How do meltdowns work?

[Mellow Bunny]

Hello, I'm called Mellow on here, and I just wanted to talk about meltdowns. I'm not completely sure how they work. I mean, I know how they come about, but I'm not sure if I've had any meltdowns. Around a year ago, I was in a "ARD" meeting with my dad and a bunch of teachers, counselors, and school people(By the way, I have HFA), and they were all discussing what should happen with me, because that whole year, of being a freshmen in high school, was very hard for me. They were talking about putting me in special classes with other people that have disorders.

I am very shy and awkward, and when they started asking me questions about why I wasn't doing my work, it made me really upset and I started crying. I'm not sure if that would be considered a meltdown.

Other instances where I thought I had a meltdown were points where I would be told what to do in a mean way and I'd just put my head down and not do any school work for that period. Most of the time, I contain my anger, like when I'm at home alone, if I was upset about something I would growl or whine for a few minutes and start crying. I'm not sure if any of this classifies as a meltdown(in the autism way), but I'll be happy to tell you all more to help with finding out. Earlier today, I think I had one, where I was really upset at everyone.

People just frustrate me a lot; they just don't understand me at all. My head was down in class and I wouldn't do my work, and the only thing I was thinking was "I hate people" over and over again, because everyone was being really loud with their talking. It was starting to sound like how audio sounds when you yell into a microphone. I almost started crying. I'm just not sure.

 

[dragoncat16]

Yeah those sound like meltdowns to me, but please understand that's just my take on it, and not a professional opinion. Now that I have my diagnosis, I have realized that every time I have withdrawn from a situation in a weird way or stopped talking to people, even though I knew that behaviour would make me even more of a social outcast, those were meltdowns caused by too much stress and social pressure.

 

[InfinityRose]

You know, I've been wondering about this myself. Lately I've been having similar responses that you've described, usually in response to severe stress. I will shut down and refuse to talk to anyone or do anything, and become irrationally angry and frustrated over very small things, like someone clicking their pen or talking too loudly. I was unsure if this behavior would actually be considered a meltdown, because when I picture a meltdown in my head, I think of someone having a screaming fit or sobbing uncontrollably, and I've just been very avoidant and quietly frustrated. So, I think you could maybe be experiencing meltdowns, but I'm not sure. I'm sorry I'm not much help, I'm still figuring out what exactly a meltdown is myself.

 

[Mellow Bunny]

You know, I've been wondering about this myself. Lately I've been having similar responses that you've described, usually in response to severe stress. I will shut down and refuse to talk to anyone or do anything, and become irrationally angry and frustrated over very small things, like someone clicking their pen or talking too loudly. I was unsure if this behavior would actually be considered a meltdown, because when I picture a meltdown in my head, I think of someone having a screaming fit or sobbing uncontrollably, and I've just been very avoidant and quietly frustrated. So, I think you could maybe be experiencing meltdowns, but I'm not sure. I'm sorry I'm not much help, I'm still figuring out what exactly a meltdown is myself.

It's perfectly fine. I feel the exact way you do, with anger or upset for little reasons.

 

[hutchie]

To me, mentally or neurological overloaded/drained, can't cope/handle the situation, we react differently, I generally loose the plot or let people walk over me, standing up for myself, being strong isn't a option open to me, I'm still learning as I'm relatively new to all this. It's horrible and frustrating, oh and embarrassing. Hope you have some luck.

 

[onlything]

These sounds like meltdowns to me, though I have a strong tendency for shutdowns, so I'm not an expert here. If I do 'melt', it comes slowly and after reaching the threshold, comes in one of two ways: physical sickness or depressive meltdown. The cause for the first one is most often harsh sensory overload and it ends in a few days of constant headaches and exhaustion, sometimes with body temperature fluctuating between 35.8 to 38 degress. The second one is when I start crying about the smallest things both in public and private. For example: dropped a pen? - cry; heard another noise? - cry; roommate came to the room suddenly? - cry; have to go to work? - cry. It is either internal or external crying. Sometimes you feel simply awful and like you need to cry but you can't - I call it the internal one.

Shutdown is just what it sounds. I shut down. I don't do anything, sometimes I rock or stim, sometimes I'm still. Often I can't talk at all or focus on anything, at times it's not even possible to think. When it's really bad I tend to run away to an enclosed space like a bathroom, close myself, cover my ears and eyes and just sit in a ball until the need passes.

I know that there are also anger oriented meltdowns but the only ones I can remember are shouting days where after an event I would shout, hit doors, kick things in my room, throw notebooks. I didn't have many of them, mostly in my teenage days. After all, 'good girls aren't ever angry'.

If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to come to the chat or pm me.

 

[OkRad]

In my mind, shutdown and meltdown totally different. Shut down, is quick, isolated, locked in, can't talk, want to connect but can't or maybe do NOT want to connect. Alone and behind a wall, leave me alone. This is usally after multiple attempts to connect or be part of a group that does not want me there, maybe pain will trigger it, or feeling like a failure. Can last a day or weeks.

WHereas meltdown? M*(Ucker! Down on floor, table turned over, f you, don't come near me, had enough, cannot cope, need to lay down, might hit head, might punch something, but this is only AFTER A LONG SPATE of too much noise, light, sound, odours, people yelling at me, things not working, people being cruel, not being able to function, etc..............awful. Very fast, last a few minutes, but buildup can be days of fighting fighting fighting it.............

