How Mismatched Are We -or- Out Of Time For Love

[Gomendosi]

She/ He/ They or It, substitute where applicable!
She?s just come into view and you?re instantly attracted by some certain mystique exuded only by her, Phwoar, she?s awesome, So pretty. It won?t work though, because she?s living in 2010 and you?re stuck in 1940 or maybe the seventies.

No I?m not talking about age here and I really am interested to get as many opinions as possible ; ]

O.K. What I am talking about is most probably an Aspergical thing but I could be wrong and so encourage everybody to join in with an opinion or comment.

I feel as though I am living in another time and every female of the species knows it, I like to dress up nice to go out even if its just to the shops for milk but on the weekends I don?t bother with the effort unless its prearranged, I like to open doors, walk on the outside of the footpath/ sidewalk and I love the idea of flowers and chocolates for the lady (Cliche I know). To give you an idea, it just seems my whole take on things is antiquated or outdated, chivalry isn?t dead it?s in hiding and I find myself using a lexicon and mannerisms that are misunderstood all too often these days, and my preferences are frowned upon as; ?my granddad used to do or say that?

(Now the controversial bit) I would prefer to have a partner that isn?t covered in tattoo?s and piercings. The ears pierced yes, but I was raised that only sailors and harlots are tattooed, outside of being a Kalahari bushman, and before I get lynched or kicked out, I obviously have a different opinion now I am away from the familial unit and able to think for myself.
I do agree totally with equality, however, having said that, I was raised to revere women as being the better half, she who creates and carries life, blah, blah, blah and like that. You know the sort of thing I'm sure, Therefore if a woman is willing to put up with me and my carry on, then I shouldn?t treat them with anything less than the utmost respect, never lay a finger on any woman in anger.
It works both ways too, how come there are no Boy Guides and if girls can wear all men?s pants and even ones specifically tailored for them, how come a man even if he's in a kilt is frowned on (outside of Scotland itself or some sort of festival)

I try to be a gentleman but people just think my heads not screwed on tight enough. What is wrong with wanting a woman to wear a long dress instead of a skirt that, when she bends over I can tell what she had for breakfast, and if her bosom is falling out of her top how is that attractive? Cause you are certainly gonna get in trouble if you look! I'm won't even mention staring and drooling ; ]
The idea of acceptable today includes being able to compare how many you?ve had and how often, in public, at full volume (if you know what I mean)
No-one has any self respect anymore and certainly none for anybody else. Older people get bowled over by skaters and people walk three abreast on the footpath so you?re forced into the gutter to get around them.

Its weird because people lose interest if your not all up in their face but then they complain about not having enough space, they are always ringing or texting but haven?t got a thing to say if you want to meet face to face or if they do meet up with you, they?re ringing or texting people who aren?t there?

I?m 37 if your wondering, but I feel like I?m 80 at times. Like, I saw this girl a while ago from the back and thought, ooh, that?s a bit of alright, lovely long hair? On HIS face as well when he turned around! I want to go back to when men were men and women were women and everybody could tell the difference. Ladies in stockings, dresses to the ankle, SENSIBLE shoes, sitting with crossed legs, eating with your mouth closed... these are things that aren?t about oppression, I mean, I?m not prejudiced against individuality or anything; I just think things have always been more clear cut and definable in the past.

Is this an upbringing thing because my siblings are quite ordinary in their sameness in relation to everyone else, or is it environmental. Again, I was raised in the same way by the same parents and in the same places as my siblings. We watched the same programs and drank the same water; I just somehow turned out to be a cantankerous old man before my time. Another thing that disturbs me is that I try to be nice to everybody when I?m stood there talking to them, from the overqualified and consequently, condescending doctor to the overworked and underpaid checkout chick, Ummm? I mean cashier, because I have to make that extra effort (Aspergers?) and some women assume that because I'm being nice I must want a root (Americans read Lay, Europeans read Shag). its frustrating when your having a great conversation and all of a sudden:
Me) ooh cauliflower, should get one of those
Woman) They?re fresh and their on special too
Me) Yeah, good price
Woman) Did you see the other bargains today?
Me) No, I?ll keep my eye out for them though
?
Woman) ahhh... My HUSBAND is picking me up today you know?

