Addressing the title of this thread first and foremost:
No, your diagnosis didn't solve anything.
Neither did mine, back in 1985. Back in those days, nobody knew anything about autism, so it was up to me and my family to be advocates. It's pretty much the same as today, only today people know
a little about autism, and a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. You will still have to do the legwork yourself.
The world isn't magically accepting of autism, unfortunately. If you're going to a therapist, you need to make sure your therapist is familiar with autism spectrum disorders in addition to whatever comorbids you have. If not, they will drop you once they find out you're autistic, or they maybe won't even take you on as a patient. It's a pain finding the right therapist, even without autism, but the right therapist is out there. If you need services from the state (vocational training, occupational therapy, clubhouse services, etc.) you will have to jump through more hoops proving that you really need these services.
I know, it's a lot of effort, and it's effort you may not be willing or able to expend. That's fine, just as long as you know it really is a lot of effort and you're prepared for it.
Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)
I'm right there with you.
I don't know how to regulate myself in a healthy way either. I have severe alexithymia (emotion blindness) and due to my autism I can't pick up on others' emotions very well. Sometimes I melt down in surprising and frightening ways. Basically the only thing I can do is regulate the factors that lead to a meltdown. Mentally prepare myself, then try to mitigate these factors proactively
before the meltdown rather than during (when I can't do much of anything). Due to the alexithymia, I have to avoid meltdowns proactively because I have no way of knowing when they're coming on.
I would also recommend Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It has been recommended that I try it, and I have been practicing it in a support group setting, but this particular support group explained DBT from the middle, like I had already been familiar with it. I am a rank beginner at DBT, and if I were to start at the very beginning and work my way up, I'm sure it would help me.
I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..
And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...
This sounds like depression and self-sabotage. I know both of these too well. These are common problems that a therapist should be able to fix, just not easily. It takes a lot of mental retraining to break out of this vicious cycle of negative thinking, or even just to give less credence to dark thoughts.
There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.
Yeah.
Depression is like that sometimes. It freaks a lot of people out. I won't talk to anyone about my depression unless they're depressed themselves, because otherwise they would never understand. I have suicidal thoughts constantly in the back of my mind. That doesn't mean that I'm actively suicidal, just that I have very dark intrusive thoughts. Fortunately, my depression is managed well enough that I'm not tempted to act on these thoughts.
So yeah, for me, suicide is always a possible outcome, even though I'm not suicidal. But please, get help before your depression gets out of control.