Ignoring other members

[SimonSays]

In real life, ignoring someone can seem rude, feel alienating, be isolating, and many of us, as autistics, have experienced such things throughout our lives. Yet here, we can do that to others with a touch of a button, perhaps never giving them a chance to be heard by us again, and where they will never know.

Do you ignore people? Do you ever remove people from your ignore list? How would you feel if you knew you were being ignored? Does it even matter?

 

[Crossbreed]

I ignore some people on other boards, but none here.
I only ignore (on other boards) if the person is antagonistic and nothing I can say to them seems to improve their attitude toward me. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, though.

I just don't read a thread, if I am not interested in it or have nothing to add.

 

[Thinx]

I don't currently ignore anyone here. I occasionally do so temporarily if someone seems persistently hard to be in discussion with, that's very rare here I think. When I have done so I usually ended up looking at their posts, as I was worried about things they were saying, or how it might affect others here who are vulnerable. So then it seemed important to engage, or express concerns to mods.

I agree with @Crossbreed that usually one can just not look at the thread if it's not of interest.

 

[Markness]

I’ve had to put some people on ignore after they’ve attacked my character. I don’t want to see their posts and I don’t want to make nice with them. Why should I since they don’t like me at all?

 

[Crossbreed]

On another forum, I [ASD1] was relating my experiences raising ten children that included all three levels of ASD. When I was sharing some of the patterns that I had observed, one detractor (also ASD, likely a 1) kept demanding that I offer some clinical proof before I would make any further anecdotal assertions.

He kept trying to shut me down. I finally put him on my ignore list.

When I talk to other autistic parents of autistic children, we see so many things in common, just like when speaking to our own autistic peers.

 

[Qoyote]

Huh, I didn't even know you could do that.

 

[SusanLR]

I've never put anyone on ignore.
If I don't find the post about anything I can contribute to or of interest I can just skip it.

Even those who posts things I disagree with, I still sometimes read them.
It is interesting to see differing opinions and experiences.
Even if they seem to personally dislike me or something I've said, I still look out of curiosity at what
they are saying.

 

[RotanotNino]

I haven't used the ignore feature on any forum I belonged to. This is the first forum I have posted at since 2016 or 2017. The last forum I was at with autistics on it was a fairly argumentative place at times but I stayed out of most of the squabbles there.

 

[Luca]

I have never put anyone on ignore. There are a few people on here who I don't think like me very much so I don't engage. They probably have ME on ignore
Sometimes I see posts that annoy me and I either just kind of roll my eyes at the post or report it if it's really offensive. There have been a few occasions where I felt like I needed to call someone out though.
As much as I don't like confrontation I'm not really a fan of using the "block" feature on most sites either. I have a total of about 5 or 6 phone numbers blocked and they're people who have been a threat to my safety.

 

[Forest Cat]

I only block crewlucaa.

kidding, I don't do that. I don't have much problems with people here.

 

[Kalinychta]

It feels like “censorship,” which I generally abhor, but I had to block someone on the forum because he wouldn’t stop sending me ridiculous, pleading messages for weeks and weeks despite that I didn’t respond. It’s weird how stalking’ish behavior is almost “the norm” on the Internet, particularly for women, when in the real world it would likely result in legal action.

 

[Knower of nothing]

I don't count how many as I don't specifically ignore any one person, only posts. And that's without using some site function too of course. I don't think online any member has the social obligation to interact with any other member, let alone every. It only starts getting a little rude once you're directly asked a question, which you still don't need to answer if you don't want to. It's not the end of the world.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

But how do you respond if you have blocked exactly three people? [joke]

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I do ignore some of those I think are trolls, but I dont know if they are currently active.

I find interesting that you (@SimonSays ) are reflecting on the ignoring thing. You said that you had avoided real life conversations and just ignored the other people.

Is this thread related to your personal way of dealing with problems?

About how about to be ignored myself, I am ignored by many people in real life. Its really sad, but I propably did hurt them in some way or they find me undesirable so ignoring me its probably the way they deal with that. So I accept it and dont blame them. They have the rigth to protect themself against me and my ideas. I actually think that many ignore me to be protected against my ideas or my constant challenge to the way they see the world. Usually because how they see the world includes insults toward me or other people I care, like when they insult women, insult neuro divergent, or (in this forum) insult people who watch porn. Is it better to ignore them? Is it better not to ignore them and engage in the topic? Is it worth to engage even if it is not going to work and they will keep thinking bad of others? Is it worth to my soul to be part of the problem by ignoring the topic and pretending words were never said?

We usually talk about how good it is telling the truth, but as a very assertive person who often engages in discussions (and dont ignore them) I can say first hand that even with good data and even trying not to hurt others it may be better to ignore. What do I get from entering those topics? Usually nothing, people who think bad of women will keep thinking the same. People who think bad of men will keep thinking the same. Same goes for people thinking bad of autists or porn watchers. Or black people or whatever other group. What do I get? A false ilussion of being helping to solve the hate problem of mankind? To get ignored myself?

As an example, every time I participate in a porn thread I get the feeling that I had better ignored it instead of entering the discussion. I just find hard to ignore people, but Im learning about it.

I guess there is a correct way of doing it, not ignoring neither engaging, but I have not find it yet. This is a hard topic for me.

 

[Bolletje]

I have built up quite a long list of ignored people in my years on these forums. However, many of those are no longer active. I mostly ignore members that are consistently rude, needlessly antagonistic or inflammatory, members that harass me or members that are incapable of civil discourse. Some might feel this is a lot of censoring. But it works for me, personally. I am on these forums for my own enjoyment and relaxation, so I choose to avoid interaction with members whose posts consistently give me the exact opposite.

Edited to add: I don’t mind disagreeing with people and I quite like exchanging views, as long as this is done in a civil manner.

 

[Jordy]

On another forum, I [ASD1] was relating my experiences raising ten children that included all three levels of ASD. When I was sharing some of the patterns that I had observed, one detractor (also ASD, likely a 1) kept demanding that I offer some clinical proof before I would make any further anecdotal assertions.

He kept trying to shut me down. I finally put him on my ignore list.

When I talk to other autistic parents of autistic children, we see so many things in common, just like when speaking to our own autistic peers.

Ten children with asd? Are you building an army?

 

[Jordy]

I know at least one person ignores me, likely a couple others also.

 

[Darkkin]

It takes a bit to make me actively dislike someone, but it usually happens quickly and completely. I refuse to waste time and energy trying to make nice and accomodate certain behaviours. I notice the red flag behavioir, I do not hesitate to block. And like Thorin: 'He never forgave, and he never forgot.' I just ghost and completely ignore certain individuals. It does no harm to them and conserves my time and resources.

If I ghost, I do it for a reason. My time and effort is mine to spend how I see fit and there are people who are a waste of those resources. Selfish, eh...probably, but I have no tolerance for cruel, ignorant, or toxic behaviour.

 

[Rasputin]

I don’t ignore anyone, but I do ignore some posts. I only respond to posts when I feel I have something constructive to contribute to discussions.

 

[Darkkin]

What I find interesting is the idea of censorship being paralleled with putting a person on ignore. And the two are very, very different things. Ignore lets one remove bothersome or offensive posts from one's own feed. It has no impact on the ignored, other than the fact that the ignorer no longer has to encountered the problematic individual (e.g. personal attacks, flaming, etc...). It is a completely passive function that doesn't harm either party.

When objective discussion detours into personal attacks...don't hesitate to use tools that are available. It is pretty easy to disagree with an opinion and keep a discussion on the topic, not the individual.