I love affection and intimacy - can I still be aspie?

[Michael Wood]

One of the things I have always struggled with about possibly being on the spectrum is that all of the videos and articles I have seen all suggest that people with aspergers don't like intimacy, don't like being touched or hugged, and struggle to show they care about someone. I am the opposite, I am overly affectionate and love being touched. I also have no boundaries. does that mean I am probably not on the spectrum and something else is going on, or can you be autistic and still love hugging, kissing and touching?

 

[Crossbreed]

I [ASD1] like touch at appropriate levels from people close to me. Less so outside of them.
Outside of my wife, other family members may handle me anywhere except my privates.
My ASD3 daughter will reach out to hug almost anybody.

 

[Ban]

I wouldn't consider enjoying intimacy and affection to mean you are less likely to be on the spectrum whatsoever.
I think in a lot of cases our willingness for intimacy and affection can be more person/situation/mood dependent than for a NT but there is definitely no hard and fast rules either way.

 

[Owliet]

Think it’s a bit of a myth to find someone on the spectrum who doesn’t like a form of intimacy. Not that they don’t exist but I think it depends on factors. I’ve seen People who are labeled as ASD3 who absolutely love hugs and things like that, whilst I’ve seen others who are ASD1 who absolutely hate any form of intimacy. It also really depends on the person with their expectations and experiences. Im a bit strange regarding accessible intimacy from others because unless I expect it, I don’t like others touching me, it feels weird. It’s why I hate the free hugs people who frequent cons. I’m not Even a huge fan of hugs from my own family at times, but it doesn’t mean that I completely shun it. I’m like a cat, it has to be on my terms, when I’m ok and prepared for it.

 

[Michael Wood]

I [ASD1] like touch at appropriate levels from people close to me. Less so outside of them.
Outside of my wife, other family members may handle me anywhere except my privates.
My ASD3 daughter will reach out to hug almost anybody.

Thank you for this, it has always bothered me that I don't exhibit that, so might not have it

 

[Michael Wood]

I wouldn't consider enjoying intimacy and affection to mean you are less likely to be on the spectrum whatsoever.
I think in a lot of cases our willingness for intimacy and affection can be more person/situation/mood dependent than for a NT but there is definitely no hard and fast rules either way.

that makes a lot of sense, thank you

 

[Atrapa Almas]

On a decent percent of people in the spectrum there are sensory issues. Those can come in the form of hipo or hiper sensibility.

Lets take a person that may have hiper sensibility in the listening channel. They many need to wear ear protection as they listen virtually a lot. That couple with our difficulties to filter signals (that happens a lot on the spectrum) could made going to a Heavy Metal concert a torture for that person. (This is the case of Temple Grandin, super recomended author of some books).

Lets take a person with this issue on the skin, they may feel touchs too intensely or even feel hurt. They may need to wear certain cloths and avoid others that hurt their skin. They may need to remove the labels (I need to do that because I sense them all the time and cant filter that feeling so I am aware of them and that distracts me). But at the same time may have other touch anormalitys. As an example I do love massages and hugs from people I love (and dislike from people I dont know well), and I love scratching my back at the shower or with a wall like bears do with trees. I love scratching my head too. I also love the feeling of the ground in my feets so I bougth "fivefingers" shoes to enjoy more casual walks. This is how this skin issue does express on myself, but can be totally different in other person.

There are issues with all the senses, plus with other "inner" sensory systems like thermal regulation, equilibrium, self awarenes of the body, coordination, and many others. They affect many but not all of autists, and in very different ways and intensities. Other issues to dislike hugs may be emotional or even cultural (go to hug a japanesse and see what happens )

Lots of info about this topic in books about autism, I learned a lot with the "Autist Brain" from Temple Grandin.

Welcome.

 

[disconnected]

I like touch and hugging. The thing you will find out is the “experts” still can know VERY little about ASD and I feel many of the teachings and text are out dated.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

When in bed with my wife her snuggling close and putting her arm over me feels really nice.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Michael Wood , of course you can enjoy affection and intimacy and still be Autistic. There are many examples on this site. Many with Autism desire these basic needs and the problem comes from the ways that Autism has of interfering with our ability to achieve them. A common issue (that I also have) is the inability to understand the social world, many times being blind to social convention and social communication, including body language. Until I deliberately changed to understand the social, practiced it, and then applied what I was learning, I was terrified at approaching women to see if we can connect.

Only after maturing a bit socially and emotionally could I have progressed into a relationship to realize the affection and intimacy I desired.

