I have Aspergers, just reached adulthood, but struggling with various issues

[ayoungaspie]

This is going to be a really long note, so thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to read it. I just turned 18 two months ago, and I was diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD at the age of 13 (quite a late diagnosis, I know!). At the moment I am struggling in particular with motivation, social situations and I also have a lot of obsessions and anxiety. I'm currently studying painting and decorating (second year). My parents think I could do something better, even though I didn't do too well in GCSEs (despite being quite intelligent), but P&D is definitely something I enjoy doing and am quite good at.

I guess I'll start off with obsessions because this is something that is really getting me down at the moment. As a typical aspie, I've always had obsessions, which tend to go in cycles. Some of these are interests, others anxious obsessions, occasionally both. Recently, my height has been bothering me a lot. I'm only just over 5ft 4, about 5ft 4.25 or 5ft 4.5 to be precise. I was always a short kid, but had a late puberty (interestingly this appears to be an autism thing), and fell noticeably below everyone else from age 13-15 (seemingly because most other boys had growth spurts). Around age 16, not long after I noticed puberty, I was shooting up -- I've grown around 7 inches in the last three years. However, I haven't noticed any growth in the last six months or so, although the six months before that I grew about an inch.

I don't want this post to become purely about how much I've grown, or may grow, etc. So I guess I'll get to the point. I'm fairly certain I won't see more than about a 1/2 inch more growth, despite my late puberty. When I was 15, an endocrinologist predicted I would be 5ft 6. Since then, my classically autistic mind has had this fixed idea that being this height would somehow make me happy (despite still being below average), and that even if I am slightly less than this as an adult, it is inadequate. This is how it works in my mind anyway, because it is a fixed idea and obsession. I am worried that I will never get a girlfriend, because not only do I have Aspergers which makes things harder, but my height means that most girls will not even give me a chance. When there has been a girl I liked, I always know (no matter if she is very shallow or just a little bit shallow), I have absolutely no chance because of the way I am. In terms of height, being below 5ft5 means I am shorter than over 95% of men and 50% of women. This depresses me a lot, I feel like my dad has it much better than me even at 5ft 8. When I see a guy who is 6ft 4 or taller and is at least average build, I know that I could not defend myself or a woman against such a person even if I wanted to, if the guy wanted to hurt us.

I know this is starting to sound like a bit of a sob story, but I'm finding it really hard to be content with the way I am. Does anyone think I'm totally at a disadvantage because of my height? Can anyone relate to this or offer any advice? I haven't mentioned my social worries and stuff because this post is long enough already, and I think that once I am able to sort this issue in my mind it will be easier to tackle my other worries. Depending on the replies I may go into detail about these issues.

 

[The Penguin]

I would't always consider height to be a disadvantage. Think of Hilter. He was not tall yet he manages to have a lot of power for a period of time in history. I'm not telling you to be like Hilter, but my point is, it's not always about the height but how you manage your life.

I'm 6 feet and 3 inches. I had lots of issues with my life. So being tall didn't make my life any easier. The fact you just turn 18 you have lots of time to figure out things for your life. I mean this is time people finish high school and there many people don't have everything worked out with their life yet.

I fight for everything in my life. I was placed in a foster home at age 15 and lived on my own at age 17. The foster care system helped pay for college. For my last year of college, they didn't want to help me. By law, they have to. I applied for a student loan. I did get approved. However, someone stood up for me and the foster care system did pay for my final year of college. But even if they were unwilling to help me, I still would have taken out that loan. I had many endless road blocks, but once again, it had nothing to do with my height. It had to do how hard I'm willing to fight for what I want for my life. Not everyone has the energy to do this. There have been many times I could have been homeless. But I always had faith things will get better for me.

 

[Pyrola]

I understand about appearance causing anxiety, I get obsessed with my skin sometimes, and it's hard to leave it alone. Height certainly isn't everything. There are many women shorter than 5'5, so you shouldn't worry about that. I suppose it depends on where you live. I live in an area with a high Hispanic population (myself included), and I see short men and women all the time. When I went to visit my family in Mexico, I was towering over people, and I'm 5'6! So I guess what I'm trying to get at is what's considered "short" and "tall" is relative. I think it's great you are studying painting and decorating, keep doing things you love and try to focus on them instead!

 

[Kari Suttle]

I can understand feeling down about your appearance. I'm not even five feet tall, just an inch under it about. That plus the fact i have lots of self harm scars and have always gotten remarks even from family about being too skinny and being such a picky eater. I hate eating in front of people for that very reason. Adulthood has been more of a struggle for me than my teen years ever were, i'll be honest, but i also think i've grown up more than i ever did in my teen years.

 

[Rocco]

Perhaps you need a nudge in the self confidence department?
I won't deny your arguments about average height, but remember, tall people bang our heads a lot more

Perhaps you could consider taking self defense classes, wrestling, or something. Size isn't everything. I have seen little guys pummel much bigger opponents.

Eat healthy and take your vitamins. You might grow still yet. I didn't even get armpit hair until I was 20

I also grew an inch taller between 18-24 years old.

Don't underestimate yourself, not every girl wants a tall guy.

Best wishes and kind sentiments.

 

[The Penguin]

Perhaps you need a nudge in the self confidence department?
I won't deny your arguments about average height, but remember, tall people bang our heads a lot more

Perhaps you could consider taking self defense classes, wrestling, or something. Size isn't everything. I have seen little guys pummel much bigger opponents.

Eat healthy and take your vitamins. You might grow still yet. I didn't even get armpit hair until I was 20

I also grew an inch taller between 18-24 years old.

Don't underestimate yourself, not every girl wants a tall guy.

