My partner was a bit like this at first. I was the one to tell him I had feelings for him (we met through our children being best friends) and he got physical with me and later backed off.
In his case he'd had a lot of relational trauma and he got scared. Things were moving too fast.
He did say he wanted friendship with me.
So initially, after hot steamy attraction. I was friend zoned and I was devastated because I had zero doubts about him. I was so attracted, I quickly became obsessed.
I had to back off. And I respected his boundaries. I accepted the friendship and eventually he was ready to trust that I was a safe enough person to proceed with and now we've been together for 14 years and we're still crazy about each other.
You know what I did? I played the field while waiting for him to be ready for more. I got on with my life. I studied. I worked. I got in great shape. I cried a lot in the shower. I had some shallow meaningless sex with people I wasn't invested in too, which, I'll admit, I'm not super proud of, and I don't particularly condone or1 recommend but I was nursing a broken heart and doing whatever I could to distract myself.
We talked a lot on the phone and we both valued each other as a friend, first and foremost, because both being autistic people we have both had a lot of loneliness, bullying, very hard times and a decided lack of real friends, so the most beautiful thing WAS the fact that, FINALLY, we both found a friend.
It sounds like there is attraction between you, so my advice would be to relax, take it easy, see her as a person, as a friend, don't try to get heavy or rush things.
As a woman you get sick of the fact that, pretty much nearly every man you meet, wants to get in your pants and that's about all he really seems interested in. That's boring because any woman will do. We all have the right body parts. But a guy who sees you? As a person, first and foremost? That's rare. Someone who doesn't have that same Ole obvious agenda? Who is willing to get to know you and see if you really are compatible for a long term relationship? That's worth taking your time for. That's worth pursuing.
I was the one to initiate in my relationship, which, I know, is rare for a female. I'm an unusual woman, to say the least, but, I am in a successful relationship, after a lot of very painful, lonely and hard times and I've got there by being respectful, being patient, letting go of my expectations and attachments time and time again, listening to my heart and honoring myself, doing self care and being proactive in developing myself, being courageous and reaching out and communicating, time and time again, getting over feeling sorry for myself while at the same time, having compassion and understanding for myself, putting myself "out there" and building social confidence and just generally getting on with my life and that made me infinitely more attractive and alluring to the person I wanted to attract.
