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I don't know whether I want to hug or strangle my childhood self

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by jleeb05, Jul 26, 2021.

  1. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes! This is exactly what I mean. In my case there was actual physical neglect, and my brother was truly an abusive bully, but I can see how I might interpret ordinary things negatively too.
    My mothet always seems so dismissive of me as a person, like my accomplishents, experience and opinions don't matter. But what if her motives, tone, and words are benign and I just misinterpret them?
     
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  2. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member

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    Exactly. I developed negativity to keep myself from hurt and rejection and now recognize the bias that walled me away from connection. Very damaging during those years critical for social development.
     
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  3. jleeb05

    jleeb05 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    While I'm sure autism is mostly, if not entirely, biological there seems to be a common theme of not having one's needs met as a child, especially by parents. For the most part, I feel that my Mom did a great job and we still talk every day on the phone. But growing up, I still had the experience of feeling misunderstood and not fully supported by her.

    As I've done my research into ASD, my Mom and I have both realized that there are signs that she may also be on the spectrum. I wonder how this might have impacted her parenting style. On the other hand, I wonder how my autism might have influenced my perception of her. I clearly wanted a fighter/protector. Someone who would make the world feel safe but that was not her.
     
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