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Featured How do you know if a "friend" is a friend?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SimplyWandering, Feb 28, 2018.

  1. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    So my question of the day is How do you know if a friend is a friend or just an acquaintance?

    This is coming from a guy who feels like he has no friends. I try to reach out to others and I get no reciprocation.
     
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  2. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    You just keep watering your acquaintances. With enough exposure, some will bloom into friendships.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2018
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  3. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    My dad always said that you don't know who your real friends are until you are ill and/or in hospital. Your real friends are the ones who will go the extra mile (literally) to help you. Also, when you have depression, you find out who your real friends are, and they aren't necessary your closest friends.
     
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  4. granolaturtle

    granolaturtle Well-Known Member

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    I know how that feels. I've spent most of my life wondering if the few people I like to talk to are acquaintances or friends. When you like being around someone and it's actually fun to socialize with them, you eventually just have to take it as a kind of faith. I'm careful who I call friend, but I've been more willing to use the label in recent years.
     
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  5. Beguiling Orbit

    Beguiling Orbit Neurotribe Champion V.I.P Member

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    Your gut will tell you. If it gets knotted up when someone contacts you, then you know they're not your friend.
     
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  6. Marcus

    Marcus Star Wars enthusiast

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    I have the hardest time figuring that out, especially since I've had so many people leave my life for the dumbest of reasons.

    I've always found that with the select few that I try and connect with, I always have the burning question in the back of my mind of "when will they leave?"

    I've never thought that I was worthy of having friends, and I still don't. I don't give out that title very quickly, often it takes a long time, and usually by then, the person is gone from my life.
     
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  7. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I am kinda like @Marcus . People leave so often. And i don't blame them for "being there". They are all into their own Facebook and therapy sessions.

    Further, I confuse everyone and they all confuse me.

    I just stay in my own space now. The people who love me are family. That's it.
     
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  8. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    The person who stays around when all other ones disappear.
     
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  9. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    A true friend would help you hide a body. No, really. If you told one of your friends that you had a really big problem and needed help hiding a body. Would they help or run the other way?
     
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  10. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    So now we know why you're suddenly a staff member......

    :)
     
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  11. LucyPurrs

    LucyPurrs NT, INFJ V.I.P Member

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    Hmmmm, who hasn't posted in awhile?
     
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  12. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I'd be a really bad friend then, because if I knew that a friend was trying to hide a body I would call the police!
     
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  13. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Of course that would be the right thing to do, but still if you wanted to know how loyal someone was....
     
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  14. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes, I suppose it would be a good way to find the perfect partner in crime!
     
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  15. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    When they refer to me repeatedly as their friend or when I ask them if they consider us friends and they say "yes".
     
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  16. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Well I have this 'list'
    Lets just say that it needs 'trimming'
    So do you offer a full 'friendly' service ?
    :)
     
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  17. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

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    I find parallels between declaring that someone is your friend, or another person declaring that about you, and the whole first "I love you" thing in a relationship. Who says it first? How do you know when the line has crossed between "like" and "love"? What do you say if it's said to you, and what if you say it and they don't feel the same?

    Personally, I never say "I love you" first, and I never declare someone to be a friend first. I wait until they refer to me as their friend, or even asks "do you want to be friends"? In either the case of love of friendship, it's a great way to drive that person away by saying "it" prematurely.

    I love @Crossbreed 's post: keep your acquaintances around and see who moves up to the next level and becomes a friend. You might be surprised.
     
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  18. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    To me a friend is someone who wants what's best for you at all times. Someone that you can tell stuff to and is happy for your success as you are for theirs.
     
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  19. Dorkasour

    Dorkasour Active Member

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    Hahaha I recently asked someone if they were my friend and they said no. AAAAAHHH!!! they aren't mean about it or anything it's just embarrassing to think someone is your friend when they see you as their acquaintance.
     
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  20. Bro'Freak

    Bro'Freak Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes you just can't tell. The wind might change tomorrow & they'll walk to greener fields. We can't stop them & we can't always predict it, no mater how astute one may be. Generally real friends are interested in your happiness & will offer support. They won't be too critical but will instead suggest fixes or provide examples of routes to correcting issues. If they dictate in a "Do it or else" tone or manner then the person isn't a friend, they are just an bullying acquaintance that you happen to know.
     
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