IntoTheVoid
Well-Known Member
(sorry for grammar mistakes. English is not my first language).
So today I visited a psychiatrist specialized in autism and finally got my diagnosis.
I got there like 30 minutes before and thinking about how much autistic it is being there so early. I waited for 20 minutes and then I rang the bell. She welcomed me and let me in. I put my jacket on a rack, the rack fell and hit the wall. And I was like "Whooopsie" and she explained this happens every time so I guess it's ok.
She was actually really nice and kind to me and I kinda enjoyed the whole interview. She really seemed to understand my... weirdness.
She asked me:
"So why do you think you have Asperger's syndrome and what made you think so?"
And I was like: "weeeeelll... Um.. You know. I've always kinda knew what autism is, but I was totally wrong. I had the shallow viewpoint that autism is someone who can't tie his shoes or maybe he's like Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang, but recently I read a book about it and realized it's something very different. And then I realized it's totally me. The book is about me!"
And I knew I am objective in this matter, because I had the feeling I might be "something" many times, but eventually I've always dropped the idea after deeper research. But not autism... It was the opposite. The deeper my knowledge was, the more convinced I was.
"So I decided to see an expert to confirm it or refute it!"
So then we talked and talked and talked for three hours.
And she gave me various tests and asked many questions - always assured me I can refuse to reply if the question makes me feel uncomfortable. Some of them were really intimate, yes.
She also asked about sensory issues.
"When I was young I had a carpet and I hated the carpet. It was horrible to touch it. I eventually took it and threw it into a trash can."
"And what happened next?"
"My mum came in and asked me where is the carpet."
"And what did you answer?"
"It disappeared, I said."
"Okay..."
Then she told me: "I have two more tests to do, however there is not point, because I know you have an Asperger's syndrome."
And I was like: "Wait... What?!"
"Sorry to drop it like that, but Aspergers usually hate when I talk and talk and talk when they want to know their diagnosis. So after many years of being a psychiatrist I better say it very quickly."
"Holy moly!"
"You're probably shocked now."
"Er... Kinda. But actually I don't feel pretty much anything. It's weird. I imagined this moment in my head many times, wondering what it will be like. And now it happened and I feel nothing."
"That's pretty common. Everybody feels like that in this moment."
"You know, most aspies online, on Reddit and on many communities are scary that they are NOT aspergers and the psychiatrist confirms it. I mean, it makes sense, because it leaves their questions unanswered and they have to start again with searching for their identities."
"Yes. Some of my patients really WANTED the diagnosis and I really could have seen it."
"Some people are 'self-diagnosed', and it's kinda controversial, because you can't be an Asperger just because you decided so. But on the other hand it makes sense, you know. Because in some countries it's very hard to get diagnosis. There are many bureaucratic obstacles or it's expensive and I think deep inside the person just knows he or she has certain patterns of behaviour. I mean, they're not stupid, so I understand it."
"I totally agree with all your points."
"It's interesting to have a diagnosis though. I am kinda surprised in the same time. I had many doubts. I am not autistic in some ways. For example I understand an irony."
"And also you can keep an eye contact."
"Do I? Really?"
"Yes. You avoided it first when you're shy and uncertain but when you dive into some topic and you lost in your speech about some things, especially your interests, you keep the eye contact all the time."
"Oh... I didn't know that."
"But you speak very fast and you have very untypical way how you pronounce certain words. All in all you're rather highly functional. And it's very difficult to notice your autistic patterns first. But after the day we've spent here, I totally can see it."
And basically we've spoken like that for hours. Not literal quotes tho - just how I remember it.
Eventually I left with my new diagnosis.
Wow, just wow. It happened.
Then I checked my phone and realized I have a message from a friend. The message asked: "How are you?" and I replied with: "Autistic"
Soo that's it. I just wanted to share
So today I visited a psychiatrist specialized in autism and finally got my diagnosis.
I got there like 30 minutes before and thinking about how much autistic it is being there so early. I waited for 20 minutes and then I rang the bell. She welcomed me and let me in. I put my jacket on a rack, the rack fell and hit the wall. And I was like "Whooopsie" and she explained this happens every time so I guess it's ok.
She was actually really nice and kind to me and I kinda enjoyed the whole interview. She really seemed to understand my... weirdness.
She asked me:
"So why do you think you have Asperger's syndrome and what made you think so?"
And I was like: "weeeeelll... Um.. You know. I've always kinda knew what autism is, but I was totally wrong. I had the shallow viewpoint that autism is someone who can't tie his shoes or maybe he's like Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang, but recently I read a book about it and realized it's something very different. And then I realized it's totally me. The book is about me!"
And I knew I am objective in this matter, because I had the feeling I might be "something" many times, but eventually I've always dropped the idea after deeper research. But not autism... It was the opposite. The deeper my knowledge was, the more convinced I was.
"So I decided to see an expert to confirm it or refute it!"
So then we talked and talked and talked for three hours.
And she gave me various tests and asked many questions - always assured me I can refuse to reply if the question makes me feel uncomfortable. Some of them were really intimate, yes.
She also asked about sensory issues.
"When I was young I had a carpet and I hated the carpet. It was horrible to touch it. I eventually took it and threw it into a trash can."
"And what happened next?"
"My mum came in and asked me where is the carpet."
"And what did you answer?"
"It disappeared, I said."
"Okay..."
Then she told me: "I have two more tests to do, however there is not point, because I know you have an Asperger's syndrome."
And I was like: "Wait... What?!"
"Sorry to drop it like that, but Aspergers usually hate when I talk and talk and talk when they want to know their diagnosis. So after many years of being a psychiatrist I better say it very quickly."
"Holy moly!"
"You're probably shocked now."
"Er... Kinda. But actually I don't feel pretty much anything. It's weird. I imagined this moment in my head many times, wondering what it will be like. And now it happened and I feel nothing."
"That's pretty common. Everybody feels like that in this moment."
"You know, most aspies online, on Reddit and on many communities are scary that they are NOT aspergers and the psychiatrist confirms it. I mean, it makes sense, because it leaves their questions unanswered and they have to start again with searching for their identities."
"Yes. Some of my patients really WANTED the diagnosis and I really could have seen it."
"Some people are 'self-diagnosed', and it's kinda controversial, because you can't be an Asperger just because you decided so. But on the other hand it makes sense, you know. Because in some countries it's very hard to get diagnosis. There are many bureaucratic obstacles or it's expensive and I think deep inside the person just knows he or she has certain patterns of behaviour. I mean, they're not stupid, so I understand it."
"I totally agree with all your points."
"It's interesting to have a diagnosis though. I am kinda surprised in the same time. I had many doubts. I am not autistic in some ways. For example I understand an irony."
"And also you can keep an eye contact."
"Do I? Really?"
"Yes. You avoided it first when you're shy and uncertain but when you dive into some topic and you lost in your speech about some things, especially your interests, you keep the eye contact all the time."
"Oh... I didn't know that."
"But you speak very fast and you have very untypical way how you pronounce certain words. All in all you're rather highly functional. And it's very difficult to notice your autistic patterns first. But after the day we've spent here, I totally can see it."
And basically we've spoken like that for hours. Not literal quotes tho - just how I remember it.
Eventually I left with my new diagnosis.
Wow, just wow. It happened.
Then I checked my phone and realized I have a message from a friend. The message asked: "How are you?" and I replied with: "Autistic"
Soo that's it. I just wanted to share