I feel like I don't care about people

[Qoyote]

This is a rant and it bounces around a lot, be prepared. Maybe no one else will care, but I needed to get this out.

Title's not completely true. I think I care about my parents and my sister, but that's about it.

Unlike a lot of aspies, I have no problem lying. I'm bad at it, but I'll say anything I think I can get away with if it makes me look better, and I never feel bad about it. I can admit my faults to myself, but I hate, hate, hate when anyone else points them out, so l lie my way out of that too.

I forget about my friends sometimes. I flat-out forgot to talk to my first girlfriend for two weeks after the first date, with predictable results. I don't like spending time with my mom, even though I know she loves me and just wants to be with me. I'm sexually attracted to women, but I'm not sure I could love one, and I could love a man but I don't think I'm sexually attracted to them.

I volunteer at the Humane Society, and people think I'm a good person when I say that, but I only do it so the dogs can love on me. I love them back and tell them how good they are, but if they aren't into me I get angry. Not out loud, but in my head I'm mad they won't validate me. I know it's bad to want people to keep breeding inbred breeds, but I do. I hold my dog for hours, but I hate training him.

I internally judge people based on their looks. The rush from it honestly helps me get through long days.

If there were no consequences, I would seriously hurt anyone who annoyed me or thought they were better than me, even if they had good reasons for doing so, like catching me in a lie. That's the part that worries me the most. When I was younger I hurt other kids three times, and even though I know they didn't deserve it, I don't regret it either. I've learned not to talk about it to other people, because even just a little bit of what's on my mind freaks my family out, but I want to hurt people at least once a day. I'm worried someday I'll try to hurt the wrong person and they'll just humiliate me. I think about that a lot.

In related news, I'm also mad I can't destroy anything. I think that comes from too many comics where anyone who's anyone can destroy, say, rocks, furniture, walls, what have you, and then I try to punch something and it just hurts my knuckles. It feels wrong.

I know I should change and that some of this is kinda pathetic, but I just don't care enough to and I hate thinking about how much work it would be.

Before you ask, my family situation is... almost perfect, actually. Supportive parents, amazing sister, enough money, good friends, no bullies, the works. The only med I'm on is Prozac, and that doesn't do a darn thing but make me sleepy. Apparently I hide all of this so well no one suspects, because though I'm not "popular", most people seem to like me, and people who don't just think I'm weird, not creepy or an asshole.

Is any of this normal for aspies? Have you dealt with this before, and if so what did you do about it?

EDIT: I don't want to hurt animals, I didn't make that clear before.

 

[Wolfnox]

Some of it. My faith in God and the Bible helped me threw it. The Bible holds answers that help. The hows and whys. The reason you should or shouldn't. It was my guide threw those things.

 

[Phlogiston101]

I used to not care about people in the past I would think of them mostly as just talking animals, most not too intelligent and quite boring. I used to see people at work meet each other, and one would say something that to me seemed dumb, and they both would laugh together. I would think how stupid are these guy. I've been doing a lot of reading on social communications etc. and realize it's not that dumb really. Apparently group laughter is a method of bonding. I'm still processing a lot of this, but I don't see people the same way I used to. There are many different kiinds of intelligence's beyond just simple IQ intelligence. That's something I never knew before. I don't think I can relate to the sense of wanting to destroy things so much. But after high school I definitely had a lot of internal anger. I think that's part of why I joined the Army back then. For me finding an outlet for anger, or even anxiety helps. I like to lift weights, ride mountain bikes, and hard physical exercise in general helps. Also reading about social communications, and how people percieve the world around them, and others in it has helped me a lot.

 

[Misery]

Unlike a lot of aspies, I have no problem lying. I'm bad at it, but I'll say anything I think I can get away with if it makes me look better, and I never feel bad about it. I can admit my faults to myself, but I hate, hate, hate when anyone else points them out, so l lie my way out of that too.

Eh, you're not alone on this one. It might be a rare trait, but there are those that do have it. I can get anyone to believe anything, if I see a reason to do so. I realize I'm very manipulative alot of the time, but... I dunno. It's just my nature. We all have our flaws. It's important to realize that, and accept it. Work on those flaws if you can, but yeah, everyone has something.

I forget about my friends sometimes.

Oh yeah, I do this alot. I hate it, but I do it. I can go for very long periods of time without talking to people I know. Wish I could change that fact, but.... it is what it is, I guess. I kinda suspect that this particular trait is more common than you might expect.

