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Help, my diagnosis ( obviously) didnt solve anything.

Iamnotarabot

Iamnotarabot

Well-Known Member
It's been days that im moving in circles in my room doing nothing after my diagnosis was done.

It didnt help me much, it just says that many of my problems are related to something with a name.


But it didnt help me moving on, outside of the "WOW I HAVE AUTISM" moment ( the reveal that I had like 5 months ago now so the effect kinda worn off)

Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)


And I have that growing feeling that ASD adhd and even depression might not just be the only prb.


I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...

There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.
 
Avoid suicide ,I am not criticising you but if you're telling someone you need to talk to a therapist !about suicide ,go to the resources section of autism forums and look up hotlines for. France .
If you commit suicide and you are revived your life will not be your own ,you will either be committed to a psychiatric hospital or you Will no longer control what you take.
I'm not well enough to speak so I have to stop
 
I wish I had known about my Asperger's a long time ago. I've been living my life without understanding why certain things make me crazy and confused, or that I would do well in certain hobbies or careers. When I am uncertain of what kind of move to make, I usually make no move at all. When I stall, I have to rethink everything in my life, all over again, to choose a path. Since there is no such thing as a "cure" for ASD, we simply have to manage it and live with it as best as possible.

Make a list of your strengths and interests, understanding why these things appeal to you. Try to put these things into your life. Life is full of trial and error. Too often people try to do everything successfully and they get angry when they fail. Give yourself permission to make a mistake. Experience is learning and learning is profitable. Please be patient with yourself and maintain your own standards. Be proud of yourself.
 
Thanks, What I should do is not feed the anger inside me I guess, but it would mean I have to give up on basically improving my place socially? I dont know it feels weird.

Its like the only thing that ever make me progress in life is a part of me I dislike.

Its a kinda a loop of thinking, Like, I think I have to go back on track to get better , going back to unni to get a better grade and so a better job.
But deep down I feel like I have to become someone I dont want to be to get to that point.
Then I cant help but thinking that actually mean that I should just kill my self, if having a place in society means I have to trade my soul for it, becoming some social predator.


Realy at the end of last year, to get my grade , I clearly remember that my thinking was so contradictory it felt like someone else was taking control over me.
When I had my grade I had like the darkest intents.
 
A label isn’t going to change anything immediately. It’s up to you to break habits and make changes.
 
Iamnotarabot said:
Thanks, What I should do is not feed the anger inside me I guess, but it would mean I have to give up on basically improving my place socially? I dont know it feels weird.

Its like the only thing that ever make me progress in life is a part of me I dislike.

Its a kinda a loop of thinking, Like, I think I have to go back on track to get better , going back to unni to get a better grade and so a better job.
But deep down I feel like I have to become someone I dont want to be to get to that point.
Then I cant help but thinking that actually mean that I should just kill my self, if having a place in society means I have to trade my soul for it, becoming some social predator.


Realy at the end of last year, to get my grade , I clearly remember that my thinking was so contradictory it felt like someone else was taking control over me.
When I had my grade I had like the darkest intents.
Click to expand...
Don't cut yourself off from your feelings, that's the problem ,anger is a very strong feeling but try to sit still when you feel angry ,it's a big sign to your emotions that you are not threatened ,I'm very well aware that it is not easy to do.
Ask your therapist if you haven't had CBT, to try that, they may give you tips to help with anger ,they gave me one to help with panicking .
 
Streetwise said:
Are you speaking to me
Click to expand...

I quoted the post I was answering to^^


Streetwise said:
Don't cut yourself off from your feelings, that's the problem ,anger is a very strong feeling but try to sit still when you feel angry ,it's a big sign to your emotions that you are not threatened ,I'm very well aware that it is not easy to do.
Ask your therapist if you haven't had CBT, to try that, they may give you tips to help with anger ,they gave me one to help with panicking .
Click to expand...

Yeah but how? xD
Joke aside, its super hard to explain, I HAVE to build up anger sometime, its not always the same patern but there is 2 that I can recognize.
Sometimes It's because I am too excited or I dont know disturbed, so I have to do something physically to reset myself,I dont think this is the same as my real problem, this part of me doesnt bother me.

