How well do you understand the mental states of others (theory of mind)?

[Jacki Cucinotta]

Don't know if there is already a thread on this forum similar to the topic posed here, but here goes:

How well do you display theory of mind? Which mental states of others do you understand easily, and which ones do you seem to have difficulty understanding? Just thought I would introduce a new topic to the forum (at least I think this topic hasn't been discussed recently, but correct me if I'm wrong).

 

[King_Oni]

For me personally, that is really, really limited. And always was. I really need people to be totally blunt and clear with me, no matter how painful their wishes/thoughts or whatever they want need to be.

I found that everytime I went to assume I understood someone meant it, I was totally not spot on. That in effect caused some troubles in the past, but understanding I need those blunt directions at least makes sure I can give people a heads up so they don't end up thinking I'm trying to hurt or upset them deliberatly.

Quite often I don't really put a lot of thought in it, and just casually ask "what's wrong?" (though that sometimes comes across as annoying when I think something is wrong and a person is totally fine). Perhaps it's also how I was raised. My parents were quite explicit in expressing themselves so it wasns't really left open for suggestion (and to my information that had nothing to do with autism, they're just open and explicit like that).

But perhaps I don't understand the entire theory of mind thing perfectly.

However; there's one person that I do have some understanding of how she feels, but that's a really weird case if you ask me. My girlfriend and I... that sometimes feels like we share a single mind up to really creepy proportions. With her less than with others I don't have to ask her anything but I'm totally fine with assuming things. But then again, I tend to finish her sentences, interject her train of thought to what she is about to tell me (up to the point of events where she physically was and I wasn't) and pretty much it happens that she ends up texting me whenever I pick up my phone to text her (as in I'm writing a text and I get a text of hers). Oh... and she lives 100 miles from my place. I should really try stuff... let her pick out cards and see if I can guess what card she had, lol

 

[Soup]

Gimme a list. Make it clear. Make it in point form. Do not expect me to play 'Mme.Blavatsky' & guess what you're thinking. NTs even suck at this when they see a facial expression devoid of a context. That is why people got into Ted Bundy's car & went partying with Jeff Dahmer. There was no 'looking them in the eye' &seeing their decidedly nefarious intentions.Body language, not facial expressions, broadcasts what's happening to us

 

[Ylva]

NTs are far from perfect in this area either, I agree with that.

I have read books and had it explained to me, so I "understand" facial expressions in roughly the same way I understand recently learned foreign words: I'll still often misunderstand, but at least I can take a guess. Nuanced expressions confuse me to no end.

It's as though words just make too much sense as a communication method. I know I should be able to read body language as a block of text, so to speak, but so far I don't know enough to do so. (Actual text is so much more comfortable anyway.) I often practice on actors, whose job consists of communicating clearly with their bodies.

Maybe verbal language was first invented by prehistoric Aspies.

 

[Soup]

Even if the facial expression is obvious, there's always the issue of sincerity. Many people can fake whatever emotion they have to in order to get what they want. A smile can mean anything from, "I'm happy" to "Now I've GOT you" to "You are such an idiot, you make me laugh"... these expressions do not come with certificates of authenticity.
Crying is deceptive too: some people can turn this on & off like a switch. Some cry when they're happy, cry when they're sad & cry when they're frustrated or tired. Go figure what you're looking at?!? Save yourself the aggravation & don't freakin' look! Eye contact triggers the dreaded BLAB REFLEX in some of them. Be warned! If they're crying & you look, they may *GASP*Grab onto you, lean o your shoulder & bawl thereby getting tears & BOOGERS onto your prized semi-formal hoodie!

 

[silent ABAB]

Well that last part was quite descriptive and disgusting. Nonetheless helpful though.

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

Even if the facial expression is obvious, there's always the issue of sincerity. Many people can fake whatever emotion they have to in order to get what they want. A smile can mean anything from, "I'm happy" to "Now I've GOT you" to "You are such an idiot, you make me laugh"... these expressions do not come with certificates of authenticity.
Crying is deceptive too: some people can turn this on & off like a switch. Some cry when they're happy, cry when they're sad & cry when they're frustrated or tired. Go figure what you're looking at?!? Save yourself the aggravation & don't freakin' look! Eye contact triggers the dreaded BLAB REFLEX in some of them. Be warned! If they're crying & you look, they may *GASP*Grab onto you, lean o your shoulder & bawl thereby getting tears & BOOGERS onto your prized semi-formal hoodie!

Exactly Soup. That kind of deception just makes theory of mind that much harder. From what I've read, I highly doubt that theory of mind tests try to examine the fact that people cry for many more reasons other than for being sad. How about allergies? Don't some people tear up if they're exposed to ragweed or other allergens? That's more of a response from the body rather than from an emotion. The bottom line is that I completely agree with you that many facial expressions can carry out multiple meanings, even if they aren't conveying what they are really feeling.

 

[Arashi222]

For me I need things to be clear I prefer them written down. I prefer to know things in advance. One thing is I am also visually impaired so trying to figure out people's facial expressions is hard. I can do ok with people I know. Its the Strangers that I have a hard time with tellign if they are joking being serious, being an ass or whatever.

I am sure it was meant to be kinda funny. But I am one that cries when I am in meltdown mode or super super sad. I don't see what eye contact has to do with someone grabbing you and crying on their shoulder. I personally most people I know don't want you to touch them if they are upset. Me included unless it is a certain person.

 

[Ylva]

Even if the facial expression is obvious, there's always the issue of sincerity. Many people can fake whatever emotion they have to in order to get what they want. A smile can mean anything from, "I'm happy" to "Now I've GOT you" to "You are such an idiot, you make me laugh"... these expressions do not come with certificates of authenticity.

Okay, agreed. These things can be faked, and often are. Maybe that's the reason we aquire the habit of not relying on them? But then, at least for me, there is the question of how I came to rely on words…