Hidden Autistics

[Ylva]

Not written by me.

Moral: Stereotypes are so prevalent even professionals can't keep it real.

http://www.aspiestrategy.com/2012/05/hidden-autistics-aspergers-in-adults.html

 

[MEDL86]

It's sad, but true, stereotypes have become our collective identity, and always enforced by those outside the spectrum. Unfortunately, we're the only ones who can change that, and it's with self advocation and awareness.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I didn't realize I'd read this before until one line. "So Mr. Autistic is shaking because his wife got angry! Ha ha! Shouldn't you be indifferent and focusing on dinosaurs?" Probably read it a year ago when I was going on my first research binge. Still makes me mad on that dude's behalf.

 

[Ylva]

I'm thinking that when actors hang with autistics to prepare for a role as an autistic character, they forget that for accuracy the character would have to be hanging out with people like the actor. It's stupid when Parsons or Deschanel play the alone-version of their character as though there's other people in the room.

 

[Nacho]

I'm thinking that when actors hang with autistics to prepare for a role as an autistic character, they forget that for accuracy the character would have to be hanging out with people like the actor. It's stupid when Parsons or Deschanel play the alone-version of their character as though there's other people in the room.

That is right

 

[NiceCupOfTea]

I don't really know what to say. It seems to me "Joe" could just as easily be an introvert as an autistic. I suppose if he got an actual diagnosis of Asperger's, then it's a lot more likely he really does have it - but nothing yells "autism" to me from that article. Not being facetious, but if withdrawing from your wife after a long day of work is a characteristic of autism, then most married men would probably be eligible for an autism diagnosis. I don't know many men who are eager to engage with their wives/partners after getting home from work.

I do think the group's treatment of "Joe" sounded perilously close to bullying, though. The group counsellor was crap for not knocking that on the head, no matter what her personal beliefs were.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Aye. Sometimes a shy, awkward nerd is just a shy, awkward nerd. I started to say autism is of four S's. Social, Stimming, Sensory, and Specialities / Special Interests. Which throws a kink in my list that its said 20% or so of autistics don't have sensory issues. Eh, it's a start.

 

[Ylva]

autism is of four S's. Social, Stimming, Sensory, and Specialities / Special Interests.

Sometimes I vaguely suspect that if you separate out all the traumatic experiences, the SPD, and the social anxiety resulting from the former, we'd just be left with a aversion for eye contact.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Sometimes I vaguely suspect that if you separate out all the traumatic experiences, the SPD, and the social anxiety resulting from the former, we'd just be left with a aversion for eye contact.

Which could possibly still stray in SPD territory as visual hypersensitivity if they find faces painful to look at or from social anxiety if connecting with a person likes that runs up their anxiety. Sometimes I think echolalia and perseverance would be all that's left, but that probably goes into OCD or Tourette's somewhere. One thing I've been pondering on is what qualifies as a comorbid and what is plain ol' autism. Severity? Symptom overlap can be such a pain in the butt! Quite literally in some cases.

 

[Ylva]

Which could possibly still stray in SPD territory as visual hypersensitivity if they find faces painful to look at or from social anxiety if connecting with a person likes that runs up their anxiety.

Maybe the only actual difference is nonconformity.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Maybe the only actual difference is nonconformity.

True dat. Half of our issues wouldn't be issues if it wasn't for other people saying they're an issue!

 

[MEDL86]

True dat. Half of our issues wouldn't be issues if it wasn't for other people saying they're an issue!

That could be said for everything that doesn't fit in the social "norm" criterion.

 

[Progster]

I've read biographies by one or two people who started out life as being quite severely autistic (or their symptoms were severe) and have managed to overcome them to the point that they managed to blend in at work or in social situations to appear to be 'normal', but that person is still autistic and has to make a constant conscious effort to fit in and act neurotypical. One can change one's outward behaviour, but not the way the brain is configured, so a 'Joe' who is born autistic will always be autistic, no matter how he or she appears in public.

 

[Mia]

I've read biographies by one or two people who started out life as being quite severely autistic (or their symptoms were severe) and have managed to overcome them to the point that they managed to blend in at work or in social situations to appear to be 'normal', but that person is still autistic and has to make a constant conscious effort to fit in and act neurotypical. One can change one's outward behaviour, but not the way the brain is configured, so a 'Joe' who is born autistic will always be autistic, no matter how he or she appears in public.

