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how to act normal around nonautistic/allistic/normal girls?

apolloidolsice

apolloidolsice

Active Member
i have currently befriended a girl, which is great. but the problem is she's 100% normal. Thin, blonde, pretty, feminine, etc. When I'm with her, I try to wear makeup, talk with a lighter tone (my grandma is race-mixed so i have tons of blood that make me more masculine than females from Sweden), and walk more up straight. Any more tips?
 
I’m pretty sure you won’t like my answer, but I would say do none of those things. Be yourself. You can appreciate someone without trying to change yourself to emulate them.
 
apolloidolsice said:
she's normal though. she'd react if i acted in an autistic manner
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I think of normal differently than you do. To me, I am normal and people that aren’t like me are different.

Are you sure that she would react negatively?

I do understand you, though. I have masked heavily most of my life. It just didn’t go well for me.
 
I have plenty of “normal” female friends. Our personalities, interests, brain chemistry, and moral code are completely different. I don’t mask though, and they still hang out with me.

I always give the same advice about this issue.
Be true to yourself, and the people you’re meant to be friends with will like you. The people you aren’t meant to just won’t, and don’t worry too much about it because you can’t control it and not everyone is meant to like everyone.

I used to get really upset about people not liking me but now I just brush it off and see it as mostly their problem.
 
I wouldn't know. The girls turned into women and it was all I could do to learn how to interact with women who caught my interest. Luckily, the women I was usually interested in were active and I could act like a normal person, and gearhead, if asked, enjoying the outdoors. On one hike with my future spouse, she came across an Eastern Hognose Snake. Was she disgusted? Nope. She watched it go through its warning repertoir and did not flinch when it used a false, closed mouth, strike. I knew then that she was the one for me (and we have many more snake stories).
 
Masking is a specialized type of lie. I cannot contemplate building a friendship when that lie exists as a scrim giving off false information. It will eventually crumble when you least expect - and then what? It can be scary to be who you are without reservation but the bonds forged will have an unshakable foundation. I have found that being honest with people up front heads off any misunderstandings. I do not have a disease that others should fear and my take on the world is as valid as anyone alive or dead.

I hope that you work it out and succeed in forging a lasting friendship.
 
Masking leads to regression because you are not feeding true feelings, you are placing empty cold mask and pretending you don't have needs of your own. Eventually one ends up in emotional ICU and why because of doing what's expected, he expects sex and then everything is ok-dok but we haven't even delved into my needs.

If one doesn't feel accepted within themselves and left wondering if good enough then need to question source is it other people who leave me feeling not good enough? Then maybe time to question those friends and be with people who accept you, flaws and all.
I'm was and am never good enough, I'm not a star lead person, I'm not sports star and socially despite years of learning I just don't flow. So I've just learnt to accept my autistic boundaries and I try focus on my strengths but these people always come knocking like thieves in night whenever they want answers and make me feel bad about hanging around because I'm akward.
 
If you can't act like yourself, who do you act like?

How long can you act like that person before you crumble?

What kind of relationship can you have if you force yourself to act like someone else until you can't do it any longer?

Honestly, to get along financially, you may need to mask. It will, eventually, cause a crash - these "crashes" are horrible, and, potentially, life threatening since the major symptom is a anxiety/depression mix - PTSD.

In your home life, it may be a bad idea to mask. Think carefully about the actual relationship you want, then act accordingly.
 
apolloidolsice said:
she's normal though. she'd react if i acted in an autistic manner
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So, are you looking to "hook up" or are you ready for a long-term, meaningful relationship? If it's the later, she's going to know you're autistic. No amount of masking can be kept up over the long-term.

My advice, and this is coming from someone who is openly autistic, is to just mention off- handedly that you are on the autism spectrum. Now, if she's like most people, she won't have any idea what that means. You don't have to get into it. Seriously, all you have to do is give her some helpful tips on how to communicate with each other. Have a sense of humor about it. People love to be around positive people, so don't get into all the things you struggle with. Focus on being positive about yourself. Focus on her in a positive manner. Use her name in conversation. Make her feel important and respected.
 
My wife is NT I just acted as myself, she likes my quirks I did not figure out I was on the spectrum until we had been married 30 years.
 
apolloidolsice said:
i have currently befriended a girl, which is great. but the problem is she's 100% normal. Thin, blonde, pretty, feminine, etc. When I'm with her, I try to wear makeup, talk with a lighter tone (my grandma is race-mixed so i have tons of blood that make me more masculine than females from Sweden), and walk more up straight. Any more tips?
Click to expand...
My advice is be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are then she's not a friend!! What is normal? In my opinion, there is no such thing lol .
 
i have currently befriended a girl, which is great. but the problem is she's 100% normal. Thin, blonde, pretty, feminine, etc. When I'm with her, I try to wear makeup, talk with a lighter tone (my grandma is race-mixed so i have tons of blood that make me more masculine than females from Sweden), and walk more up straight. Any more tips?
and i KNOW she'd react neg, so please no "love yourself" comments.
 
So what do we define as normal. Does normal equal being the same as the norm. So in other words Average or what most people are? Or is normal being yourself?
There is a very important difference in the two. When you call someone normal you usually mean normal to you. Because something I think is normal, would be very strange to someone from Japan for example. And vice versa.

Always be yourself. If someone is not truthful and not themselves other people will pick up on it. And they will not trust that person in the future. If you have to so heavily change how you act, this person might not be right for you as a friend (or something more?). We all change little things in our behaviour around different people to match the situation. But to change yourself so drastically is not good for you most of the time.

I adjust myself all the time. And behave like I think people expect me to behave. And it is not fun. If you do it for long enough (I've been actively doing it for at least 20 years) it is very hard to stop.
My son is a little different from other kids as well, and I will do everything I can to teach him to stay who he is. As a little example. There was a big event with tons of children, parents, music a couple of days ago. All the children were dancing to the music and enjoying their time. It was a little much for my son. He saw some old leaves on the ground and sat down, inspecting the leaves. Other people were watching. But I did not get him up. Instead I sat down next to him asking him what he saw. And teaching him something about the leaves. We had a really good time together. We were there to enjoy ourselves (it was an event meant for my daughter and my wife, son and I were there to cheer her on) and so we did. Our way.
He is reintroducing me to be myself again in public situations. And I hope to teach him to keep doing so. No matter what other people think. And hopefully he will get to know some people who either do not care or are the same.

Very long post, sorry for that. But I hope it inspires you to stay yourself and not forcefully behave differently because of someone you have met.
 
apolloidolsice said:
i have currently befriended a girl, which is great. but the problem is she's 100% normal. Thin, blonde, pretty, feminine, etc. When I'm with her, I try to wear makeup, talk with a lighter tone (my grandma is race-mixed so i have tons of blood that make me more masculine than females from Sweden), and walk more up straight. Any more tips?
Click to expand...
You should just be yourself
Because...
You cannot mask and how can u be friends with someone who you can only be a fake version of yourself around.
That will just be exhausting and not provide you any joy.
 
My wife is probably similar to your new friend married 43 years yesterday. I had no idea who I was just acted myself.
others may have seemed me as a bit off she did not even notice, not even that I could not straighten my legs completely she went through boyfriends like shirts prior to meeting me I was and still am her match. She has always been a guy magnet, and about as typical as you can get.
 
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