But the real problem is that weird thing that makes me feel like someone esle is in my head, I guess its a part of me that is bitter and angry about everything and wants revenge, and this is the part of me that made me successfull the few time I was the last 10 years.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Iamnotarabot said:
It's been days that im moving in circles in my room doing nothing after my diagnosis was done.

It didnt help me much, it just says that many of my problems are related to something with a name.


But it didnt help me moving on, outside of the "WOW I HAVE AUTISM" moment ( the reveal that I had like 5 months ago now so the effect kinda worn off)

Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)


And I have that growing feeling that ASD adhd and even depression might not just be the only prb.


I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...

There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.
Click to expand...

Essentially after I got the diagnosis I took a month. It didn’t hit me at first but I then realized my situation and what I needed to do to help myself. My psychologist after he diagnosed me recommended I do not tell my work or if I do that we need to come up with a game plan because most people will see using autism as an excuse.

In my case my jobs took it quite well but my family did not. In fact the same people who said behind my back and in my face that I have a problem or I’m bipolar or they just trying to diagnose me. The conversations are the responses I received where I was OK and nothing was wrong with me the same people who claimed I had one problem or another now denied the true problem.

Eventually I discovered how I can use my diagnosis to my benefit it’s took me a year and a half but it help me get a fantastic government job.

Sadly most people don’t see the diagnosis for the Autism. They see a normal person who they think is very intelligent and they overestimate me.

How do I deal with this? One step at a time. Online is an issue because we have self diangosised people occupying spaces that are supposed to be for us. Typically in my city all the autism events are up north and inflatrated by self diangosised people who hijack the events
 
Sounds like you’ve learned some bad emotional management habits. Learn new ones? CBT is good for that.
 
You're right that those things are not your only problems, or even problems in themselves. One of your most important problems might be that you are still trying to do things the allistic, non-ADHD way.

To use an old computer analogy, it's like you've always been trying use your computer according to the Windows manual, and one day you realize it's a Mac. You need the Macintosh manual and new habits.

And to take your computer to a repairman, or more literally let yourself heal. Therapists are actually worthless, because they keep trying to operate you as not-a-Mac even after you tell them. If you find a competent one anyway I can only day I envy you. I have to self-therapize with REBT books and meditation. Creative stuff like tarot, drawing, and reading novels can help as well.
 
Yes, unfortunately most doctors will not give you a whole lot of information to help, even after a diagnosis. And even a specialist may just focus on one way to assist, when that client has lots of other issues. So, here are some quick ideas.

You may find one or more of the below helpful, depending on your desires or situation, and depending on what you have tried, if any. I have tried some of those on our two autistic children, one of which has adhd too, after thinking of ways to help them be more comfortable in life,

Adhd: Either try medication to help with cluttered, disorganized thoughts, or finding non-med ways like taking notes, allow extra time to do things, adult coloring books or other activity to start having your mind focus more in detail, which could then carry over to other things.

Communication: Practice answering interesting or typical random prompt questions each day, that you created prior, either alone or with trusted other, learn interesting facts about numerous major topics, self help exercises to build esteem, worry less, to think more positively

Sensory or motor issues: Occupational or physical therapy, avoid or reduce sensory triggers, tell others of your sensory issues or needs

Empathy skills, polite manners: Research such, and practice focusing on facial expressions, postures and mannerisms of others, and understand what each could mean through research or analyze what they are saying after such. Also, try to imagine what you could be thinking or feeling if you were in the same exact situation as them. Pay attention to those who say, thank you, please, sorry, etc, and understand that those polite sayings said every now and then, after getting things, asking for things, or doing things that seem as wrong, respectively, show good character or proper etiquette to others.

Idioms, figurative language: Read a book with dozens of examples and memorize what they mean.

Routiines: Practice replacing anxious ones or ones that seem more improper, with similar or different ones that may be more comfortable to yourself or acceptable to others.

Life skills: Pick one you need help with, practice it daily, and add new a life skill each month, to promote more independence and confidence.

Anxiety, depression, obsessions, anger etc: Either use a medication to help with such, or research self-help or more natural ways to help. I have detailed some specific ways that helped me with my severe social anxiety, and ocd type issues, in a post more recently, and much earlier after joing this forum. Depression and anger issues can be helped in such ways too, besides meds, or using a combination if need be.

