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I would... If I Were...

I'd play all the mute parts,
and by thus doing, save the
world from suffering.

If I were able to have a whole forum
composed of games, I'd...
 
...I would get very annoyed by the practical aspects very quickly.

If I had a bottle of rain...
 
...I'd be in a cartoon running over animated animals.

If I were to let it be...
 
Some new event would arise to
surprise me.

If I were a mouse with unlimited
access to plutonium, I'd...
 
...not have a sufficiently high IQ to think of a use for it, and instead become depressed wishing it was cheese.

If I an unlimited supply of lollipops...
 
I'd want them to be nutritious
and harmless.

If I were able to give everybody
on AC who has a cat, a catnip
mouse, I'd...
 
...based on the cats I've known, have a bunch of cats that will never play with the mouse again after about a half-hour.

If I found the perfect wine for everything...
 
...I'd be very very very very drunk, and sat in a corner crying somewhere because wine makes me sad.

If I had a snail farm...
 
No one would really be surprised, I think. :snail:

If I were the mentality of Jack Benny, Mort Sahl, & Lenny Bruce,
embodied in a Lady Gaga-Beyonce set of conjoined twins,
I'd...
 
...either have the makings of the highest-rated tv show of all time or cause the spontaneous combustion of the universe.

If I wore knitted undies...
 
I'd have funny patterns impressed upon
my flesh due to the knitted-ness of the
garments.

If I were the most obnoxious potato
in the world, I'd...
 
...be the villain in the next Toy Story movie.

If The Baron and Louise got back together...
 
...you would have a hard time attracting a real man.

If I could ever love that way again...
 
...be less of a target for cats.

If I were stuck in a hospital for two years...
 
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