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I just realized that I have been under a very deep depression for several months, and that it is time to heal. But how?


You know, that one lady we met that one time.
V.I.P Member
This morning I woke up to replies made to a thread I started last year. The girl last year, she was very different. She is my authentic self without the pain.

A whole lot of things happened in the last 365. I don't wish to list them out here. But it was hard on the soul.

If most of them had happened directly to me, I'd have been more resilient. But most of them happened to the people I love most. The people I depend upon. The people I look up to. The people I need. The people for whom every instinct of mine is to nurture and protect.

After reading that post from last year, I just realized that I have been in a very deep depression for several months.

I am naturally a cheerful and optimistic person. I only get down or anxious over real things that happen.

Real things happened to my loved ones, and I couldn't stop the hurt.

And real things happened to me.

All right. The truth is revealed. Now what?

I don't want this spirit of sad to be my identity. I will fight against it.

I will remember love.

I will remember hope.

I will remember my faith, values, my loved ones who are still on this side of Heaven.

I will get over this sadness.

But first it needs acknowledging. It says, "Please notice me. I'm here too."

But how do I get over it?

Deep inside I'm still the sunny girl I always was. She's been hurt and she's scared.

But I have to get a grip on things. A lot of people depend on me. The ones I care about in fact.

I need to be there for them.

But this sad little girl is here inside too.

Where is the balance?

What do I do?

All I know is that I have to fight this. I can't be fake happy. I hate myself when I am sappy happy. I am a liar at those times. I need to be authentic for everyone so that I can help everyone.

I am so done with being depressed.

I need to acknowledge, process, allow to feel, look toward the future.

It's like Easter. The tomb is opened. Great loss and fear at the revelation of the empty sepulcher. But then, right after, hope is realized. And in that hope, joy is manifest.

Feel truthfully how I feel. Do not suppress. Notice the miracle in every moment. And find joy.

Acknowledge the long sad. Comfort the long sad. Apologize to those that were affected by the long sad. And look to the rainbow and the sun. Bring loved ones towards it too.

I suppose that's it.

Hard to advise you, as you know best what's likely to be best for you. You've made some good suggestions about your ways forward here.

I hope that you have some support from others, to help you through what sounds like a really difficult time. I'm sorry you've had to go through all this. What will you do differently ongoing?
Definitely have been in a dark corner myself. I look for small things to make me smile. Like great coffee, beautiful weather. The news has been very depressing, which hasn't been great to watch daily. I feel your daughter loves you and would feel horrible if she knew how you really felt. I only do my errands when l absolutely have too.l have disengaged socially, because l need to accept that l am sad, and then release it without people around me nonstop. And l do slowly get things done which gives me a sense of accomplishment. And finally, l have a giant reorganization project going on, so that keeps me hopeful that one more day brings me closer to a cleaner organized place. And l have a friend near me that deals with depression, and we do keep tabs on each other and how we are feeling. Like a pity party for two. We know we can moan to each other and we know there are no judgments, criticism, berating, just an available supportive person. It's funny, l felt quite drawn to her house, and l helped her from being evicted. That makes me smile every day.
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Allow yourself to grieve, and then remember the good times with your father. You can start a little journal about him to honor his beautiful family life. And it would hold those memories and help you keep his spirit alive.
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The therapists I was seeing during depression were very big on mindfulness, living in the moment. Depression comes from past events. (I had bad habits of rumination on past, traumatic events.) But you are here, now. “Notice the miracle in every moment. And find joy.” You already know the path. There are others who are ready to walk it with you.
After reading that post from last year, I just realized that I have been in a very deep depression for several months.
It's normal to feel this way after loss of the closest family and and as a result of illness in the family (if I interpret the situation right). I don't know what to say other than that I'm very sorry for your loss. Mourning is something we all go through at some point in life and the more we love someone and the more the person loved us, the deeper and colder the void is.

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