Okay, right, that last bit may have been a slight exaggeration that I used to illustrate my point, but if it helps to get the ball rolling it was worth it. Wow, I've even tried emphasis on some words today so feedback does help



SO



Are some of you like me and live in a time warp? Please tell me

 

[ziggification]

[Side Note: The implication of being caught in a time warp is that you are part of a culture that no longer exists and is only relevant to the aforementioned time...but if you practice certain behaviors and hold to certain traditions, then they are very much alive and well in your time period. So by being in a time warp, you are making the present similar to the past, and thus moving yourself from the past into the present....right?]

I recently got into an argument with someone else about the role of men and women in relationships. I was trying to explain how I believed it really was the role of a man to take charge of my safety...How if he said I was in danger, it was not a sign of intelligence or independence to question him or his judgement.

The whole conversation was really upsetting, because my friend did not understand my position. He ended up saying some very unkind things about my intelligence and bluntly stated that I was "brainwashed" for wanting that type of life...The whole incident really made me rethink/reaffirm my beliefs in the nature of male-female relationships. Here are some of my thoughts....

No one should be forced to wear clothes that make them uncomfortable. Corsets and other restrictive undergarments typically associated with the oppression of woman are a no-no for me. This rule includes pantyhose and knee highs. They are expensive, fragile and itchy. Women should wear more dresses, a well-made dress accentuates feminine curves. MEN should not wear pink, skinny jeans, ripped t-shirts, fitted anything or "swag scarves". If I could pick a universal uniform for men that would be the equivalent of "the dress" for women, it would have to be blue jeans and a loose neutral tone t-shirt. Suits often create the illusion of breadth and height....I don't like discovering the truth once the jacket is removed.

I think that tattoos and other body modifications can be beautiful if they have a purpose and do not distract from the natural state of the body. For example, a small tattoo of a rose on an ankle or inner wrist to commemorate a deceased spouse is both appropriate, romantic and tasteful. Getting a "tramp stamp" because you like butterflies is for lack of a better word "trampy" and shallow. The accentuation of breasts, hips, rears, lips, cheeks, hair and other body parts through the use of clever styles, makeup and prosthetic devices is not new. Women today are much more honest in their plumage...and there is something to be admired in that.

Men should hold open doors, pull out chairs, and place orders for ladies. Ladies should pause for long enough to PERMIT men to do these things and then smile and thank them with grace. However, women should feel free to speak up if something is being done that they don't like. Likewise, if a woman is being TOO demanding a man should have the right to refrain from being at her beck and call. As you said it comes down to mutual respect...not placing either sex on a pedestal.

Men can and should cook, clean, wash clothes, darn socks, etc. Women should know how to change a tire, fill up a tank, kill a mouse, and drink a few beers. Women shouldn't know a lot about fighting. Men shouldn't know too much about the bodily functions of ladies...until he is married/committed.

There are no Boy Guides because there are Boy Scouts and woodland warriors and junior rangers and whatever else a given region calls it. The international community uses the term girl scout and girl guide almost interchangeably. The history of scouting in the U.S. is quite controversial in terms of gender, mostly because girls scouts have documented evidence that every boy scout tradition is a bastardization of something that the girl scouts did first. They also have benefits we don't. Boy scouts have the ability to use gov't land to host their meetings -- girl scouts do not. They benefit directly from taxes-- girl scouts do not. I recall the day I came home to discover my 7-year-old nephew who was a scout was gifted a pocket knife, while I as a 13-year old girl scout had to get a permission slip signed to use a screw driver. In short, there are "no" boy guides because you didn't steal the term yet......yet.

As for kilts, there is something primal and sexy about a Scottish man in a kilt. Not a skirt. Not heels...A kilt. There is a long history of blood, sweat, tears, hope and joy in the colors of a tartan. And when recognized by the wearer as a proud symbol of that heritage, it is a beautiful thing to behold. A symbol of masculinity and family values. BUT this is only applicable to kilts. I can think of no other reason for a man to wear a skirt. A robe, sure. A toga, sure. But a skirt.....it's simply not okay with me. It is a sign that you are confused about what it is to be masculine. (proud, strong, powerful, capable, independent, intelligent, fierce....skirt-wearer? It just doesn't jive...)

