I think I’m lonely

[Hannibal]

I’m here to vent mainly and hear others’ similar struggles… I’m working on solutions, it just takes a long time.

I think I’m lonely. I haven’t been on this site in a couple months. Working so hard for little money exhausted me so I quit and started something else that’s much better. I’m lonely though. I miss a genuine connection with someone. I don’t want to go to bars or have a bunch of superficial friends. I miss having those one or two people I talk with who knows everything about me where we can both truly be ourselves around each other.

My big interests don’t appeal to your average person on the street so I usually get online friends. They’ve been terribly busy the past 4-5 months though and so have I.

I wish I could relate to people more easily. I’m just tired and lonely.

 

[NB79]

I hate it sometimes when NT understand each other, and express their emotions etc, and they work out their things and vent and what not, i feel i am not being understood even by my family because of my autism doesn't let me express. Sometimes i think someone 'brakes a nail' and is a big drama between NTS, i can be passing horrible stuff inside of me and nobody seem to notice.

 

[unperson]

There there, Hannibal.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I remember the social isolation I experienced from 14 to 28, as well as the desperate loneliness. The trauma was significant and I internalized it to the point of hating myself. Don't go there. It took me several years of rewriting my internal dialogue to appreciate my interests and like myself. I went from being whipsawed by the expectations of others to developing my own voice and advocating for myself, gaining my own agency. I think it was only then that I began to live and make connection that brought me out of lonelines. I hoped for an intimate connection and was surprised by a wonderful woman's acceptance of me sexually.

The isolation and loneliness left me with PTSD that I am finally dealing with. I did not appreciate how traumatic my experience was since my naive view of trauma was that it is intense and episodic and not complex and continuing over a long interval.

 

[VictorR]

We'll always be here.

 

[unperson]

yes, there's always US.

 

[Thinx]

@Hannibal

I'm sorry you are up against this, and seems it's often part of what the different communication of autism seems to lead to. I certainly have this experience. But I have usually been able to find at least one or two friends, through work or interests.

I probably have a too literal take on this, but here, you have a scary avatar and name, and say you are a cannibal in your byline. I find that a bit disturbing. I expect it's humour? Or, I'm not sure what it means? Does it express how you feel you come over, somehow?

My guess is you are up against the difficulties of fitting with NT norms that many here experience, it's tough and hard to understand. I had no idea of autism when I was 20, and I went to a lot of therapy to try to work on issues, some of which was quite useful and developmental in areas where I could develop.

I had friends in my therapy groups... I think it gave me a chance to practice and watch interacting more. I was able to work, meanwhile, and my career developed better than my social capacities, I felt one sided, as I went home to read and write poetry and go to films alone. Then as well as the therapy I went to writing groups, met some people there.

Regular groups are probably best, I found, to see the same people with a shared interest, especially if you are adequately good at it.

 

[Suzette]

I relate so well!

I am 54 and now have a best friend, my husband. But he is the first real connection I had made since I was 18. I really don't connect well with people in real life. That's the short of it.
One of my problems has been that, sometimes whrn others want to be close to me, I have been reluctant to commit so much of my energy to casual friendship. Sometimes people want to call you on the phone every day or hang out every weekend. I can't do that. Especially when I was working. Before I retired I was good for a chat once a week and and a get together once every 2 or 3 months. I found that very few people understood and they would get hurt and think I did not want their friendship.
I am much better online. Here I might spend time but I can choose my words slowly if I want (and I usuallly do).

As a suggestion you might try looking for an aspie meetup in your area at meetup.com.
Meetup.com is a great way to meet people who share your particular interests too. You might be suprised how many people share your interests.

 

[Suzanne]

Never suffered loneliness in my life, until I moved to where I am and suddenly, hit me like a "ton of bricks". Some days are better than others and as long as I have my music at top volume, often it helps to eleviate the dreadful echo in my head.

Weather does not help, when it is dull outside.

I have siblings and worse still, I am the eldest and yet, treated with very little respect. Doesn't help that I live in another country and have severe social anxiety. Have not got a licence either, so cannot just get into a car and have a drive. Incredably frustrating. However, my faith is a huge help to me and just about makes me feel worthy of being a human being.

 

[Suzette]

@Suzanne, I "liked" your post because I want you to know it has been seen. But dang girl, there is no "liking" anothers pain. I hope things improve fir you!

 

[Aspychata]

I have found people on the spectrum as long lasting friends which surprises me. We have grown and have improved because we try harder at relationships perhaps. I had to stick up for a friend tonite because she is on the spectrum and can not voice her opinions to a man she knows. I guess because she likes him. But she is on the spectrum and seems to make friends easily, it's just communication failure. Can you go to a meetups with Asperger type groups?

 

[ucrenegade]

I understand and I thought it would be cool to have friends also but then my wife reminded me would I even be a good friend. I have very little empathy, can't stand small talk, and if it doesn't interest me I probably would only half listen with literally no eye contact. So if I can't be a good friend why should I expect someone to be a friend to me. So now I am on here to listen to people and their stories and realize I am not alone after all.

 

[Tom]

Isn't that to be expected though? I mean if as soon as you meet someone, in the pot they go?

 

[watersprite]

@Tom do you live in PNG?!

@Hannibal
Hope you are feeling better. I’m not sure how I occasionally get rid of the monster that is loneliness.
Painting is my hoby or stim and sometimes a business and it seems to delight and torture me with an offshoot being I forget how lonely I am.

I found it was even worse when I was with someone who needed the relationship (quote unquote) to conform to some zero sum game he’s trapped in.

 

[Tom]

@Tom do you live in PNG?!