 

[Judge]

No joke intended at all. At least not from my perspective.

Where all I can do is to lament, "It's complicated!!!!!"

That in this context I suspect many of us can be quite contradictory over such considerations. I know I am.

Essentially making relationships very difficult to sustain over time. Guilty as charged.

 

[Aspychata]

I like hugs from the person l like but l really have to like them. Otherwise don't touch me. I was upset with a co-worker who kept touching my shoulders. My bar manager made fun of me but l don't like strange people touching me.

 

[Judge]

I like hugs from the person l like but l really have to like them. Otherwise don't touch me. I was upset with a co-worker who kept touching my shoulders. My bar manager made fun of me but l don't like strange people touching me.

Even people I might casually know give me the creeps if they touch me. Just weirds me out!

 

[Callistemon]

I like hugs from the person l like but l really have to like them. Otherwise don't touch me. I was upset with a co-worker who kept touching my shoulders. My bar manager made fun of me but l don't like strange people touching me.

My husband cheered when social distancing became a thing!

For the OP - on some self-tests online he comes out cusp Aspie (with some traits very Aspie). He doesn't particularly enjoy socialising except with people he likes and has things in common with, and in general he finds interacting with others in the general public draining - but isn't drained by hanging out with me. He avoids rather than seeks interaction with strangers in particular. (I'm much more outgoing and enjoy interacting with people, strangers included, and am energised by those interactions, so long as they aren't negative interactions.)

He also isn't particularly touchy-feely even with people he likes - and thinks My Big Fat Greek Wedding is one of the nine circles of hell...

On the other hand, he loves cats and cuddles them, and likes to hang out with our donkeys to give them scratchies and cuddles, and whisper sweet nothings into their long bunny-ears.

With me he's totally affectionate, lots of hugs and cuddles and not with some ulterior motive either like some other males I dated in the past, who didn't seem to be able to separate physical contact and sex until you felt that they were only faking the affection so they could get you in bed. That's completely different with him, thank goodness - and not to the detriment of sex either. There's just this very fundamental respect in everything which I find fantastic.

 

[Au Naturel]

One of the things I have always struggled with about possibly being on the spectrum is that all of the videos and articles I have seen all suggest that people with aspergers don't like intimacy, don't like being touched or hugged, and struggle to show they care about someone. I am the opposite, I am overly affectionate and love being touched. I also have no boundaries. does that mean I am probably not on the spectrum and something else is going on, or can you be autistic and still love hugging, kissing and touching?

If you have met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie. We're all different. I love closeness and affection too - as long as I know the person well. If a stranger put their hand on me, I wouldn't like that.

 

[Fino]

Humans desire intimacy.

 

[Ronin82]

I crave physical affection and touch, so as long as the touch isn't overtly harmful in some way, I generally allow it. Still learning the social rules around such things, but I love learning. I just found out about cuddle buddies and found myself one so I can work on being physical without the sexual expectations. I love cuddling dogs, horses, anything furry, and some humans, but I find I'm more afraid of being accused of being creepy with people. It's a work in progress. I do NOT like affection from people with "off" energy, though, like my mom. We are so incompatible that I literally can't stand being touched by her. Can't explain it, but ewwww. I'm careful about the energies of the people I let touch me, but I do love touch now!

 

[Aspychata]

The great thing about Covid- l could say step back from me please. Now those norms are gone, and overbearing people are back to getting close and touching because that's that. Hugging is very personal, l understand the need for human touch but a excellent Swedish massage will take care of that.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I don’t mind being touched and intimacy if I’m comfortable around a person. The only problem I have is that I’m extremely ticklish and I will start squirming and giggling uncontrollably sometimes when I get touched. I don’t mind being ticklish and don’t let that make me not want to be touched but it can be hard if I’m basically being tickled and I’m laugh so hard for too long that I start gasping for air. I just don’t like being touched suddenly from behind at all ever since ninth grade. I want intimacy really badly but I can’t find anyone interested enough in me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I don’t mind being touched and intimacy if I’m comfortable around a person. The only problem I have is that I’m extremely ticklish and I will start squirming and giggling uncontrollably sometimes when I get touched. I don’t mind being ticklish and don’t let that make me not want to be touched but it can be hard if I’m basically being tickled and I’m laugh so hard for too long that I start gasping for air. I just don’t like being touched suddenly from behind at all ever since ninth grade. I want intimacy really badly but I can’t find anyone interested enough in me.

I sure hope you find somebody. My somebody helped me greatly.