Support Group: Talk about yourself, your abilitties and/or needs; ask others for answers or help, or relay similar experiences. The more one posts specifics, often the more advice and support received.
 
I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my forties; hence, misdiagnosed for decades. I had taken psychology classes in order to receive my degree so I had come across Autism and certainly recognized many traits that pertained to me -- Aspergers and being on the Spectrum back in the 80's was not a common term back then. So when I was diagnosed it came as no surprise however it was comforting, for now, I knew "officially" why I am the way I am. It's not always an easy road to travel as you very well know. However, some of the greatest most famous in many fields (and many not so well known) have lived fulfilling lives along with giving to the world in some manner, be it science, medicine, art, literature, music, etc. Google some time famous people with Aspergers, past, and present; astounding! When I went through rough times, my mind going around and around in a loop; negative thinking that I believed was boarder line OCD, I had my doctor prescribe a small dose of SSRI antidepressant; some of these attributes are biochemical in nature and sometimes medication is needed to quell such thoughts that go on and on and on. I am living a wonderful life, enjoy my hobbies and interests, along with my solitude, though I am fortunate to have a few very good friends and do enjoy socializing. However, after socializing I always need to decompress; time to myself. And please, if you are indeed suicidal you really need to talk with someone. I have been there and I thank goodness I did not succeed for life can be good. I wish you the best and glad you have found this site.
 
Iamnotarabot said:
It's been days that im moving in circles in my room doing nothing after my diagnosis was done.

It didnt help me much, it just says that many of my problems are related to something with a name.


But it didnt help me moving on, outside of the "WOW I HAVE AUTISM" moment ( the reveal that I had like 5 months ago now so the effect kinda worn off)

Generally speaking I have still no real clue on how to regulate myself in a healthier way
(If you have like a website or something like with 20 steps i dont know, I feel like asd isnt the only prb and when ever I search for something I end up dumping so many informations at the same time I just dont use them , I search for everything at the same time.)


And I have that growing feeling that ASD adhd and even depression might not just be the only prb.


I dont know , its like, I have no motivation to do anything in my life, I try to think rationnaly about what I should do but this isnt realy coming from inside...I dont know who I am realy or what I want..

And when ever I try to move on in life, be like productive, its because I let another part of me take over, I have to be honest at this point it feels like this person is someone else, like, a dark version of me, that is only motivated by anger and revenge...

There always a part of me that think suicide as a rationnal outcome also. I don't know how its possible but sometime I think about it because I suddenly get very low but sometimes its just an idea that feels like normal and rationnal.
Click to expand...


First I want to acknowledge the very tender space that you are in right now. I can imagine that you were hopeful and/or told that having a diagnosis would explain some of the experiences you have in life--and that alone would change things for you.

In time, with support, and with tools and deeper understanding, it will!

That doesn't though make painful feelings go away. The truth is, your painful emotions are actually their to support you in finding your way to the deeper truth about yourself--ASD or not, you are valued, you are gift to this planet and you are here to have a joyful experience in life and make a contribution to the lives of others with your unique gifts and your unique orientation to the world.

The best thing that you can do for yourself right now--stay up all night if needed, and identify as many expert psychologists in Aspergers as you can find. Set up appointments with them by phone by asking for 15 minutes of their time and interview them! Do not stop until you find one who you feel safe, heard and clearly understood by.

Getting this support from a trained professional therapist who specializes in working with people with ASD will begin your journey toward deeply valuing yourself and finding tools to ease your life and your experience with it and you will find the joyful experiences in life that you came here to experience.

While you are searching for such a person, I cannot say enough about the work from the folks at Asperger Experts. Founded and operated by two young men who have Aspergers who have found a way forward in life that makes sense for them and helps others better relate and support those with Aspergers.

I have spoken with Danny directly and he is not only a genius, as I am sure you are as well, he is a compassionate, kind and thoughtful expert who really gets this, because he has Aspergers! Here is a link to their website. https://www.aspergerexperts.com/. I have found tips from his site that have been life-changing for me as a mother of a teen with ASD that I did not find in my years of research and talking with other parents of kids on the spectrum.

There is hope! And you may not see that right now which is why you need to find support from others who can hold that hope with and for you.

