I don’t want to contact with former colleagues

[Aspychata]

Not really strange to want to go home right after work when you have a two and a half hour trip to get home. I think most people would understand that. And nothing wrong with being eccentric. Or weird. You're not bothering anyone.

And soon the owls will take over anyway and we won't have to think about work or getting along with work colleagues, only pleasing our owl overlords. Have a nice weekend

View attachment 89546

Owl-righty then.

 

[Owliet]

Thank you so much for the advice and support. It is very reassuring that I am not being difficult.=)

 

[MildredHubble]

There's not many past work colleagues I would consider contacting. Particularly not if they have made no effort to contact me.

I've lost touch with some work colleagues that I would be happy to see again, but owing to issues keeping in touch, which is partially my fault for not remembering to backup my contacts when I wiped my phone, I haven't kept in touch.

If I bump into people and they are pleasant enough, I will reciprocate.

However there are a bunch that I'm happy to never see. They helped contribute to the most toxic work environment I have ever been in. They were also rather intrusive, insisting I add them to social media that I didn't have and they wouldn't accept I didn't have social media. Then also insisting I socialise with them after work, then behaving like a bunch of toddlers when I said "no". One occasion I was told that "we are going for lunch at [Expensive Restaurant]" I declined as it cost more than my weeks lunch budget. I was then basically interrogated as to where my money had gone since I had been "paid last week". It was like a overbearing parent demanding to know how a child had spent their pocket money.

I dunno, I guess I'm one of the few people these days that doesn't consider themselves as the property of the company. I also value my alone time rather highly.

I think it was Coco Chanel (not sure I've spelled that right) who said "Never posses something which you find neither beautiful or useful." I have a similar policy on ex work colleagues!

 

[Owliet]

There's not many past work colleagues I would consider contacting. Particularly not if they have made no effort to contact me.

I've lost touch with some work colleagues that I would be happy to see again, but owing to issues keeping in touch, which is partially my fault for not remembering to backup my contacts when I wiped my phone, I haven't kept in touch.

If I bump into people and they are pleasant enough, I will reciprocate.

However there are a bunch that I'm happy to never see. They helped contribute to the most toxic work environment I have ever been in. They were also rather intrusive, insisting I add them to social media that I didn't have and they wouldn't accept I didn't have social media. Then also insisting I socialise with them after work, then behaving like a bunch of toddlers when I said "no". One occasion I was told that "we are going for lunch at [Expensive Restaurant]" I declined as it cost more than my weeks lunch budget. I was then basically interrogated as to where my money had gone since I had been "paid last week". It was like a overbearing parent demanding to know how a child had spent their pocket money.

I dunno, I guess I'm one of the few people these days that doesn't consider themselves as the property of the company. I also value my alone time rather highly.

I think it was Coco Chanel (not sure I've spelled that right) who said "Never posses something which you find neither beautiful or useful." I have a similar policy on ex work colleagues!

I have come to this conclusion. I think it is reassuring to know that it is not abnormal to not want to connect with former colleagues. =)

 

[MildredHubble]

I have come to this conclusion. I think it is reassuring to know that it is not abnormal to not want to connect with former colleagues. =)

I think it's very normal not to want to connect with them. Trying to maintain contact with people you don't really feel a desire to be around sounds like a waste of your energy!

I don't know why but some people seem to like to collect "friends" the same way I like to collect vintage electronics. They say things like "how can you be happy you only have a handful of friends?!". I feel like saying "How can you be happy? You don't have 4 ZX Spectrums?".

Also, trying to maintain "friendships" when neither party has their heart truly in it can just reinforce problems with your self esteem.

I guess I have given up on trying to explain to people, I'm happy as I am with the number of people I have friendships with. Being told things like "you should make more friends, it's good for you" is like suggesting someone with hyperglycaemia should eat more cake. It's not that they dislike cake, it's just that it won't do much good.

