I feel like I don't love my parents

[TouhouFan28]

I'll mostly just talk about my parents.
-Treated me well
-Never abused me
-Grew up with a lot of privilege and blessings
Yet,
-*I don't feel love.*

I feel like I don't love my parents. I only just feel gravitational attachment. As a child, I was quite clingy. I would be very anxious when my parents would leave me alone, I would often feel unnatural being without my mom or dad and going out alone felt naked almost. Yet, I don't love them. I get uncomfortable saying, "I love you" to them. I get uncomfortable showing affection to them, it feels unnatural for me to even hang out with them. I feel uncomfortable giving them gifts. Yet, for my sibling it's natural.

My dad would try to teach me guitar or golf and I always felt icky. Not that I didn't like my father or golf, it was just an icky unnatural feeling I couldn't shake off.

 

[Tired]

I am very envious of you, wish I had a normal supportive family like you did, I would have loved them immensely.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Privelage, blessings and no abuse aside - did you feel your emotional needs met?

Being clingy would suggest something going on with your attachment style. Remember, it's not about blame though, as parents do the best they can:

Key Aspects of a Child's Fundamental Needs

Attachment Over Authenticity: Children must have connection to survive, often at the cost of abandoning their true selves.

Unconditional Acceptance: The need to be loved for who they are, not what they do, produce, or achieve.

Freedom of Emotion: Children need to experience and express all their emotions (including anger and sadness) without fear of losing connection.

Secure Attachment & Presence: Parents need to be emotionally available, present, and calm, acting as a "home base".

Rest and Play: Freedom to play, particularly in nature, is crucial for healthy brain and emotional development.


Parental Approach to Fostering These Needs:

"Connect Before You Correct": Prioritize the relationship over behavior modification.

Validate Feelings: Create space for big emotions without shaming or repression.

Model Authenticity: Parents must do their own self-work to be present and avoid acting out their own trauma.

Set Firm, Compassionate Limits: Boundaries should be held with kindness, not with withdrawal of love or affection.

Repair After Conflict: Actively repair ruptures in connection, acknowledging when you miss the mark.

Ed

 

[Forest Cat]

We often don't know what we have until it is gone. That's a very hard lesson to learn.

Remember that those people fed you and wiped your butt and put up with you when you were difficult and kept you safe. The absolute least you can do is show some appreciation for what they did. If you don't feel love, say you love them anyway, for their sake. Not for yours. You feel uncomfortable giving them gifts? So what, give them gifts. It will make them happy, that should be worth a little discomfort.

Your dad tried to spend time with you and you say you felt icky. How about your dad, how did he feel? Have you thought about that or is it all about you?

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Sometimes it is hard to know how we feel.
I don’t particularly love my parents, who are both deceased now. Relationships are difficult for many of us. This can make us uncomfortable.

I sense you feel guilty about not loving your parents. The first thing is to let go of the guilt. Then work on learning some relationship skills.

When I was working, I had to deal with people some of whom were pretty unlikable. But I still had to use my nursing skills and treat every one with care and respect.

I think you could learn to do that with your parents.

 

[AprilR]

It is hard for me to be sure that i love my parents. Especially since they don't trust me or depend on me.

But the truth is they took care of me growing up and were always trying to be compassionate and patient with me. Even though they don't respect me or see me as an individual human, it is still a type of love they feel for me. So i feel like i should care and be good to them in return. It is only fair.