How many people here really have Autism?

[Tony Ramirez]

I am asking because lately I been getting bad advice mainly regarding relationships and how it's my fault I am not in one.

The advice sounds like something an non autistic person would say like "just go up and talk to her" something if the person has ASD would be extremely difficult to do.

 

[Crossbreed]

1. You did not include a poll.
2. I have an official diagnosis.
3. Your rationale in the OP is called the "No True Scotsman" fallacy.

The advice sounds like something an non autistic person would say like "just go up and talk to her" something if the person has ASD would be extremely difficult to do.

I would not recommend such "cold" calls, just mingling in as many group settings that fit, with minimal expectations. MORE at Christian Reply to Non-Christian Thread...

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Having issues talking to the opposite sex was always difficult if you are an introvert, now being married and on the spectrum I actually prefer talking to them, they do not spend hours talking about sports.

 

[mw2530]

Hard to say, but I suspect there are a number of those who are not on the spectrum. Which I do not have a problem with really since many are seeking to understand ASD since maybe if affects a family member or perhaps they are in a relationship with someone who is on the spectrum. I have also experienced plenty of criticism and blame on the relationship forums, likely from both those on the spectrum and those who are not on the spectrum. I think it is true though that men are generally expected to take initiative and show there interest in a woman. As a consequence, I think it is far more difficult for men on the spectrum to line up dates than women. As far as developing an actual relationship and all that comes with it, I think it equally difficult for both men and women. But with having such difficulty in lining up initial dates, one cannot ever get to the relationship building stage. My friends girlfriend (who is not on the spectrum, as far as I know) joined one of the dating sites a few years ago and that is how she met him. She said that she had over 100 messages in the first week. That goes to show that the odds are stacked heavily against men in the dating world, and with ASD it is magnified. Not to say that there are exceptions to this. I think the whole online dating is making it even more difficult.

Aside from the possibility of some members not being on the spectrum, I think there may be other factors to the out of touch advice that is given at times. Some may have entered into relationships prior to online dating, so I think dating dynamics may have been different at that time. Also, those who have had success, may have cognitive bias that it is not as difficult as it is due to the fact that they experienced success. Sometimes a person's circumstances are not considered. Dating is not entirely in our control and many factors can impact success or failure such as where you live and your age.

 

[velociraptor]

I am asking because lately I been getting bad advice mainly regarding relationships and how it's my fault I am not in one.

The advice sounds like something an non autistic person would say like "just go up and talk to her" something if the person has ASD would be extremely difficult to do.

My official diagnosis is Asperger's. That's what's on the piece of paper. Being told to call it ASD irritates me.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's true It's much easier for women to find love than men. A woman from my life group found her spouse using a dating app. She was single for a long time but the first dating app she found someone right away and became an stupid couple.

 

[Gerontius]

1) I was officially diagnosed.
2) So are a ton of people here.
3) Advice will not automatically make you irresistible to women; it depends on what you do with it. There is no combination of words in any language, English or otherwise, that will erase your distaste for couples.
4) It's not easier necessarily for women to find love than men. Look at all the divorced women out there, who never found actual love.
5) I don't think the girl in your life group is being dumb for using the tools available to her and finding someone she gets along with. I think you are sabotaging yourself by thinking people automatically become stupid if they get into a relationship.

 

[Au Naturel]

I can say I vastly prefer to talk to a random woman than 70% of men. One thing I have found is that it pays not to be "on the hunt." Women may want to chat but they don't necessarily want to be a romantic focus. (Although, sometimes they do. But it is usually easy to tell.) We're talking women here. Post college and usually in a career. Married women, middle-aged women, trans women, and older women. If you really aren't looking for a hookup or a romance it doesn't matter.

Meet them through a special interest group of some sort.

Not girls. Girls often are in the romance market so if you're not of romantic interest, they go elsewhere. Some of them wouldn't mind being friends with a guy but EVERY guy they meet wants to be more than friends with them. So when you try to talk to one of them, you get the brush off. Getting to be a friend with a girl is really tough.

If you want to be attractive to girls/women you need to know what they are looking for. Every woman wants something a little different but there are commonalities. The visual aspect is easy but the financial and behavioral aspects are hard. Hints of selfishness or neediness will scare them away.

.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The young ones like to hang with gay guys. I hang with the woman at parties but then I not in the market.

 

[Greatshield17]

I am asking because lately I been getting bad advice mainly regarding relationships and how it's my fault I am not in one.