I volunteer at the Humane Society, and people think I'm a good person when I say that, but I only do it so the dogs can love on me. I love them back and tell them how good they are, but if they aren't into me I get angry. Not out loud, but in my head I'm mad they won't validate me. ....... I hold my dog for hours, but I hate training him.

Honestly I think alot of animal lovers are like this (to a point anyway). If the dogs love you, and you love them back.... that's the important part, with something like this.

If there were no consequences, I would seriously hurt anyone who annoyed me or thought they were better than me, even if they had good reasons for doing so, like catching me in a lie. That's the part that worries me the most. When I was younger I hurt other kids three times, and even though I know they didn't deserve it, I don't regret it either. I've learned not to talk about it to other people, because even just a little bit of what's on my mind freaks my family out, but I want to hurt people at least once a day. I'm worried someday I'll try to hurt the wrong person and they'll just humiliate me. I think about that a lot.

Not uncommon, this stuff. It's easy to get frustrated with people, and sometimes you just wanna smack someone. I find myself frequently thinking that. So many people out there that need a good boot to the head. The important thing though is that you arent actually doing it.



Seriously, dont feel too bad about yourself for this stuff. We all have issues similar to this kind of thing... whether we admit it to ourselves or not.

 

[Aspychata]

I don't owe anybody a explanation of why l am not interested in knowing you or being your friend. I tend to be annoyed by pushy men or woman. However l don't judge myself for not being social animal because l don't care.
I don't believe in harming other people. I believe l need to be and act in a socially correct way and that means not manipulating people. Yes, l can do but l chose not to do it.
Guess you need to look at your moral code and decide if you wish to improve on this. You can make better choices because it's a healthier way to live your life even if you have no feelings one way or the other.
I chose take the moral path in life. I chose not to harm small animals because they need our protection not anger.

 

[Fino]

I didn't find anything you said alarming, but this is why it's useful to talk to people about these sorts of things. You'd be amazed at how many times people will say "me too" to the things you say.

Another important thing is to let thoughts be thoughts. They're not crimes. Bad thoughts don't make you a bad person because thoughts don't make you who you are.

 

[onlything]

It's fine as long as you don't act on the worst thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts. Everyone curses other people from time to time.

I lie a lot too. It's easy. A coping mechanism mostly, but sometimes I do it also because it can be amusing to create a story and see people believe in it. Not too often but at times.

I love animals too. They're sweet and honest and hurt you only when they're scared, sick or hungry, never out of malice. However, I don't like people in general. Sometimes I don't like my family either. I love them but at times I won't even feel that love. I'll forget about people for months or just ignore their messages because I don't feel like talking to them or seeing them. I'll distance myself if I see them getting either too uncaring or too clingy too.

And no, I don't care about people I have little to do with. Very few do. If someone tells you they care about some stranger that died or got hurt on the other side of the globe, they're most likely lying. This kind of grief is short-lived and artificial, more based on guilt, expectations and fear than real care. I'll assure you no one will remember about the poor guy in a few days outside of a little curio, like 'Oh, remember that guy that fell down a cliff some months ago?'. Really, people are literally laughing at the coronavirus outbreak in China behind the pitying stares. Just look through the internet or listen to people on the streets. Tragic? Sad? Cruel? Yes. It is. That's humanity for you. Not caring is easy and we tend to take the easy way out whenever we can.

All these are things I'm still working on and probably will for the rest of my life but that's okay. I'm human, nothing more, nothing less.

Everyone has faults. We can work on them and we can work on our relationships with other people and you know what? Perfection doesn't exist, so no one is perfect nor no one ever will. Surprising, huh?

I hope you didn't expect someone saying 'Oh no, you're such an awful person!' because I doubt someone will. You're being honest. If all of us just start writing out all of our flaws, suddenly we can all be easily seen as awful people - but that's not true. What is - is that people are simply flawed.

In the end, with effort, we can all get better, become better people. Some try with things such as CBT, some follow a religion, others Franklin's 13 Virtues Theory or similar tactics. The point in case: people are trying and sometimes that's enough.

Trying and working to get that little bit better every day is enough.

 

[Raggamuffin]

A lot of what the OP has written I can relate to myself. I can get so caught up in my own world that exchanges with others has to be on my terms, or not at all.

If the med isn't working, perhaps you might want to try another if you feel it would benefit you?

Ed

 

[Bolletje]

I don’t forget about people, I just choose not to communicate for them for long periods of time because I often feel like being alone.

I care about people, but I’m very good at lying and manipulating and I regularly do so to make them leave me alone.