 

[Owliet]

I think it's very normal not to want to connect with them. Trying to maintain contact with people you don't really feel a desire to be around sounds like a waste of your energy!

I don't know why but some people seem to like to collect "friends" the same way I like to collect vintage electronics. They say things like "how can you be happy you only have a handful of friends?!". I feel like saying "How can you be happy? You don't have 4 ZX Spectrums?".

Also, trying to maintain "friendships" when neither party has their heart truly in it can just reinforce problems with your self esteem.

I guess I have given up on trying to explain to people, I'm happy as I am with the number of people I have friendships with. Being told things like "you should make more friends, it's good for you" is like suggesting someone with hyperglycaemia should eat more cake. It's not that they dislike cake, it's just that it won't do much good.

Yes, after not hearing from them for a month, I was wondering if it was merely out of politeness to offer to stay in contact — which i think it is but whilst it could be argued that i should connect with them (which I think that’s what it is), they aren’t friends and i may not see them again. I dont like surface level friendships because its is too insincere. But you are correct, I dont get those who have to collect friends either — made worse by followers on social media.

Maintaining relationships with people is very stressful, not impossible but I do find that i am often left uncertain if people actually want to be my friend…

 

[MildredHubble]

Yes, after not hearing from them for a month, I was wondering if it was merely out of politeness to offer to stay in contact — which i think it is but whilst it could be argued that i should connect with them (which I think that’s what it is), they aren’t friends and i may not see them again. I dont like surface level friendships because its is too insincere. But you are correct, I dont get those who have to collect friends either — made worse by followers on social media.

Maintaining relationships with people is very stressful, not impossible but I do find that i am often left uncertain if people actually want to be my friend…

I think you are being very reasonable about it all to be honest. It seems you've thought well enough about it and you judge the situation with your old work colleagues as being something that is fine as it is.

Regardless of whether you have ASD or not, I think it's up to everyone individually to decide which relationships they want to be involved in and how many.

I don't like surface level friendships either. It just feels like a silly game. That may be the way some people like to spend their time but not me.

I think friendships are a bit like staying hydrated, you know when you are at the optimum level, regardless of how many times you get told to chug water like a fish all day!

 

[Owliet]

I think you are being very reasonable about it all to be honest. It seems you've thought well enough about it and you judge the situation with your old work colleagues as being something that is fine as it is.

Regardless of whether you have ASD or not, I think it's up to everyone individually to decide which relationships they want to be involved in and how many.

I don't like surface level friendships either. It just feels like a silly game. That may be the way some people like to spend their time but not me.

I think friendships are a bit like staying hydrated, you know when you are at the optimum level, regardless of how many times you get told to chug water like a fish all day!

Thank you, that’s really nice of you to say.=)

Yes, and with the colleagues I had, it did feel very much like a game Which now realizing it, it is probably a good idea that I just stay out of it.

 

[MildredHubble]

Thank you, that’s really nice of you to say.=)

Yes, and with the colleagues I had, it did feel very much like a game Which now realizing it, it is probably a good idea that I just stay out of it.

I think that's probably best, if it feels right to you. You are best placed to make the judgment. Follow your gut instincts!

 

[paloftoon]

I recommend to create a LinkedIn account if you don't have one. Re-direct colleagues who might give you a reference to add you on there. Make sure to add them back within a reasonable time frame. Other than professional contact for references or potential job opportunities, no need to contact them or for them to contact you.

The small possibility their social circle runs into yours, then you can deal with that if that happens. If they are no longer working with you, it's okay to consider building friendship with so and so.

If that doesn't happen by chance, then you don't really need to keep in contact with colleagues outside of that.

It's okay to create your own social boundaries and to tell co-workers 1-1 that you want to keep personal life and professional life separate.

 

[paloftoon]

I would like to add that you should be open to be a reference for others too- especially if they're willing to be a reference for you. It's okay and a great idea to be open to that. Other than that, you don't have to make any other professional obligations or any personally social obligations.