The advice sounds like something an non autistic person would say like "just go up and talk to her" something if the person has ASD would be extremely difficult to do.

Did you see, and consider my advice about looking for an Autistic woman?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

The young ones like to hang with gay guys. I hang with the woman at parties but then I not in the market.

Yet sometimes I get hit on by guys which ticks me off as I am not gay.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Some of them wouldn't mind being friends with a guy but EVERY guy they meet wants to be more than friends with them. So when you try to talk to one of them, you get the brush off. Getting to be a friend with a girl is really tough.

So true. I was messaging an girl that I knew from life group but started to know her better from an seconds course. Covid ruined that and after we been messaging during Covid she just knew that I was persuasive in being romantic even without me saying it. But she is single by choice and said she only likes gal friends and couples as friends. Let's just say it ended badly with me not message her no more. If I see her at Church we don't even talk no more. She also left our life group probably not because of me.

 

[Jordy]

Nothing matters if you don't meet the minimum requirements for a woman to be open to having sex with you. A "yes i would date him" can turn into "i would definitely not date him", but the opposite is not true. People seem make a logical error when they assume that what we know to be behaviors that make woman lose interest can be reversed to make them go from uninterested to interested. Woman may dislike a socially skilled handsome man that starts to act needy and insecure or depressed, that doesn't mean they will like a physically unattractive man with autism because he acts confident and happy.

It is a simple fact that If you ever want to be happy you need to find something other than the validation from woman, despite the fact that wanting that is extremely normal and straight man are born with it to a degree, but that's just how it is.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I met my future wife as I rented a room to her and she got stuck putting together a dresser, did not have any tools
I was just being a helpful land lord. they do not tell you how they see you until years latter whole different perspective guys look for sex they look for good husband material, would you make a good father. Project that to them and you have it made, not some thing you can fake. It has to be natural. Me helping her settle in I quess gave the right body language. I had no ulterior motive, just being myself. I had other female tenants and yes they do talk to each other.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Oficially diagnosed at 60. I was so socially avoidant as a teen that I was told that I suffered from Schizotypal PD.

 

[Misery]

I am asking because lately I been getting bad advice mainly regarding relationships and how it's my fault I am not in one.

You still just dont get it, do you?

You refuse to accept that you might be the cause. You refuse to accept that others ARENT absolutely always the cause.

You're outright hostile towards the people you meet IRL... when you talk about them, it's always "oh the couples are FLAUNTING it" or "oh the couples are SHOVING IT IN MY FACE" which is a giant load of nonsense, and incredibly illogical. What a ridiculous idea, but it's all you'll allow, huh? Or sometimes you just talk about how you outright hate them.

You get advice all the time here. Solid advice. Often coming from people who, you know, actually have had or currently have relationships. You ignore it, no matter what it may be and no matter what direction it's from... unless it's exactly the thing you WANT to hear (that's not how advice works).

Your attitude is outright toxic, which you display constantly. Even here, in this topic, you're doing that a bit. I dont think I've ever seen a single topic from you where you ARENT being at least a little toxic.

EVERYTHING about your attitude and behavior is *exactly* what is going to turn off pretty much anyone you meet. I've said it before, and I'll say it for about the billionth time: People, particularly NTs, can spot that sort of thing from a mile away. It clings to you, and is impossible for most to miss. Some people CAN put up with that sort of thing for a limited time, but... always, that will break after not too long.

All of these negatives COULD be avoided if you accepted that yes, you cause your own problem, and then actually sat the heck down and faced the bloody problem instead of just talking about how everyone sucks and "woe is me, the world hates me" which is also a bucket of nonsense.

All of this has been explained to you. Many, many times. As always, you dont listen. No... you REFUSE to listen.

So much toxicity, so much hate, so much of this self-centered belief that it's ALWAYS a them VS you situation and THEY must be at fault, and it's so, so obvious...

And you wonder why nobody is interested in you? Seriously?

Until you face up to your problems and at least TRY to make some changes like a freaking adult... you will not get what you want. I promise you that.



Oh, and by the way, yes, I'm autistic. Fully diagnosed by doctors years ago.


And yes, I'm aware I'm being really harsh here. Just sugarcoating things DEFINITELY wont help in this case. Besides, if anyone's gonna go the harsh route here, it may as well be me...

