Hello

[SkyForever]

Hello I'm Sky,

I’ve been weighing up for a long time whether to join an online community or not but I’ve now decided that maybe it might be worth a go. I’m struggling loads with my health, anxiety and depression mostly. Most days are really hard and I haven’t a friend in the world, just me. Every day I feel sick, sometimes I faint and I’m not eating a lot. The last seven years have been horrible. I lost my dad to a heart attack and my sister suffered from cancer before passing away in a car accident. It was all horrible change and I couldn’t process it at the time and now it’s almost unbearable to live with. I still have my mum but we’ve grown distant, or maybe it’s me who’s distant. We don’t talk, we hardly see each other even though we’re living in the same house and it’s causing my anxiety to be so severe. I can hardly breathe at times and I feel awful all the time. I’ve been trying to get into some hobbies but I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I used to enjoy my writing and walking but my legs are really painful now which stops me from doing much walking and I purely don’t enjoy writing now. I enjoyed music to but now it just irritates me, I find I can’t stand any sounds really so I don’t watch tv either. I’ve been feeling really low for a long time and I feel like it’s never going to get any better, I feel like life is just horrible and that there’s nothing worth continuing on for. I hate my life. I hate everything about it. I'm hideous, I'm rubbish at everything and I have nothing good ahead for me. I just want to go to sleep and stay sleeping like sleeping beauty. I hate it that every day I know I'm going to have to go through the trials and horrors again. I'm so tired of it. I did have a job but my health got bad and I stopped that before last Christmas. At work every co-worker hated my guts, I heard them whispering behind my back sneering and laughing at me. I had that at school as well. Everyone hates me, even my mum does. Sorry for moaning, its just I feel totally alone in the world and want to find some people who understand me and want to be my friends.

Sorry for the long introduction. I just felt I wanted to be honest and get that off my chest.

Sky.

 

[Aspertastic7]

Hi and welcome, Sky!

Thank you for the pure honesty in your introduction post. I was concerned about joining a forum, too, but this is a very helpful and friendly place, i tell you! I hope you find some useful advice and some like-minded people here. I'm always open to some kind conversations, so feel free to contact me if you want to talk!
Tough times are the ones you can learn the most from. I believe in you!

Have a nice evening!

 

[tree]

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Hi Sky and welcome to the forums . You came to the right place.

 

[Len Huppe]

Hello I'm Sky,

I’ve been weighing up for a long time whether to join an online community or not but I’ve now decided that maybe it might be worth a go. I’m struggling loads with my health, anxiety and depression mostly. Most days are really hard and I haven’t a friend in the world, just me. Every day I feel sick, sometimes I faint and I’m not eating a lot. The last seven years have been horrible. I lost my dad to a heart attack and my sister suffered from cancer before passing away in a car accident. It was all horrible change and I couldn’t process it at the time and now it’s almost unbearable to live with. I still have my mum but we’ve grown distant, or maybe it’s me who’s distant. We don’t talk, we hardly see each other even though we’re living in the same house and it’s causing my anxiety to be so severe. I can hardly breathe at times and I feel awful all the time. I’ve been trying to get into some hobbies but I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I used to enjoy my writing and walking but my legs are really painful now which stops me from doing much walking and I purely don’t enjoy writing now. I enjoyed music to but now it just irritates me, I find I can’t stand any sounds really so I don’t watch tv either. I’ve been feeling really low for a long time and I feel like it’s never going to get any better, I feel like life is just horrible and that there’s nothing worth continuing on for. I hate my life. I hate everything about it. I'm hideous, I'm rubbish at everything and I have nothing good ahead for me. I just want to go to sleep and stay sleeping like sleeping beauty. I hate it that every day I know I'm going to have to go through the trials and horrors again. I'm so tired of it. I did have a job but my health got bad and I stopped that before last Christmas. At work every co-worker hated my guts, I heard them whispering behind my back sneering and laughing at me. I had that at school as well. Everyone hates me, even my mum does. Sorry for moaning, its just I feel totally alone in the world and want to find some people who understand me and want to be my friends.

Sorry for the long introduction. I just felt I wanted to be honest and get that off my chest.

Sky.

Hello Sky and welcome!

I can see that you have been through a lot. You do not have to suffer alone in silence. Here we support each other and that is a beautiful thing. I encourage you to connect with others and make new friends. I will gladly be your friend.

My condolences for the loss of your father and sister. May I ask how long ago that happened? If you ever want to talk about things there are plenty of us here willing to have a chat. Its very therapeutic I assure you. I hope to hear from you soon.

Don't give up !