Agree Progster, I'm one of those people who can 'fit in' but if you look and watch me closely you'll see someone who doesn't really want to be there, who is busy so that don't have to interact socially too much. Who disappears, stays in conversation for a few minutes, hides their anxiety, becomes helpful, interested in the pets or plays with the children. Wanders off in the garden, helps the cook, sets the table, tidies up, all to avoid social contact.

 

[Spiller]

Not long ago this article would have described me almost to a T, though I also had to contend with the wife.. the bathroom and garage - my only hiding places - might have agreed, could they talk though.

I've often wondered how much of us is ASD if you take away the comorbids.. I strongly suspect that much of the diagnostic criteria, difficulty with socialising, eye contact, stems from being alienated and so feeling extreme anxiety which makes everything so much harder..

If we spend our lives learning about and trying to hide the differences our peers focus a spotlight on, then we're not going to want to make eye contact or talk too much, just in case the rejection happens yet again.
How many Autistics have lifelong friends, I wonder..

My feeling is that high functioning ASD's make only a small difference in current society - they were accepted in the past, they may become acceptable again in the future but, for now, society is too rigidly structured to allow for us.

 

[MEDL86]

I've read biographies by one or two people who started out life as being quite severely autistic (or their symptoms were severe) and have managed to overcome them to the point that they managed to blend in at work or in social situations to appear to be 'normal', but that person is still autistic and has to make a constant conscious effort to fit in and act neurotypical. One can change one's outward behaviour, but not the way the brain is configured, so a 'Joe' who is born autistic will always be autistic, no matter how he or she appears in public.

Both my brother and I have A.S. but he's fully functioning in every way because he was diagnosed early enough to take preventative action. He's able to do things that I have to focus hard on, whereas he doesn't. There's 10 years between us in age, and that made all the difference for him.
Unfortunately, I was 17 at the time, and neither had the time, nor capability to adapt to normal life. He was given opportunities that I was, and still am denied (learning to drive, for example), and that makes it all the more worse to me.

 

[Progster]

Agree Progster, I'm one of those people who can 'fit in' but if you look and watch me closely you'll see someone who doesn't really want to be there, who is busy so that don't have to interact socially too much. Who disappears, stays in conversation for a few minutes, hides their anxiety, becomes helpful, interested in the pets or plays with the children. Wanders off in the garden, helps the cook, sets the table, tidies up, all to avoid social contact.

I understand. I teach for a living, and I'm one of those 'Joes' who can act NT, but inside I'm constantly anxious or on edge, the teaching is a constant and sustained effort to be cheerful and give the appropiate response, which leaves me exhausted and at the end of the day I just want to be alone and shut down. I have the strong desire to withdraw and not have to concentrate. Teaching and social interaction goes against my natural state to want to remain silent and in my own head, and I constantly have to fight the tendency to withdraw. Paying attention for 5 hours a day, and talking are incredibly difficult, but I must hide this part of me and not let it show to others.

At social events such as barbecues, etc, I also tend to wander off and busy myself with something rather than join in the conversation. It's a good coping menchanism for such events.

Both my brother and I have A.S. but he's fully functioning in every way because he was diagnosed early enough to take preventative action. He's able to do things that I have to focus hard on, whereas he doesn't. There's 10 years between us in age, and that made all the difference for him.
Unfortunately, I was 17 at the time, and neither had the time, nor capability to adapt to normal life. He was given opportunities that I was, and still am denied (learning to drive, for example), and that makes it all the more worse to me.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 41 years old, and as a kid I was always pushed and encouraged out of my comfort zone by my parents and I had no excuse for not doing all the things that others do, even though I found them hard. My parents had the attitude that if I tried and failed, it was ok, as long as I at least tried. There were some things that I simply couldn't do, but luckily I wasn't forced to do them. But not at least trying to do them was not acceptable. So I learned always to at leat try to do something. I think that this allowed me to develop and learn coping mechanisms. And that's what I'm like now. Sometimes I'm in despair and don't want to do something at first, but then I come back and make myself do that thing, or at least try to do it.