Good grief. I really am a stubborn little snot, aint I? I know you arent going to take any of this to heart, yet here I am, trying anyway... But only this one post this time.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Y'all have heard my tale that I called her to share a ride to a trail maintenance project and I displayed my debonaire qualities by picking ticks off her legs at the time i was keeping the car running with a cracked distributor rotor.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You still just dont get it, do you?

You refuse to accept that you might be the cause. You refuse to accept that others ARENT absolutely always the cause.

You're outright hostile towards the people you meet IRL... when you talk about them, it's always "oh the couples are FLAUNTING it" or "oh the couples are SHOVING IT IN MY FACE" which is a giant load of nonsense, and incredibly illogical. What a ridiculous idea, but it's all you'll allow, huh? Or sometimes you just talk about how you outright hate them.

You get advice all the time here. Solid advice. Often coming from people who, you know, actually have had or currently have relationships. You ignore it, no matter what it may be and no matter what direction it's from... unless it's exactly the thing you WANT to hear (that's not how advice works).

Your attitude is outright toxic, which you display constantly. Even here, in this topic, you're doing that a bit. I dont think I've ever seen a single topic from you where you ARENT being at least a little toxic.

EVERYTHING about your attitude and behavior is *exactly* what is going to turn off pretty much anyone you meet. I've said it before, and I'll say it for about the billionth time: People, particularly NTs, can spot that sort of thing from a mile away. It clings to you, and is impossible for most to miss. Some people CAN put up with that sort of thing for a limited time, but... always, that will break after not too long.

All of these negatives COULD be avoided if you accepted that yes, you cause your own problem, and then actually sat the heck down and faced the bloody problem instead of just talking about how everyone sucks and "woe is me, the world hates me" which is also a bucket of nonsense.

All of this has been explained to you. Many, many times. As always, you dont listen. No... you REFUSE to listen.

So much toxicity, so much hate, so much of this self-centered belief that it's ALWAYS a them VS you situation and THEY must be at fault, and it's so, so obvious...

And you wonder why nobody is interested in you? Seriously?

Until you face up to your problems and at least TRY to make some changes like a freaking adult... you will not get what you want. I promise you that.



Oh, and by the way, yes, I'm autistic. Fully diagnosed by doctors years ago.


And yes, I'm aware I'm being really harsh here. Just sugarcoating things DEFINITELY wont help in this case. Besides, if anyone's gonna go the harsh route here, it may as well be me...

Good grief. I really am a stubborn little snot, aint I? I know you arent going to take any of this to heart, yet here I am, trying anyway... But only this one post this time.

You know what I am getting sick of your mouth. You always blame me for anything relationship. You have to reply putting me down every freaking time I post an new post here. Every time. This is why I won't pay for VIP as I am strongly considering leaving this toxic place.

Who the hell keeps marking your rant to me as Winner.

 

[Judge]

The advice sounds like something an non autistic person would say like "just go up and talk to her" something if the person has ASD would be extremely difficult to do.

About the only difference I see in that scenario is that an NT would probably just go up and talk to her. While the guy on the spectrum mulls it over for the next few years and does nothing. Yes! It comes down to just going up and talking to her. Not many autistic alternatives in this instance.

When the drive to meet someone becomes greater than the fear of dealing with a stranger. I still recall when my company hired a new receptionist whose front desk with just a cubicle away. She was so damn cute I just couldn't stay away from her. But asking her out? That wasn't going to happen. My bad.

Though for once being extremely shy simply lost out. Though in my own case I still only approached her as a friend and nothing else at the time. Turned out she needed a friend more than a date. Things progressed rapidly after that. We talked about going to the Monterrey Aquarium on the weekend and suddenly it became a date.

Of course when she did come over, she spent the weekend at my place, and we never got to the Aquarium. Which didn't bother me at all. Maybe I was just absurdly lucky. But had I not gone up to talk to her I would have never known. Autistic or not. When you must get over your own fear and just go out and sink or swim.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

"just go up and talk to her" something if the person has ASD would be extremely difficult to do.

Who said it was easy? I have had my share of turn downs, but learned a lot and made some connections. The last time I went up to a woman and talked to her was last April on the Tokyo to Bangkok flight. She certainly picked her outfit with care. Once when she returned to her seat, I went up to her and said how beautiful her ensemble was. Do you do that with women at church that you see frequently? Sometimes people like being noticed for the right reasons.

The one time it was easy my expectations besides somebody to share the driving was zero, nada. When we met I was so pleased about how nice she was I was not going to throw away what fate gifted me. Our interests harmonized and we ended up liking each other.