Hi,
I have 5 boys and my second eldest is 12 and has high functioning asd. He has gone from being normally lovely and trustworthy and respectful to a completely different kid. He has stolen alcohol and cigarettes, he reconnected with a friend from primary school who reackons he is an "eshay" so my darling boy decided he wanted to become one too so he even tried making bongs at home (we think we have dealt with that). His violent outbursts have increased and are happening more often. He had cognitive testing done and his English skills are that of an 18-30 year old, he is soooo smart and has always done school work above his grade but last years report card was the complete opposite. We are hoping it was just because he moved from primary school to high school, at school he is in the special education department simply because the routine is more regimented, smaller class size, less noise, and he will be able to build a bond and trust easier with the teachers and the teachers will almost always be familiar (that's the hope anyway). His father cant wrap his head around the asd and just says his behaviours are because he is nasty or attention seeking and our son will end up in jail before he turns 18 he just really does not get it or understand at all. They do not have the best relationship so a lot of the time I feel as though its just me its exhausting. Nothing has really changed so I just don't know what is going on with my beautiful boy. He sees a psychologist (but hasn't been able to see him for about a month due to the holidays and the pysch changing clinics) and he has a paediatrician. Anyway just thought I'd see if anyone has any ideas or advice
What you are describing, unfortunately, is not that uncommon. I say this not to minimize the situation, but simply to point out you are not alone with this phenomenon.
What I am going to say is from the perspective of someone who: (1) an autistic with a "photographic" memory, and clearly remember those details about myself at that age, (2) a parent who has raised two boys, (3) someone who works at one of the largest children's hospital in the world, who is a prolific reader of the scientific literature, and has some understanding of developmental neurobiology, and (4) works side-by-side with a predominantly female staff,...moms, who often discuss their children.
1. Socially and psychologically, my interpersonal skills were not up to the level of my peers,...not an obvious thing as a child, but as a pre-teen things started to become more difficult. 11-13 years of age,...I was very insecure,...frankly, everyone is insecure,...trying to be "cool" and trying to "fit in". Anyone who was "different",...regardless of the reason,...was a target of bullying. Those "middle school" years were absolutely awful. All of sudden is was cool to curse like a drunken sailor, pick on kids, verbal, physical abuse. For me,...my way "out" was athletics,...just be the strongest kid in school,...and the bullies backed off,...it was the only way I could survive. This was the time when people discovered smoking cigarettes, marijuana, amphetamines,...girls were groped and fondled,...it was terrible. Now, today, the kids are on social media,...and the peer abuse is relentless,...at least when I was a kid, we could escape. Kids now-a-days can't turn that crap off. Throw in ASD,...things are likely amplified.
2. The pre-teen and teenage years,...hormonal changes,...neurotransmitter changes. I was calm and relaxed,...or highly aggressive and angry. When I was in high school,...lifting weights,...a testosterone level off the scale,...I would literally lie in bed, muscles pumped, breathing heavy, sweating,...could hardly sleep. I would be "pumped up" 24/7,...for years. My personality,...I was a total jerk,...and nobody dared challenge me physically. My hair-trigger temper and my physical ability,...you're "messing with Sasquatch".
My own boys were not athletic,...but once that testosterone kicked in,...dear Lord,...absent-minded,...my wife and I were "on them,...all,...the,...time." We were so tired. Brush your teeth, put your dirty laundry in the hamper, how come you didn't turn in your homework,...on and on. How could incredibly intelligent boys turn into complete idiots?
3. "Asperger's" and "high-functioning autism" is one of the "low dopamine" neurological conditions. Having said that, we are always seeking a "dopamine hit". Winning a video game, getting a "like" on a social media post, the dopamine hit from a hard workout, a smile of acceptance from a peer,...and especially a girl. Whatever it is, if his friends are laughing and giving him positive feedback,...that crap is a powerful thing,...like an addictive drug. Do a Google Scholar search for "autism and dopamine",...you will find several scientific research articles on the topic.
I don't know if anything I said "hits home",...I could write a lot more on the topic,...but I'll save you from myself. I hope this helps.