 

[SusanLR]

In my mind, shutdown and meltdown totally different. Shut down, is quick, isolated, locked in, can't talk, want to connect but can't or maybe do NOT want to connect. Alone and behind a wall, leave me alone. This is usally after multiple attempts to connect or be part of a group that does not want me there, maybe pain will trigger it, or feeling like a failure. Can last a day or weeks.

WHereas meltdown? M*(Ucker! Down on floor, table turned over, f you, don't come near me, had enough, cannot cope, need to lay down, might hit head, might punch something, but this is only AFTER A LONG SPATE of too much noise, light, sound, odours, people yelling at me, things not working, people being cruel, not being able to function, etc..............awful. Very fast, last a few minutes, but buildup can be days of fighting fighting fighting it.............

This pretty well describes what I call shutdowns and meltdowns.
If someone says something rude, insulting or untrue about me, I shutdown. Usually shoot them one of my "if looks could kill" glances to them and then won't talk for a day or more. Lock myself up in my room or get in the car and run off for the day. Talking again comes back slowly and I never really "Let it go." It's tucked away in my mind.

A meltdown for me can be becoming physically ill after too many days of stress. Usually in the form of vertigo or stomach distress, and panic attacks.
Or outward expressions of verbal rebuke or broken dishes, the turned over piece of furniture, hit something. Learned at the age of 13 the glass window in a door isn't the thing to hit. That got a trip to the hospital for stitches, still have a few scars on my right fingers and hand from that one.
So that's shutdowns vs meltdowns to me.

 

[Suzanne]

I have learned that meltdowns are not just an aspie thing, but the difference with being an aspie, to an NT, is the frequency and the cause.

What you describe definitely sounds like meltdowns. I can feel a well of burning anger rising up and I suddenly am so quiet that you would not believe I am there. It can be anything from using the wrong equipment in the kitchen, to my passage being blocked ( hubby is untidy) to feeling attacked.

I NEED to be on my own, to get through them.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

Though what you are describing could be a meltdown, it does sound minor. It might be that you are severely overwhelmed, but somehow, that doesn't sound like a meltdown to me. To me, meltdowns mean losing all control of your behavior, due to severe sensory overload. After what you described happens, do you feel emotionally raw or drained? That's something i notice happens to me after i have one, it just may be a me thing though.

 

[Mellow Bunny]

Though what you are describing could be a meltdown, it does sound minor. It might be that you are severely overwhelmed, but somehow, that doesn't sound like a meltdown to me. To me, meltdowns mean losing all control of your behavior, due to severe sensory overload. After what you described happens, do you feel emotionally raw or drained? That's something i notice happens to me after i have one, it just may be a me thing though.

Yeah, I do.

 

[onlything]

Though what you are describing could be a meltdown, it does sound minor. It might be that you are severely overwhelmed, but somehow, that doesn't sound like a meltdown to me. To me, meltdowns mean losing all control of your behavior, due to severe sensory overload. After what you described happens, do you feel emotionally raw or drained? That's something i notice happens to me after i have one, it just may be a me thing though.

@VioletHaze_03 , it may seem minor to you but it can be very harsh ad painful for @Mellow Bunny . I know you mean well but your answer sounded like invalidation of his experiences. I see where you're coming from, I definitely don't mean any offence, however, I think everyone feels and goes through things differently, sometimes loosing all control of behaviours, sometimes of emotions and mental state, sometimes of both.

Also, I'm sorry you have such violent meltdowns. I know how painful it can be. Cheers.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

@VioletHaze_03 , it may seem minor to you but it can be very harsh ad painful for @Mellow Bunny . I know you mean well but your answer sounded like invalidation of his experiences. I see where you're coming from, I definitely don't mean any offence, however, I think everyone feels and goes through things differently, sometimes loosing all control of behaviours, sometimes of emotions and mental state, sometimes of both.

Also, I'm sorry you have such violent meltdowns. I know how painful it can be. Cheers.

Sorry about that. When I happen to be really passionate about something and want to make a point, I can sometimes come off to be very harsh. I never know I'm doing it until someone points it out. To me, I just sound helpful and logical. What I wanted to say in that it's mild is that there could be strategies to manage sensory overload so that it doesn't lead into a meltdown. Basically, there may be some way to decrease the emotional trauma of one, other than the assistance provided by medication. And in response to your other comment, I wouldn't say mine are particularly violent, I'm just very verbally aggressive.

 

[Bella Pines]

People just frustrate me a lot; they just don't understand me at all.

Well we all do. I also have HFA.

Everything you described sounds perfectly normal to me. I used to feel like that at school, so many people "expecting" things of me, trying to make me do things and act a certain way. I used to wish they would all just leave me alone. I used to hate loud noises and crowds of people.

But that was 30 years ago now.

Somehow I got through school with qualifications and eventually found a job that I can just about stand. The good news is that I am now completely in control of my life. When I need my own time I simply put my headphones on. When I need people to leave me alone I simply ask them to and they comply. Every year gets easier.

In order to get there, the first thing you need to understand is that there is nothing 'wrong' with you. You are who you are and that's a wonderful thing. Don't obsess about 'shutdowns' or 'meltdowns', or any other behaviour that you are 'supposed' to exhibit. What you described could be termed a meltdown but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that it is a behaviour you exhibit, which is fine, and it's up to you if you are happy with it or want to change it.

The second thing you need to understand is that you can't change the people around you. They probably keep yelling at you because they want you to get qualifications, they want to help. They will probably never understand and will keep trying to get you to fit in, they will probably try to get you to make friends and act like everyone else. But this is them just as you are you. Try to look past the general irritation that most people cause and appreciate that they are trying to help you.