foliodoe
I'm living my whole life at once.
I've been posting here about a person that I've been talking to for about a month, maybe a little more. She's the same age as me (34) and we get along well. I really like this person. I feel like this is someone I could fall in love with. Honestly, it feels like time is being wasted right now. Why is courtship such a long and arduous process? Why can't I just say, "Let's be in love starting now and see what happens," but instead I have to pretend to be cooler and more calm about the whole thing than I really am. Am I immature? Am I crazy?
Anyway, at the beginning of the week we shared videos of each other singing. It was a lot of fun! Talking about them together was a lot of fun too. But that was a few days ago. Since then, things have kind of cooled off and it's making me really sad, really insecure too. It makes me feel like I did something wrong or like she's not as interested as she was. But I can't say that. If I say that, I know it will put her off for good and make her uncomfortable.
If I don't initiate a conversation with her, we probably won't have a conversation that day. I'm trying to brainstorm a new creative project we could do, so we have more to talk about. But it's so much work! And it feels like I'm putting in all this effort just to get someone to notice me or like me back. It ALWAYS feels this way. Unless I'm being pursued by someone I have absolutely no interest in.
I'm at a loss. I was feeling so optimistic, so happy and excited at the start of the week. Now I feel worthless, foolish, and lonely. I just want to love and be loved. I want intimacy, trust, loyalty, affection, etc. I want someone to make an investment in me. It feels like I can't get anyone I like to care about me the way I want them to, the way I care about them. I don't know how to make people excited about me. I'm not giving up, but it's difficult finding the energy every day to keep pushing forward. I'm starting to feel like I'm resenting this person for making things so difficult. But that's putting me in an awful mood and making me avoidant. I don't know what to do.
Any insight? Thanks for reading.
Anyway, at the beginning of the week we shared videos of each other singing. It was a lot of fun! Talking about them together was a lot of fun too. But that was a few days ago. Since then, things have kind of cooled off and it's making me really sad, really insecure too. It makes me feel like I did something wrong or like she's not as interested as she was. But I can't say that. If I say that, I know it will put her off for good and make her uncomfortable.
If I don't initiate a conversation with her, we probably won't have a conversation that day. I'm trying to brainstorm a new creative project we could do, so we have more to talk about. But it's so much work! And it feels like I'm putting in all this effort just to get someone to notice me or like me back. It ALWAYS feels this way. Unless I'm being pursued by someone I have absolutely no interest in.
I'm at a loss. I was feeling so optimistic, so happy and excited at the start of the week. Now I feel worthless, foolish, and lonely. I just want to love and be loved. I want intimacy, trust, loyalty, affection, etc. I want someone to make an investment in me. It feels like I can't get anyone I like to care about me the way I want them to, the way I care about them. I don't know how to make people excited about me. I'm not giving up, but it's difficult finding the energy every day to keep pushing forward. I'm starting to feel like I'm resenting this person for making things so difficult. But that's putting me in an awful mood and making me avoidant. I don't know what to do.
Any insight? Thanks for reading.