How do i learn how to read body language?

[Fino]

Someone here recommended "The Body Language Bible, Definitive Book of Language, Games People Play" or something along those lines. I haven't read it yet but I plan to!

 

[Aspychata]

Body language is hit or miss with me. If you really need to know, then just ask the person, maybe by saying:" l think you are feeling this (saying this) to me" (and insert your thought process). The person will be flattered that you are checking, and you will feel more confident about yourself. Hope l made sense.

 

[Aspychata]

Tonight on the phone, l asked the person if l could call them tomorrow. Why, because l was unsure by their tone if they were okay with it. So l asked? Why, because their opinon matters, l wish to respect their privacy and boundaries, so l just ask simple questions.

 

[SusanLR]

People watching is an interesting way to learn.
Go to a restaurant and you can watch interactions at another table without them knowing.
One of my favourite places is a mall.
We have a two floor ice skating rink in the middle of one close to where I live.
It is always decorated nicely and has sitting areas around the rink.
Buy a snack and a drink, sit back in a comfy chair and just start watching.
I watch the people skating or trying to learn to skate.
People sitting around me how they are talking and interacting or if they are alone, how do they act?
And with all the different people walking the mall, you see every type.

It's like going to a zoo.
Live observation!

 

[An Arctic fox]

If i could handle that i would. Id also probably feel morally wrong. But I could try, though sometimes i get overwhelmed with it.

 

[SusanLR]

If i could handle that i would. Id also probably feel morally wrong. But I could try, though sometimes i get overwhelmed with it.

I understand it isn't viable for everyone. It could overwhelm you and sometimes it does me.
I have to be in a good mood.
It doesn't bother me morally. I figure I'm being observed also.
But, I've had public experience with being observed when I was young, I did some modeling work.

 

[An Arctic fox]

I understand it isn't viable for everyone. It could overwhelm you and sometimes it does me.
I have to be in a good mood.
It doesn't bother me morally. I figure I'm being observed also.
But, I've had public experience with being observed when I was young, I did some modeling work.

Yeah. It gives me anxiety to assume I'm being observed though.
That's cool!

 

[Suzanne]

From my experience in the nt typical environment, I would say that it is universal the difficulties of reading body language and it is only those who have huge difficulties interacting in social settings, that even bother to think about it.

I tend to overread and misread body language ( well, in truth, that is what nt tell me, so perhaps I have read right, but they are willing to accept).

I did it subconscously and probably due to being unaware that I was on the autism spectrum.

 

[Gracey]

there's a site,

leb.fbi.gov

and the topic 'Reading People. Behavioural anomalies and investigative interviewing.

it's a wordy article but may offer key words you'd like to research further,
such as 'linguistic markers'
'non verbal behaviours' and so on.

I realise you may not interview potential friends like an FBI special agent
but there's some interesting information on there and an opportunity to 'start somewhere' in terms of your own research and preferred learning style.

 

[Bolletje]

I used to just go out to bars and observe people, sometimes strike up a conversation with them. I learned a lot doing that.

 

[paloftoon]

You can also ask a therapist to practice this with you.

 

[Canismajoris]

Here's the problem. You can't do it from an intuition standpoint. That's how NT's do it and how they can do it so naturally. For us, the only way we can do it is to do it cognitively. Which means you have to actively think about what you're doing. i.e mentally entering into a theatrical mode. The down side of doing this is that it but your brain under a full load(like the CPU in your mind is running at 100% all the time). Practice can help you get better at it but you will never be as good as an NT.

I was late teenager when I read a book about bodylanguage. Cant remember the title anymore... But it helped me a lot! I figured bodylanguage as an algorithm: if you see this, that meant this. Yes, it does require some extra processing power and will overheat my CPU in crowds, but despite of those negative issues that one book helped me very much in social situations.

The best would be if people would just say what they think, but that is not how NT's operate.

 

[FreeDiver]

I was late teenager when I read a book about bodylanguage. Cant remember the title anymore... But it helped me a lot! I figured bodylanguage as an algorithm: if you see this, that meant this. Yes, it does require some extra processing power and will overheat my CPU in crowds, but despite of those negative issues that one book helped me very much in social situations.

I grew up in the 80's and I was aware of the concept of body language. The problem was, I thought that body language was only use in romantic situation. An animistic way of attracting a mate. I had no idea that it was use in everyday communication. I was aware that being in crowds made me tired. But I just keeped on toughing it through, hoping I would get used to it. But of course, that never happened.

The best would be if people would just say what they think, but that is not how NT's operate.

That's the main problem. You don't get any feedback. It's like driving blind. You just keep on bulldozing through and you don't realize the damage that's been done until it too late.

 

[anacrusis]

As a teenager, I realised I wasn't "fitting in" and that some of that was down to not understanding social cues and body language. I got a copy of Desmond Morris' "Manwatching" as a starting point, and just started watching how people interact. For a while it became one of my special interests, I found more books (this was before we had the internet) and yes, practised also. Gradually I got better at reading people, and built up a sort of internal database of what people are likely to be thinking based on their reactions to others. I don't always get it right even now, but then, I don't think NT people do either: I'm probably better at reading people now than many NTs are, and have learned which responses seem to work best too. It is still very hard work though, and I'm constantly asking myself if I'm doing the social stuff correctly.
The phone now, that is such a tough one: I hate it. There's no access to the visual cues I've learnt to read, and I worry constantly that I'm getting it wrong. I can tell some things - an upset voice at the other end, or an angry one, but often come off the phone wondering if there were hidden agendas that I've missed.

 

[WildCat]

Don't overthink and don't assume, and also know that not everyone gets it right or isn't as skilled as you might think they are. It takes a lot of practice, but keep learning through trial and error and you'll get the hang of it.

 

[Judge]

When I see such questions, the first thing I think of is something that can plague a great many people on the spectrum. Any process of communication (verbal or otherwise) that occurs in real-time.

The problem being real-time itself. Where for whatever reasons, many of us just get flustered. Where in many cases we might be able to "work the problem", but only after the fact. Which I suspect for most NTs would seem too little, too late.

On occasion I might perceive body language in real-time, but in most cases it's after the fact. My bad.

 

[Canismajoris]

you don't realize the damage that's been done until it too late.

This happened just today for me. Booom! I hate it.