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How do you know if you are sexually compatible with a less experienced person?

J

JM33

New Member
I started dating someone for almost two years now, and she was a virgin when we first met. However, because of this, I am not sure if we are sexually compatible because she is just discovering herself. I don't want to be wrong though or waste her time of course, so is there a way to tell if we are sexually compatible if she is inexperienced and just starting out?

Thank you very much for any perspectives on this. I really appreciate it.
 
Talk to her about it. Also, go with your gut. If sex with them is full of awkwardness and incompatibility - then I think you'd probably know quite strongly that something was amiss.

Ed
 
I am unsure what exactly you are asking here.

First off. Are you on the spectrum? Is she on the spectrum?

After two years,what is the problem? If you have been intimate regularly she shouldn't be inexperienced at this point. So then after all this time is she still a virgin and/or reluctant to be intimate regularly and are you are sexually frustrated?
 
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Can't answer that one easily, as I was the inexperienced one. I can only say that coming out of isolation as a teen and young adult, and being friends first, my thought was to be in tune with her enjoyment (I'm always observant). Later she said that she desired me because I was the only man up to then who was concerned for her pleasure.

So, I really don't see the connection between experience and compatibility when an interest in being a good lover seemed to count for a lot in my case.
 
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For starters I would suggest resisting a notion that "compatibility" is necessarily an issue just because one of you is more experienced than the other. With a distinct possibility that the more experienced partner is more capable to take the lead in that which you may either not be experienced in or have never done before. And that this in itself is not a bad thing at all. In essence, don't be afraid to experiment.

I've been on both sides of this issue. Quickly adapting to either being a patient teacher or a good learner. And above all to listen to your partner when they are open about discussing what they want and what they like.

If you are one who feels hampered by being inexperienced, always consider that we all have been there before.

And if anyone is simply waiting for some kind of "osmosis" to occur to change things, it ain't gonna happen. When you must be that conduit for change, especially if or when your partner is less experienced.
 
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I don't know what you mean by this and I don't know what you mean about "wasting her time".
 
I'd almost be inclined to say that if a 'more experienced' person were to genuinely believe sexual compatibility has anything meaningful to do with levels of experience, they're probably not asking the right question.

Inexperience is the place you start, not a problem to resolve.
 
Just follow her lead on things. She will let you know if and when she is comfortable with certain things. If you're more experienced, just introduce things in a slow, relaxed manner. No worries. Don't over think it.
 
I can only suggest applying my specific requirements. Trust and comfort. It starts upstairs, first. A cerebral connection of trust and comfort between myself and a gal are what only begins the journey or at least only feels like it's the right way. You probably have a completely different level of trust and comfort, but I think this "formula" is a pretty good one. It allows the feelings that I want, anyway. I think it has to allow for the worries of experience to go away and just learn and enjoy one another.

Also, the main thing about this process is that you end where you begin. Sex as a physical act in a real relationship (at least as I have known it) is not the bulk of the time you spend together. You better have trust and comfort in all other aspects, or your get together will just be a fling and leave you feeling hollow, confused and frustrated. Then the other definition of "experience" is all you are left with - it was an experience, and you may regret that you don't have it again or have the chance to redeem yourself, if that is what you feel kind of bothering you.
 
Dagan said:
I can only suggest applying my specific requirements. Trust and comfort. It starts upstairs, first. A cerebral connection of trust and comfort between myself and a gal are what only begins the journey or at least only feels like it's the right way. You probably have a completely different level of trust and comfort, but I think this "formula" is a pretty good one. It allows the feelings that I want, anyway. I think it has to allow for the worries of experience to go away and just learn and enjoy one another.

Also, the main thing about this process is that you end where you begin. Sex as a physical act in a real relationship (at least as I have known it) is not the bulk of the time you spend together. You better have trust and comfort in all other aspects, or your get together will just be a fling and leave you feeling hollow, confused and frustrated. Then the other definition of "experience" is all you are left with - it was an experience, and you may regret that you don't have it again or have the chance to redeem yourself, if that is what you feel kind of bothering you.
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So true. I have written about the intense road trip that let my future spouse and I fall for each other. We became friends first planning the road trip to a National Sierra Club Outing and as we progressed I became ever more trusting. Before this I had never made myself vulnerable to a woman so completely. Finally I felt so comfortable that I went far out of my comfort zone and professed to her. Still, my mind went into panic mode and she kindly and patiently explained that being physical was having a deeper friendship. All of this so impacted me that as she took my virginity she did not realize my inexperience. Trust and comfort brought out the best in me.

IMO, I think basing compatibility on experience rather than what two lovers decide to enjoy together is barking up the wrong tree.
 
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Two years is a long time if you haven't done anything physical with each other. If your partner doesn't want to try stuff with you at this point and you want to try physical things, time to break it off immediately.
 
Tom said:
I am unsure what exactly you are asking here.

First off. Are you on the spectrum? Is she on the spectrum?

After two years,what is the problem? If you have been intimate regularly she shouldn't be inexperienced at this point. So then after all this time is she still a virgin and/or reluctant to be intimate regularly and are you are sexually frustrated?
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Oh we are both autistic, sorry for not specifying. I guess she just kind of lays there and is very vanilla about it, not doing much. Where as I guess I normally like more passion if that makes sense?

Thank you for the replies and input everyone!
 
JM33 said:
Oh we are both autistic, sorry for not specifying. I guess she just kind of lays there and is very vanilla about it, not doing much. Where as I guess I normally like more passion if that makes sense?

Thank you for the replies and input everyone!
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Ok, I hear you. I have run into mild version and heard of it with others.

Have you ever brought it up with her? Does she know you are looking for a more active interaction? And if so, what has been her response?

Btw it sounds like less drive/interest more then less experience. The second is just a result of the first.
 
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She says that I am too passionate and that she need it more soft, slow and relaxed and she can't get into it my way. She also says she is more submissive compared to dominant, when I wanted dominate more.
 
JM33 said:
No, why? I use to a few years ago, but I stopped in order to not be overstimulated.
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Because it's a seemingly common situation that occurs today where men (typically) who watch porn regularly have a desire to act out what they see and if they're with a partner (typically female) who does not watch porn, she generally rejects his outlandish ideas roundly.
 
Oh perhaps that is the case. But I haven't watched it for years and thought it was just me and what turns me on, unless I am likely wrong?
 
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