in the office) that have taken over. With all I have to do I have to get up very early in the morning, and start getting ready ridiculously early in the evening. I have practically no time for leisure anymore.

What particularly makes me sad is that my age of attraction is 25 and under. (It's not that I never find women older than that or close to my age attractive. They just don't jump out at me.) My speech therapist says that the chances of women in their 20's being interested in someone my age are slim. :-(

 

[Thinx]

That all sounds difficult. I don't particularly agree with your therapist on the age issue alone, but it could be that they are also saying that other issues such as your health, your depression, and lack of free time would prove barriers here. Will you have less medical issues to deal with any time soon? That would give you more free time. Do you definitely need to work full time, especially if medical issues are ongoing?

Hope you can find some ways forward here, good ideas from others here for how they handle some similar difficulties, I hope they may be helpful. Lots here have some similar challenges, I hope you'll stick around and discuss ideas here.

 

[NDR2]

That all sounds difficult. I don't particularly agree with your therapist on the age issue alone, but it could be that they are also saying that other issues such as your health, your depression, and lack of free time would prove barriers here. Will you have less medical issues to deal with any time soon? That would give you more free time. Do you definitely need to work full time, especially if medical issues are ongoing?

Hope you can find some ways forward here, good ideas from others here for how they handle some similar difficulties, I hope they may be helpful. Lots here have some similar challenges, I hope you'll stick around and discuss ideas here.

As far as I know, gastroparesis, disaccharide deficiency, scoliosis, and overactive bladder are all chronic. They're definitely not serious enough to prevent me from working (I don't really want to stop working). It would be nice if they could become less and I didn't have to do as much - most of my doctors are stumped now. You do have a good point about these things being barriers to dating in general.

I'm pretty sure my speech therapist meant that women in their 20's generally wouldn't be interested in a man twice their age or more. There's a program for people with learning disabilities that I regularly attend events with. The participants are of all ages. There are some younger women there who I like, but they don't seem too interested in getting to know me better - not even as a friend. :-(

 

[Thinx]

Sorry to hear that. But perhaps you will meet someone older who has youthful appearance and attitudes, that's not unusual I think. Maybe focus on just socialising, which it seems like you are successfully doing. Perhaps there are some social opportunities at work too? Or further interest based activities where you could meet others?

 

[Au Naturel]

I'm perfectly capable of working. I've been back in the office full time for a while now and it's been going fine. It's just all that I have to do for my medical issues in between (as well as in the office) that have taken over. With all I have to do I have to get up very early in the morning, and start getting ready ridiculously early in the evening. I have practically no time for leisure anymore.

What particularly makes me sad is that my age of attraction is 25 and under. (It's not that I never find women older than that or close to my age attractive. They just don't jump out at me.) My speech therapist says that the chances of women in their 20's being interested in someone my age are slim. :-(

Maybe you are hung up on your partner having to be reproductive. Or you have bought into the cultural definition of what attractive has to be.

Or it could be the status of the older man and younger woman. There's LOT'S of that going around. Makes you feel like more of a man if you have a younger girl. Female reproductive pheromones make you feel young. Other guys look at you with envy. For every older guy with a hot young girl, there's obviously a young female interested in an older man. If you've got money there's still hope.

When I was in my 20s I had more than one much older woman as a lover. They were actually much more interesting than most of the "hot chicks" who were my age.

 

[NDR2]

Maybe you are hung up on your partner having to be reproductive. Or you have bought into the cultural definition of what attractive has to be.

Or it could be the status of the older man and younger woman. There's LOT'S of that going around. Makes you feel like more of a man if you have a younger girl. Female reproductive pheromones make you feel young. Other guys look at you with envy. For every older guy with a hot young girl, there's obviously a young female interested in an older man. If you've got money there's still hope.

When I was in my 20s I had more than one much older woman as a lover. They were actually much more interesting than most of the "hot chicks" who were my age.

You’re right that many younger women who are interested in older men may be looking for a meal ticket or have daddy issues. I certainly wouldn’t want to get involved with someone like that.

I just know that I find younger women beautiful, regardless of cultural definitions. Can you really help who you’re attracted to or not? (Probably no more than a gay person can help being attracted to people of the same sex and not the opposite sex.)

I’m certainly not looking to exert power over anyone. I’d want the relationship to be mutual. I also don’t think I could handle being a parent, so reproduction is not a factor either.

My speech therapist suggests I try going after women closer to my age, claiming I might develop an attraction to them in time. I’ve created a profile on a dating app and given likes to women around my age who look cute. The thing is that women around my age often remind me of women I knew when I was younger – like friends’ mothers or teachers.

Maybe part of me would like to feel young again. I missed out on it at the time.

 

[Au Naturel]

You’re right that many younger women who are interested in older men may be looking for a meal ticket or have daddy issues. I certainly wouldn’t want to get involved with someone like that.

I just know that I find younger women beautiful, regardless of cultural definitions. Can you really help who you’re attracted to or not? (Probably no more than a gay person can help being attracted to people of the same sex and not the opposite sex.)

I’m certainly not looking to exert power over anyone. I’d want the relationship to be mutual. I also don’t think I could handle being a parent, so reproduction is not a factor either.

My speech therapist suggests I try going after women closer to my age, claiming I might develop an attraction to them in time. I’ve created a profile on a dating app and given likes to women around my age who look cute. The thing is that women around my age often remind me of women I knew when I was younger – like friends’ mothers or teachers.

Maybe part of me would like to feel young again. I missed out on it at the time.

LOL! When I was younger, my friends' mothers and some of those teachers looked pretty darned good!

 

[NDR2]

LOL! When I was younger, my friends' mothers and some of those teachers looked pretty darned good!

They remind me of women in charge.

I was also at the doctor’s this week and it turns out I’ve shrunk a little bit. I was 6’ 1” and now I’m 5’ 11.5”.

 

[Au Naturel]

They remind me of women in charge.

I was also at the doctor’s this week and it turns out I’ve shrunk a little bit. I was 6’ 1” and now I’m 5’ 11.5”.

That's just the natural aging process Spend some time in space and the zero-G will stretch you back temporarily.

Those women make me think of "Stacy's Mom."