You are here on this planet to make a contribution with the gifts you have and there is a way for you to truly see and value those gifts, through and with your diagnosis. Please take a look at AE and do your research and find an expert therapist to work with who deeply understands ASD, mindfulness and somatic energy work. You will find great relief in this work and you will find the value for your life that seems challenging for your to now identify.

Be kind and compassionate with yourself.

So much love and blessings to you.
 
Last edited:
Iamnotarabot said:
Thanks, What I should do is not feed the anger inside me I guess, but it would mean I have to give up on basically improving my place socially? I dont know it feels weird.

Its like the only thing that ever make me progress in life is a part of me I dislike.

Its a kinda a loop of thinking, Like, I think I have to go back on track to get better , going back to unni to get a better grade and so a better job.
But deep down I feel like I have to become someone I dont want to be to get to that point.
Then I cant help but thinking that actually mean that I should just kill my self, if having a place in society means I have to trade my soul for it, becoming some social predator.


Realy at the end of last year, to get my grade , I clearly remember that my thinking was so contradictory it felt like someone else was taking control over me.
When I had my grade I had like the darkest intents.
Click to expand...

There is an aspect to what you're describing here which sounds like the "dark night of the soul," and you should know that this is actually taking you to a very enlightened place. But it does suck on your way there. I just want you to know that this though is not about having Aspergers, it's about being a deeply sensitive and soulful human being. You are probably very, very wise beyond your years and you have a big contribution to make in this world, so please do not cut your life short and deprive us all from benefiting from your gifts.

You need a highly skilled therapist who understands ASD and is deeply spiritual who can help support you on this journey of the soul. I would also recommend any kind of spiritual group you can find to talk about those issues and what it feels like to have to conform to society in order to be accepted. I promise you that you do not need to sell your soul to find your place in the world, in fact, living from your soul, and finding others who do the same, is how you will find yourself, not by conforming to societies ideas of "norm."

I can tell by your writing and what you have shared that you have a brilliant and insightful mind. You just haven't found your tribe yet and so that is critical to your sense of inner safety and personal motivation as you take this journey.

Here are some good books on soulful journey. I highly recommend anything by Carl Jung. You have been invited to explore what it means to be human and find your purpose. An invitation that is given to each and every one of us, yours for the taking.

https://www.amazon.com/Modern-Man-Search-Soul-Jung/dp/1684220904

The anger and rage you are feeling mean you are alive and there is something beneath that anger and rage that is waiting to be birthed. You can find safe and healthy ways of navigating that anger and rage that are neither self-destructive, nor harmful to others. You can create ways to move those energies through your body so that you can experience the peace that waits behind them. Running long distances is one way, learning how to meditate is another, playing basketball for hours at a time, until you are physically exhausted... lots of ways out there, positive ways to release anger and rage. Google it! I'm going to bet you are a highly skilled researcher. There's a job that will value your ASD orientation and will not require that you sell your soul.

Keep writing!
 
Amy Susan Rose said:
I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my forties; hence, misdiagnosed for decades. I had taken psychology classes in order to receive my degree so I had come across Autism and certainly recognized many traits that pertained to me -- Aspergers and being on the Spectrum back in the 80's was not a common term back then. So when I was diagnosed it came as no surprise however it was comforting, for now, I knew "officially" why I am the way I am. It's not always an easy road to travel as you very well know. However, some of the greatest most famous in many fields (and many not so well known) have lived fulfilling lives along with giving to the world in some manner, be it science, medicine, art, literature, music, etc. Google some time famous people with Aspergers, past, and present; astounding! When I went through rough times, my mind going around and around in a loop; negative thinking that I believed was boarder line OCD, I had my doctor prescribe a small dose of SSRI antidepressant; some of these attributes are biochemical in nature and sometimes medication is needed to quell such thoughts that go on and on and on. I am living a wonderful life, enjoy my hobbies and interests, along with my solitude, though I am fortunate to have a few very good friends and do enjoy socializing. However, after socializing I always need to decompress; time to myself. And please, if you are indeed suicidal you really need to talk with someone. I have been there and I thank goodness I did not succeed for life can be good. I wish you the best and glad you have found this site.
Click to expand...

https://www.aspergerexperts.com/
 
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