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How to get used to being alone???

C

carlo

Well-Known Member
OKAY, I've been feeling lonely ever since. I just graduated from high school and I'm in college now. I don't have any friends and I am depressed of being alone. I get jealous to other people when I see them with their friends hanging out. I feel suicidal and feeling that there's no hope.

I just want to forget my high school best friend. We've not seen each other for months and I really miss him. But he don't feel the same. Because I'm the only one who treats him like best friend because he's the only friend I've got and he has a lot of friends. Every time I ask him to go out, he just ignore me.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, and why the f*** I feel like this? Aren't we suppose to have no feelings? This is just depressing me.
 
Find hobbies?

I don't have a lot of friends, nor did I ever, so I ended up having more hobbies and doing more solitairy activities.

No, it's not for everyone. Some aspies just want to be social above anything else. And that adds to frustration. But it's, in my opinion, a bit of a social indoctrination that everyone needs to be social all the time and have friends.

But yeah, hobbies? Any interests you can get more out of?
 
Aw, I'm so sorry for you. I know how you feel. That's how I felt throughout high school and... I still feel that way kind of! See, I've had only a handful of friends and now I have even less. Everyone's just starting to ignore me and they just aren't right for me. Even when I email them sometimes they don't even reply. It's like "Geez, do you still want to be friends or what?" I really only have one real friend, but she's pretty darn shy. She seems to get by just fine though, I've been thinking about trying to change my image for senior year. I'm going to not talk as much so I don't monologue and annoy everyone, because I think that's what the problem is. I have felt suicidal before in elementary school (4th grade to be exact), I was bullied physically and verbally day after day, and I had nobody to rely on. Only the very weird people would just follow me around and pretend they were my friends but they really weren't. A very nightmarish time in my life, I've gotten a bit better now but I still get that feeling now and then.

I don't think us Aspies have no feelings... contrary to popular belief, I think we've got even MORE sensitive feelings than most people! I think just because we appear to be apathetic to small, trivial things (at least I do) and sometimes we just fail to EXPRESS our feelings in the proper way, it gives off the impression that we don't care about or feel anything, and that's just dumb. We are still very prone to depression and things like that. What you're feeling is normal, because I've felt the same. Like what King_Oni suggested, I'd recommend finding a hobby or interest. Also, I'd like to add, now that you're in college, just give it some time and you will find someone with similar interests or maybe another Aspie who's lonely like you! I'm not in college yet, but I went to a Summer Program at the college I am officially attending and I found tons of very friendly, open-minded, similar people. I got a glimpse of it, and now I'm really looking forward to college. Just wait, give it time, and hope for the best. In the meantime, find something to do that'll make you happy. You can get through this, and we're all here for you if you need help!
 
I'm sorry about your friend, probably it's better not to contact him again to remind yourself about the issue. Try not to blame yourself on how you feel, it's natural to feel sad and lonely. It's not said to last forever, new friends can come and go. But because one could end up spending time alone in an instant any time, it's important to enjoy time how it ever is spent.

This hobby idea is really good. Even if it's something to do home by oneself, there still probably will be lots of people to talk about it in stores or somewhere in the net, so it could serve many purposes.
You could also go and buy a big ice cream or something other good, and enjoy it without a hurry, read a magazine in some nice place, alone - and I can assure that some people might envy a little that they could do what you do. Focusing on lone self can be too burdening, but searching for interesting things that people do or how trees move around you can also give lots to do and focus one's energies on. It doesn't need to be creepy stalky staring, but I can tell that people do pretty interesting things while they think none is watching, or they are busy. It can be entertaining, and it could remind about the fact, that we don't have to do same things as others do.
 
carlo said:
OKAY, I've been feeling lonely ever since. I just graduated from high school and I'm in college now. I don't have any friends and I am depressed of being alone. I get jealous to other people when I see them with their friends hanging out. I feel suicidal and feeling that there's no hope.

I just want to forget my high school best friend. We've not seen each other for months and I really miss him. But he don't feel the same. Because I'm the only one who treats him like best friend because he's the only friend I've got and he has a lot of friends. Every time I ask him to go out, he just ignore me.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, and why the f*** I feel like this? Aren't we suppose to have no feelings? This is just depressing me.
Click to expand...
Actually, some Aspies have very very strong feelings. It is true that there are some others who have little feeling. We tend to take things to an extreme, either feeling nothing, or feeling a lot. These three videos each discuss a different aspect of this. "Ask Dr. Tony" October 2011 - Catastrophizing emotions, Discovering your Asperger's later in life - YouTube
"Ask Dr. Tony" July 2011 - AS and feelings - YouTube
"Ask Dr. Tony" October 2011 - Sensory Issues, Special vs Intimate Friends and "Intellectual Orgasms" - YouTube :)
 
Ste11aeres said:
Actually, some Aspies have very very strong feelings. It is true that there are some others who have little feeling. We tend to take things to an extreme, either feeling nothing, or feeling a lot. These three videos each discuss a different aspect of this. "Ask Dr. Tony" October 2011 - Catastrophizing emotions, Discovering your Asperger's later in life - YouTube
"Ask Dr. Tony" July 2011 - AS and feelings - YouTube
"Ask Dr. Tony" October 2011 - Sensory Issues, Special vs Intimate Friends and "Intellectual Orgasms" - YouTube :)
Click to expand...

Can someone please tell me in a few words what do they say in the second video?

The audio is not really good and I'm not native English speaker so I didn't get it...
 
Wise words from Galaxy Freeze. We have the same or more feelings, but fail to show them.
I do not believe we ever get used to being alone. We do grow tired of false relationships and problems associated with them, and so being alone becomes easier and more comfortable in time.
Do Not Despair my friend. It is vital to remember that "No Matter How Dark The Night, The Sun Always Comes Back The Next Day". It is worth waiting out the bad times. Because our feelings are greater, or because we suffer more, the good times are that much better, and yours will come.
 
When I first had social issues, I thought I wanted to be more of a loner, but that's definitely not me. There are definitely times I like to be lonely, but I always want to know that I can count on people that I am around. LIke I don't want to be that person that reaches out so much that I look desperate, but I don't want to coop myself so much that I don't know what's going on in our world or how to get help at all. I would not consider myself entirely self-sufficient either, especially not socially. There are times you want to compromise, times you want to stand up for yourself, and times where you want to just chill with the person/people you're with. Keep in mind that any (potential) friends or "friends" or acquaintances that you have or run in to may only want to do certain things with you, may only hang with certain people because they live in the same area or same interests, etc. If you do not like to totally be a loner, which I think would be most people actually, then just remember that you will want to try to get out at least once in awhile. Doing it too often if you're not ready or don't have the time could be unnecessarily too stressful.

Instead, look for groups and conventions that suit your interests possibly more where you can fit in. Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup is a great website for casual, non-competitive groups. If you're looking for competition with a specific interest, you have to do more research to look for something more specific to that arena. Maybe you can find friends this way too.

If you bump into someone on an online forum like this one in your area, if both of you happen to live near each other and are willing to meet in a public place, you may want to take that kind of risk. Just some things to think about. . .
 
Do you talk to yourself?

I talk to myself regularly, never giving myself a moments peace, sometimes I really miss those lonely days when I didn't talk to myself.
 
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