I mask as a pleasant, polite and fairly shy person when I venture outside because this means I blend in and don’t get a lot of attention. However, I have a lot of anger and frustration in me. A lot of it is because of the hurdles in my path due to my autism, my anxiety and my bipolar disorder. I feel hatred for people getting the jobs I want and am intellectually more than capable of, but can’t have because of my handicaps.

I am kind, loving and caring, but I regularly wish people I know would die because it would save me the hassle of dealing with their existence and them achieving things I can’t have.

I would love to not have these angry and hateful feelings, but it helps to talk about it because it helps me deal with my pain.

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

I used to not care about people in the past I would think of them mostly as just talking animals, most not too intelligent and quite boring. I used to see people at work meet each other, and one would say something that to me seemed dumb, and they both would laugh together. I would think how stupid are these guy. I've been doing a lot of reading on social communications etc. and realize it's not that dumb really. Apparently group laughter is a method of bonding. I'm still processing a lot of this, but I don't see people the same way I used to. There are many different kiinds of intelligence's beyond just simple IQ intelligence. That's something I never knew before. I don't think I can relate to the sense of wanting to destroy things so much. But after high school I definitely had a lot of internal anger. I think that's part of why I joined the Army back then. For me finding an outlet for anger, or even anxiety helps. I like to lift weights, ride mountain bikes, and hard physical exercise in general helps. Also reading about social communications, and how people percieve the world around them, and others in it has helped me a lot.

Some people are really good at laughing at things other people say, even if it isn't really funny. They're just trying really hard to be liked, by laughing at something someone says. I work with a lady who laughs at things I say and I know I'm at the best just being amusing, but for some reason she's trying hard to fit in with me.

 

[Mindf'Elle'ness]

This is a rant and it bounces around a lot, be prepared. Maybe no one else will care, but I needed to get this out.

Title's not completely true. I think I care about my parents and my sister, but that's about it.

Unlike a lot of aspies, I have no problem lying. I'm bad at it, but I'll say anything I think I can get away with if it makes me look better, and I never feel bad about it. I can admit my faults to myself, but I hate, hate, hate when anyone else points them out, so l lie my way out of that too.

I forget about my friends sometimes. I flat-out forgot to talk to my first girlfriend for two weeks after the first date, with predictable results. I don't like spending time with my mom, even though I know she loves me and just wants to be with me. I'm sexually attracted to women, but I'm not sure I could love one, and I could love a man but I don't think I'm sexually attracted to them.

I volunteer at the Humane Society, and people think I'm a good person when I say that, but I only do it so the dogs can love on me. I love them back and tell them how good they are, but if they aren't into me I get angry. Not out loud, but in my head I'm mad they won't validate me. I know it's bad to want people to keep breeding inbred breeds, but I do. I hold my dog for hours, but I hate training him.

I internally judge people based on their looks. The rush from it honestly helps me get through long days.

If there were no consequences, I would seriously hurt anyone who annoyed me or thought they were better than me, even if they had good reasons for doing so, like catching me in a lie. That's the part that worries me the most. When I was younger I hurt other kids three times, and even though I know they didn't deserve it, I don't regret it either. I've learned not to talk about it to other people, because even just a little bit of what's on my mind freaks my family out, but I want to hurt people at least once a day. I'm worried someday I'll try to hurt the wrong person and they'll just humiliate me. I think about that a lot.

In related news, I'm also mad I can't destroy anything. I think that comes from too many comics where anyone who's anyone can destroy, say, rocks, furniture, walls, what have you, and then I try to punch something and it just hurts my knuckles. It feels wrong.

I know I should change and that some of this is kinda pathetic, but I just don't care enough to and I hate thinking about how much work it would be.

Before you ask, my family situation is... almost perfect, actually. Supportive parents, amazing sister, enough money, good friends, no bullies, the works. The only med I'm on is Prozac, and that doesn't do a darn thing but make me sleepy. Apparently I hide all of this so well no one suspects, because though I'm not "popular", most people seem to like me, and people who don't just think I'm weird, not creepy or an asshole.

Is any of this normal for aspies? Have you dealt with this before, and if so what did you do about it?

EDIT: I don't want to hurt animals, I didn't make that clear before.

Hmmm, I'm in my 50's and I also internally judge people based on their looks. It's bred into us by people around us that are superficial, I think I blame my mother who is really shallow and judgy.
I think your anger may be from a huge amount of frustration, maybe expectations not being met by you or those around you. Maybe you're bored.
The important thing is that you ARE good at self-restraint. You know where to draw the line, because you understand that there is a huge difference between our thoughts and our actions. Did you know that our thoughts don't define us? Thoughts come and go all our lives - should we believe each and every one of them?