As for women wearing men's clothing, I am a fan of the way that boy shorts hug a woman's form. They make excellent lingerie, but terrible and inappropriate outwear. This pretty much goes for all of the "boy-cut" items. Sexy in private, not appropriate in public. HOWEVER, I have also found that the way that men's pants are cut work very well for women with slim bodies -- small hips and rears. They are more comfortable. And so I do not consider this a woman wearing a man's item...For example, I have a pair of men's sneakers. I chose them because the girls' shoes did not come in black. The men's shoes were also a little heavier, which felt nice...This does not affect my perception of my own femininity.

As for your issue with "kindness" being mistaken for flirting, I think that kindness and adherence to social niceties has always been a means of expressing interest in another person. But it has definitely been weaponized by modern suitors. Holding open a door to make sure you get an extra glance at a firm bottom. Or offering a lady a hand off a chair so that you can graze your knuckles against her chest. As a girl, you have to be extra careful not to smile at someone or offer a compliment without weighing each and every interpretation.

As a slightly younger lady, I can say that having a man of your age offer kindness would be a RUSH. Especially if that kindness was accompanied by a sharp, clean-cut look and somber but gentle face. Cary Grant died before I was born, I just missed Fred Astaire, and Sean Connery and Harrison Ford are old enough to be my grandpapas but there is something that cuts straight through all logic and reason when you are at the receiving end of chivalrous behavior. It makes my bones turn to mush. AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaand now I can't stop thinking about Fred Astaire now....(fred astaire - YouTube)

Fun thread,
Sylvia

 

[2010Dolby]

So I read this whole thing because it really stuck with me. And I wanted to quote and highlight all the sections that I really relate to but thatd be way to much quoting because essentially the entire thing I agree with. Im lucky that In my area of the United States its pretty conservative like I am so I dont stand out too much, but I still do a little bit.

It believe it is an Aspie trait for us to be kinda old-fashioned in relationships. From your post I can tell that both of us are faithful and loyal in relationships, dont like overly tattooed and pierced girls, we hold doors open and like to give gifts to our girls. I never had thought of my old-fashioned ways being an Aspie related thing but now it makes sense.

You asked if this was an upbringing thing; that would play a big role in it but not the entire thing. My father was very much like me with girls but my mother is such a liberal :| so I saw both sides of the coin and I cant even not being a chivalry-based man.

You mentioned (in a round-a-bout way) how sexually based todays society is. Im not sure if that's and Aspie thing, but yet again, we are in complete agreance about this. I know another Aspie who has no problem with casual sex. But I think casual sex is sick, reckless, and violates what Iv been taught. (Just MY opinion, if anyone reading this disagrees Im sorry. No offense intended)

So Id answer you're general question of "Am I living in a different time?" by saying no. You're living by different set of morals and values. Everyone around you may disagree and contradict how you live you're life but its your choice. Personally, Im happy as hell to find someone else that sees things how I do.

Personal question, dont answer if you dont want to Are you Christian? Or any other kind of religion? Iv always attributed me being this way because of my Christian household

 

[Gomendosi]

ADDENDUM

Just to elaborate, not everything in what I said is as in-depth as I could make it, simply for the sake of retaining interest ; ]

Its hard to try to live in both era’s because I do want to be part of “the scene”, but enjoy the dignity and self respect of bygone days. Sure I can have both, though the end result is a hard mix to get right and I usually come away just looking odd. I grew up with the brothers teaching me to be filthy, crass, demeaning and racist, all in that juvenile way that impresses the other kids. Everybody else instilled in me the values of understanding, decency, tolerance, truth, and chivalry and yes it all was a long and complicated process so not all of it stuck.
I do attempt to mix with people my own age using what I gleaned from the brothers and their friends, but I generally tend to get along better with people from the previous generation EG; When I was at school I would make friends with someone and go to their place, I would get along like a house on fire with their parents and would wind up, that upon further visits I would spend more time with the parents than the friend.

2010Dolby asked a pertinent question of; could religion be a factor. To which my reply would have to be that I can’t say I hold an affiliation with any belief system, despite attending a catholic primary school. I usually find though, that as I am accepting of the views and associations of others and as such can talk at length with them, I therefore may seem religious to people who are.
I may even be classed as a multi denominational atheist… student of life… or even a non practicing exclusionist ; ]

 

[NeverEnder]

I am very traditional, perhaps "dated", but I agree with much in this post.