Think it was a progression, read and painted and drew to achieve some peace and some quiet. Initially it was to learn, to lose or find myself in books and obliterate the actual world going on around me.
The drawing and painting was to depict somehow the way I perceived the world. The art became an obsessive, perfectionist, ego-driven show of my talent and worth. Everything I achieved during that period of my life, was so that others would value me. Hearing, oh, 'she's so talented.' Was never enough, even if someone had told me every day of my life at that point. During the early part of my life, I did all the art to show others that I was talented and not to be overlooked. Continually being directed and influenced by those around me. I garnered worth from others, not from myself. I have gone back to art, never really left it, but the art changed.
It was the same with dancing, singing, being a model for awhile. It was all about worth in other peoples eyes and free clothes . It took many years for me to realize that much of what I was really interested in, rescuing animals, plants, hunting for fossils, martial arts, cycling, were things I had done automatically all along. The interests evolved to be less about other's and more about what I actually enjoy and would feel empty without.
You are telling my story Mia! I have done so many things that other people thought were important. It took me decades to figure out what I find fulfilling.