Here I’m hoping as someone on the spectrum, she’ll be patient with me as I would her, that she’ll understand me, that she won’t play game.
Let’s put this shoe on the other foot for a second. She brings me over to her place after a meal and I start putting the moves on her and I put my hand on her face for a selfie she wants and she wants to kiss me and I kiss her not just once, but multiple times and she wants to see me again and make my dinner.
Then after all that I tell her I want to be friends first and I meant to say that, and say it could be platonic or romantic.
Don’t you think that’d be pretty scummy of me to do that to a woman? I’d never, ever, ever do such a thing to a woman.
I’m sure I’d get condemned for such actions. And guess what? I’d deserve it.
I want a woman I can spoil and pamper. I’d feel good about myself by showering my better half with love, affection and gifts, just how good I’d feel.
Being an only child, very few friends my whole life, I was spoiled. Now, I’m looking for someone to do that to.
I think it's so beautiful that you are ready for love. It's fair enough that you feel confused and hurt. She's given you mixed messages and that would do my head in too.
I think it important to communicate and get things clear. Lots of us aren't particularly good at that, though, so I hope she's will be straight and clear with you, you deserve that from her. IMO. I think it's important to guage how considerate and respectful she's willing to be. If she just wants it all on her terms with no respect for your feelings, well, that would be a deal-breaker for me.
It might be that she doesn't yet know what she wants. But it does sound like she is in to you, and maybe just wants to slow things down a bit. Yes, she moved too fast. Her body knew what it wanted, perhaps, but her head said other things, after the fact.it's just such early days yet, so it's hard to definitively say, either way.
The uncertainty of these kinds of situations are really hard, I know. I think it's important to let yourself feel how you feel and find a way to put in self-protective boundaries, even though, it seems she's broken through your defenses and that is disconcerting and scary. An emotionally vulnerable time for you, so say the least.
It's good you can be busy and have a job to keep you focused on other things as much as possible. I got into working out in a big way, while I was waiting for my guy. I wanted to make myself as irresistible as possible, I'll admit. I was shamelessly besotted. It turns out I was right to be crazy about him. He's a goody and we are perfect for each other. I hope people don't read this and hate me for saying that. We've been through absolute hell, before we found each other for many decades so when we met, we were both in terrible emotional shape from abusive other people and I don't think anyone can last too long in such a hostile environment that we'd endured, so finding each other was "God's Grace" if you ask me.
Figuring out what we actually want is half the job, in life, I reckon. Maybe she's just not clear about that and needs time to figure herself out. In hindsight, my guy was very wise to "put the brakes on" as he puts it. We both had a lot going on, at the time and such a big thing as this needs time. Committing to a relationship is one of the most important and life altering decisions of one's life, so moving at the pace that keeps people feeling in control of their own lives is important, and at the same time, it's a huge "letting go" You know the old adage "If you love someone, let them go". I had to do that in a big way, with my guy. It was very hard and painful at first, but then again, I was in a huge amount of emotional pain, already, as it was. So I had to find ways to work through that, and not project that onto the person (I was already) in love with. I fell hard and fast, he much slower, but no less, as he's completely into me now. He's a faithful, loyal and deeply committed man and I'm very, very, fortunate.
