I hate feeling angry/evil

[Jorg]

I didn't find a related thread to post this, but I guess here I go. I just hate to feel angry or evil, even when I'm standing for something.

Today was enrollment day in my college, there are 2 days and I'm most of the time schedueled to enroll on 2nd day. As many of other students I sometimes struggle to find free quota or space on classes and I'm not able to take that class. This has been a problem for years, since I started studying there many people can't enroll even a single class because there are not enough classrooms, professors, etc. Today a guy answered a students post (who was concerned of this issue) and the guy just told him that's a fair system and the university is just making "successfull" students advance and removing not so good students, and those students are lazy.

Btw, the enrollment appointment is based on how many classes you took and passed the previous year, i.e. My appointment for today was based in 1st semester, 2018 scores.

I replied to him that I desagree with him because a student never fails a class because he liked it, there are many reasons someone could go wrong, family problems, personal issues, I mean in this forums we all know how it is like to feel anxious, sad, depressed, etc, and even when we try our best we can fail.

I understand the fact high score students go first and enroll with the best professors and schedueles, but leaving someone without education because there aren't enough resources, or even worse (like in my uni's case) because the new classes and space are horrible calculated by the administration?

I myself had to abandon a couple of classes a couple of years ago because I was going through a bad time, a colleague told me last semester he had to abbandon a class because of family issues and I support him because I know family and mental health ave more important than a class in a semester, what about students who are also parents and need to take care of their children?

I "may" understand if this happends in a private university, but my university is public, right to education is written in constitution and we have already passed the admision test to be accepted there, we also pay for the semester and to be honest (and a lot of older professors whom I have talked to agree) the actual workers/professors are just crap and lazy so many interested students could fail because of the bad performance of their teacher. Now, I0m not saying we as students aren't guilty and we should pass every class with the less effort, but even when we do our best external factors like depression and fatigue can play us bad.

Anyway, II started to feel offended and many other people agreed with me, the "only high score students should prevail guy" is a well known "troll" on students fb group but nevertheless. I guess I started to feel like when Bruce Banner starts to transform into Hulk and how afrad Bruce is of unleashing a beast. I just hate the angry me, it is like Dr. Jekyll and the monster Hyde.

 

[tree]

Are you saying that you don't believe you have a right to negative feelings regarding the situation?
And that by having negative feelings you are somehow a bad person?

 

[Fino]

It sounds like a frustrating situation.

Did you have many thoughts and feelings not mentioned here that made you feel "evil"? The first definition for "evil" that comes up is "profoundly immoral and wicked," which isn't something I got from your post.

 

[Jorg]

I was frustrated by "injustice" I guess, I sometimes could be a sob but I hate that lack of solidarity or "humanism" in people, maybe that's why the modern world is so f...ed up.

But the part of being angry I can't stand is certain point when I turn in a bitter, cynic, mf, when I could even start to joke sarcastically in very sensible topics, it really feels like having poison in my body. This only happends when people I try to explain myself seem to keep going and going with the same "inhuman" s...t like this guy (and also another one) started.

I can't see if I wrote it at first, but at some point one this jackasses said people who aren't able to stay commited at semester having some family issue or something should stop taking other's people's place at the classroom and left studies. Oh sure, like I could scheduele problems...

 

[UberScout]

Anger is a natural, normal human emotion. Nobody should ever be taught not to feel angry, because it can be used as a tool. A tool and a weapon, if you decide to use it the right way.

Given, I was taught to use anger at a VERY young age; I never felt anger until I was three. I remember being taken out of the bath, and for seemingly no reason my biological father comes in with a stack of paper. He raises his voice in saying "Dawn, you wanna tell me what the H. this is?!" Two seconds later, all I could do was sit there in my mom's arm, burying my face in her chest as they screamed their heads off.

It was then that my biological father, the one I started out with, began to display anger more and more, and didn't discriminate about showing it to me. He then taught me his own philosophy: say what you mean, and mean what you say. Basically he was telling his toddler that you can say whatever you want as long as you intend to mean it, and if you mean it, then you shouldn't take it back.

If it wasn't for him telling that to me at such a young age, and then proceeding to show me explicitly different ways that people used anger, I probably wouldn't have such a dark, bitter and gritty attitude.

You all could see that when I first joined, I was so cheery, happy, lightweight and upbeat. I was a fluttering butterfly of excitement.

Now my family and I are doomed to die in a hotel room, and my sister was plucked away before she got to grow up with me and my parents. All of this and I'm still expected by society to believe in some kind of god that will fix all that.

That's why all parts of the world are the same as the animal kingdom, the beasts that first inhabited this land with Adam and Eve before us. They all followed one simple rule: Kill or be killed. If you didn't claw at the face of a lion that was trying to kill you, it bit through your jugular and ate your carcass.

Now, that rule is still followed today, to a mixed extent. But I use "kill" in a metaphorical sense; if you don't take from them, they take from you.

So, evil, too, is a human emotion. Not that you should BE evil. But it's your choice.

 

[Fino]

Doesn't a belief in Adam and Eve imply a belief in God?

 

[Oldlady]

The concept of good and evil are human. I think animals have a type of morality, but humans have elevated it to a different level. I think it has evolved with us because it is useful for the survival of the species. Otherwise, it would have gone away at some point. The story of Adam and Eve may be a human attempt to explain where the moral concept came from ... how it evolved. We are programmed to feel bad when we do something that goes against our moral compass. This is good for the species, but not always good for the individual.

 

[Pats]

I know in nursing school they weeded out people. We started at 60 students and by the end of the first year was down to 28. But it wasn't just the scores. If you were having a problem at home, the teachers would strongly encourage you to quit. The reason they did that is because they only want people who are going to put school first and not let everyday problems interfere. This particular school had one of the highest passing nursing board rates. They weed out the weaker. I never let anyone know my homelife problems - which we all had, because I didn't want them to use it against me like I seen them do to so many of the others. And I'm not implying that those that didn't make it were weak, they were just more easily influenced by the teachers. I never thought it was fair either.