Best wishes and kind sentiments.

Yeah and speaking of which I did took karate. That 5 foot, 6 inches instructor throw my 6 foot, 3 inches ass on the ground like I'm a piece of paper.

 

[Rocco]

I live in an area with a high Hispanic population (removed text), and I see short men and women all the time.

I was going to say this too

I think it's great you are studying painting and decorating, keep doing things you love and try to focus on them instead

This^^^

I'm not even five feet tall, just an inch under it about.

I think this is awesome. I also think there is too much hype about tall women. I'm not dissing on tall females, I just find women shorter than me appealing more often than not.
Hope that doesn't sound creepy.

 

[Judge]

I had a girlfriend at 4'9". She was well more than a foot shorter than I was. Never was an issue.

 

[AsheSkyler]

There is one fellow I knew who stayed about 5'5" until college. He's 6'3" now. LATE bloomer.

As a dabbling martial artist, don't be afraid of the big guys. Especially the big big guys. Once you figure out how to use size and weight against somebody, it's fairly easy to defend yourself against them. It's you fleet-footed squirts that are a pain to spar with because you're hard to catch, and since you're lower to the ground you can duck easier and generally stay out of reach. The taller and heftier guys tend to be slower and easier targets unless they've done some serious speed training.

I've always been the opposite. I was an inch shy of my adult height at 14 and I was teased maliciously for it. Nobody seems to like it if you're too short or too tall. Especially those really height-conscious guys who are convinced I'm six feet tall because I can look them in the eye. (They're not 6', they're in denial.)

 

[Granta_Omega]

I would't always consider height to be a disadvantage. Think of Hilter. He was not tall yet he manages to have a lot of power for a period of time in history. I'm not telling you to be like Hilter, but my point is, it's not always about the height but how you manage your life.

I'm 6 feet and 3 inches. I had lots of issues with my life. So being tall didn't make my life any easier. The fact you just turn 18 you have lots of time to figure out things for your life. I mean this is time people finish high school and there many people don't have everything worked out with their life yet.

I fight for everything in my life. I was placed in a foster home at age 15 and lived on my own at age 17. The foster care system helped pay for college. For my last year of college, they didn't want to help me. By law, they have to. I applied for a student loan. I did get approved. However, someone stood up for me and the foster care system did pay for my final year of college. But even if they were unwilling to help me, I still would have taken out that loan. I had many endless road blocks, but once again, it had nothing to do with my height. It had to do how hard I'm willing to fight for what I want for my life. Not everyone has the energy to do this. There have been many times I could have been homeless. But I always had faith things will get better for me.

Who is Hilter?

 

[The Penguin]

Who is Hilter?

Adolf Hitler

 

[Ereth]

Who is Hilter?

Penguin has a learning disorder, IIRC, so he has some trouble with spelling and grammar. Don't hold it against him.

 

[ayoungaspie]

Hey guys, thanks so much for your supportive responses!!! They helped a lot

The other thing which has been getting me down is my social worries. When I was at school I never had that much trouble making friends, but had and still do have trouble maintaining friendships. I found it especially easier to interact with those more 'unpopular' kids who were nicer. Now I have left (since over two years ago), I have kept in loose touch with some and close touch with a few. One of my closer friends is now going uni and becoming less close Another one who used to live a 3 minute walk away has moved about 10 miles further and seems to have moved on in his social life.

Gaming is one of my main hobbies -- occasionally obsessively but it has been a big hobby for a long time since I'm not really the sporty type. I know it's not really a productive or character-building hobby (in the opinion of many) but I do enjoy it a lot. However, I don't really play online with any friends as I'd like to. I'm more on the outer circle of a small group of friends (who I knew at school) who play games together, and I find it VERY hard to know when to initiate a game and start a conversation because I'm not at the front of their radar (no pun intended lol), if that makes sense. In other words I struggle to be myself and be proactive in order to fit in better, as it rarely feels right to take the initiative. I have surprised myself a few times by biting the bullet and in turn they have done the same but I always end up feeling unsure again. I would say I spend a lot of time trying to get people to like me and put obstacles in my own way, instead of just being myself, but realizing this doesn't seem to make it any easier. I also try to figure out what other people are thinking a lot, instead of 'taking risks'.

Anyway I'm blabbing on again, but given everything, recently in particular (the last week or so) I've barely had any interaction apart from college. In my free time I'm very lonely but have been analysing to death a lot of my worries (friendships and height), which hasn't helped my mental state. It definitely feels like a very dark and lonely time at the moment

 

[AsheSkyler]

The unpopular kids usually have the more fun discussions anyway. It's hard to get the popular kids get out in the dirt and have fun. =)
The ones around here, anyway.

Penguin has a learning disorder, IIRC, so he has some trouble with spelling and grammar. Don't hold it against him.

I didn't even catch that. I thought he had wrote "Hitler" the first time and had to reread it several times before I figured out it was "Hilter". Those long, scrawny letters all look the same when they're standing next to each other!

 

[JamesBond]

I wouldnt stress too much. You can still grow little bit by little bit till your 25 in some cases and maybe because you were late through
Puberty, you may still have a lot of growing to do yet.
TO find a genuine partner, height isn't Important, it's the you inside that counts. So look after your inner health

 

[JamesBond]

I think you need a pen pal or net friend. Someone who doesn't know you face to face, but will learn to know you through what you choose to share with them. I have done that and its great. Look for someone who shares a passion for something you have an obsession about. That way you have a common topic to talk about. A net friend won't judge you, never having met you. They can share day to day stuff to change your focus off yourself and look at what someone else has been up to.
Just an idea!