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How to deal with loneliness

pineman93

Well-Known Member
Do you have any friends who are also on the spectrum? Personally, I never felt lonelier than before I understood my autism, when I was still trying to fit into a neurotypical world with neurotypical friends. These days I seek only other autistics/neurodivergents and although the quantity of friends I have today is much lower than ever before in my life, the quality of my relationships with the friends I do have is so much higher because there's so much more understanding/authenticity/depth. I'm much happier in general and feel less lost, like I understand and value myself more.

It is hard to meet new people though, I still struggle with that. It can be difficult to find other autistic people in real life. I wish there were more in-person groups or networks or something.

Anyway, you may be happy with the friends you already have. I know how much loneliness sucks so I sympathise. I hope you find a way to deal with it that works for you.
Unfortunately no I don’t have any current friends to speak of as of now however I do think making friends with people on the spectrum would be a good idea
 

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I try to engage myself in many groups/activities and engage myself once in awhile with various people. Only more often do I engage myself if they reach out to me.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I did not know how to be social after a lot of isolation! so I started to learn. I joined groups like the Michigan Minerological Society and Sierra Club Outings. They fed my interests and your contribution and capability meant more than social niceties. I felt welcomed and so practiced socializing. That gave me confidence to start dating, then met my future spouse going to a national outing. The whole saga was learning my own agency and maturing socially.
 
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Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I would like to learn how to drive it would give me or ability to help my family out how ever I’m also scared the I am going to hurt someone on accident or break something but I think learn to drive will help my social life also I’m going to bed we can continue this tomorrow if you would like.
Important in the social scene, at least when I was getting into it as a young adult, was the ability to live and function independently. In car-centric cultures driving is an important function. Unlike some who had no qualms about debt, I was so afraid of the cost of leverage that I made do with affordable cars that had no prestige value, but I would not care to impress those who would find that important, anyway. Now, my fun ride is a nimble 2001 Toyota MR2 Spyder that I take out on track days.
 
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pineman93

Well-Known Member
I don’t live independently right now I want to
I am learning about taxes and taxes and stuff like that
 

Georgia Galaxy

Georgie Girl <3
V.I.P Member
I agree with Victor that friendships can take time. And, in my experience, often come from chance. I would add that when we are desperate for friends or partners, this tends to attract the wrong people. Not that knowing this makes loneliness easier to deal with, but it is worth keeping in mind if that's a struggle for you. It was definitely a struggle for me, at certain times.
Aww man, when you said desperate, that's totally been me at times bro :( But I'm still staying strong and honestly, maybe I don't really need anyone right now. I've been mostly very people free. Relationshops are a struggle for everyone, whether family, friends or not <33
 

Georgia Galaxy

Georgie Girl <3
V.I.P Member
You can try to find connections based on your interests, such as finding someone to play video games with
I would love that personally hell yea ^-^ Luckily I have some I can trust already yet there's also ones I don't trust as much as the moment 0-0
 

Georgia Galaxy

Georgie Girl <3
V.I.P Member
Usually I communicate with people on the Internet or watch series and films, also videos on YouTube. I try to meet people somewhere, but I don’t expect too much from it, it’s just a way of leisure.
Same :))) That's why I came here too really
 

grommet

Well-Known Member
That’s true but I would also like to have friends but I’m not sure where to start

My life took a turn when I went for a walk one night after dinner. Everyone one I know now and the girlfriend I had for eight years were because of that night.

I did not feel nice being home that evening (I am having trouble talking right now so my words might be more awkward and simple, please try and understand).

So I went out after dinner time which is something I never did but I felt desperate, I could not be alone with with myself that night. While I was out I met some people with horses who gave carriage rides to tourists. I always like being around horse people. I started talking to them between fares. We kept each other company and they all seemed to like me.

I started going out after dinner in the evenings to not be alone and spend time with them. One night one of them told me about a place near by that used volunteers. I knew I could not work there but I thought I could be a volunteer. If that person had not told me I would never have known and my whole life would not have changed. I would not be on this site now because I did not know what autism was and that is something else that changed.

I started volunteering and one day a visitor came who told me about where I could go sailing. I was sure I never could sail but they kept saying I could. A few months later on another desperate day I was not feeling good I went to the sailing club. They took me out sailing right after I got there. I was very surprised.

I have been with the sailing club for 17 years now. Through the club I met my two best friends, I taught myself how to splice rope, use knots and sail very well. I also learned locksmithing. I make all the running rigging for our sailboats and I built all of our locks we use in the marina.

At the place I volunteered I met and after a year there dated a woman there who said she was autistic. I had never heard that word and did not know at all what it meant. Because I liked her I tried to learn about it so I could be nice to her. Then I realized it was like me, I was autistic. I was tested and diagnosed by a doctor (testing took three months).

Everything but housing is because I went for a walk that night. I do not know if this helps. It may be a strange and long answer and not direct to your question but I meant to explain that all the friends I have now and have had for years, including girlfriends, were from meeting them through common interests.
 

Mr. Stevens

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Aww man, when you said desperate, that's totally been me at times bro :( But I'm still staying strong and honestly, maybe I don't really need anyone right now. I've been mostly very people free. Relationshops are a struggle for everyone, whether family, friends or not <33

I hope you meet the kinds of people you'd like to, in the future. And that this site offers some companionship in the meantime.
 
That’s true but I would also like to have friends but I’m not sure where to start
I'm kind of in the same predicament. I have also developed mild agoraphobia, so as a sort of cognitive behavioral therpy/exposure therpy, I am in the process of getting a menial part-time job. I already work rom home, so my social life has kinda been non-existent for almost a year now...
 
I see I have though about going to social groups as well but transportation could be a problem
It sucks especially if you don't have your own vehicle. I've gone through periods without a car so I completely understand. It's kind of ironic because I absolutely loathe driving. I hate the way it makes me feel, because there's always people that will make you angry, seemingly on purpose mot of the time.

road-rage.jpg
 

Mr. Stevens

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
^ I love that picture! I have a car, but hate driving, too. I could tolerate it more when I was younger, but these days I just have less energy. If I drive far, it's only because the reward is so necessary (like I really need a vacation). Even then, I take quieter routes. Expressways and trucking routes are just a nightmare to me.
 

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