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here, people are friendly and supportive. Things have been very tough for you, I am very sorry for your losses. There's always an interesting threads to read here, and to respond to if you feel like it. What kind of writing do you do, that sounds interesting? A good hobby for a quiet person, too. Hopefully you'll get some support from being here, so we'll done for arriving!

 

[Aspychata]

Hey - l appreciate your honesty. I think l went and received antidepressants when l felt really bad. It really helped me. And later l was off them. Have you considered getting a appointment with a medical specialist? Welcome to the site.

 

[Giraffes]

Hi SkyFowever and welcome, sorry for your loses and i sence THAT your despair, depression, self loathing and anxiety can feel all consuming and become a way of being, me i haVE Myself often felt the way you feel, this forum i hope will give you the connection, knowledge and sence of community that may give you that small glimmer of hope that you can feel differently about yourself and what your life can be, if you want by all means message me YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

 

[Jumpback]

Hi sky!

 

[Sarah S]

Hello and warm welcome to the forum Sky

To me it sounds like i do when im DOWN in that BIG dark black pit

You defenetly have allot on youre plate thats for shore and as felow traveller in that road i can relate to much of that BUT as others have said from now on you are NOT alone and my pm is wide open if you like to get a friend that KNOWS how it is when lifes constantly kicks back att you and life is a constant upphill battle or if you so which a NEVER ending emotionell roller couster of never ending problems

And last take it from someone that has been there DONT bring youre self like that Sky. Youre NOT worthless /rubich att anything and NOT all hates you.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[SkyForever]

Hello everyone,

Thank you for all of your replies. I am overwhelmed by all the love, support and friendship that this community has! I really wasn’t expecting so many replies to my post, though I hope you all know that I am so very grateful for all of your lovely messages. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t reply to each of you personally. I promise you I have read all of your messages though. I’m sorry many of you have felt the same way I do or still feel this way. It has helped to read that I’m not alone though. I’m sorry we all feel this way sometimes, I don’t like it. It’s a horrible feeling. But hopefully I won’t be feeling that way for much longer. I’m going to engage in the forums now and meet you all and hopefully make some more friends along the way.

To answer a few questions. I love writing, it’s the one light which helps me when I feel overwhelmed by the darkness. I like writing fictional stories, makes me feel relaxed and happy. I used to write every day all day but now it’s only a few times a week, though I do want to try and get back into it again soon.

And I lost my dad in 2014 and then my sister in 2016. Losing two people who I loved more than anything was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I can’t really explain what it felt like other than it broke my heart. The pain from losing them still hurts me now and I feel like it always will. I used to do so much with them, especially my sister, we did everything together and now where they were it’s like there’s just an empty space there. So I guess that’s how death feels for people, that’s how it is for me at least.

And I am on anti depression medicines and was seeing a therapist as well but have been unable to see her since the lockdown started where I am. So that's hard as I was seeing her weekly. I'm hoping after lockdown my doctor will change my medicines as right now I feel they aren't helping.

Thank you all for your support and friendship, it really does mean so much to me.

Best wishes,
Sky.

 

[Sarah S]

Hello everyone,

Thank you for all of your replies. I am overwhelmed by all the love, support and friendship that this community has! I really wasn’t expecting so many replies to my post, though I hope you all know that I am so very grateful for all of your lovely messages. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t reply to each of you personally. I promise you I have read all of your messages though. I’m sorry many of you have felt the same way I do or still feel this way. It has helped to read that I’m not alone though. I’m sorry we all feel this way sometimes, I don’t like it. It’s a horrible feeling. But hopefully I won’t be feeling that way for much longer. I’m going to engage in the forums now and meet you all and hopefully make some more friends along the way.

To answer a few questions. I love writing, it’s the one light which helps me when I feel overwhelmed by the darkness. I like writing fictional stories, makes me feel relaxed and happy. I used to write every day all day but now it’s only a few times a week, though I do want to try and get back into it again soon.

And I lost my dad in 2014 and then my sister in 2016. Losing two people who I loved more than anything was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I can’t really explain what it felt like other than it broke my heart. The pain from losing them still hurts me now and I feel like it always will. I used to do so much with them, especially my sister, we did everything together and now where they were it’s like there’s just an empty space there. So I guess that’s how death feels for people, that’s how it is for me at least.

And I am on anti depression medicines and was seeing a therapist as well but have been unable to see her since the lockdown started where I am. So that's hard as I was seeing her weekly. I'm hoping after lockdown my doctor will change my medicines as right now I feel they aren't helping.

Thank you all for your support and friendship, it really does mean so much to me.

Best wishes,
Sky.

Reg youre meds whatever you do DONT repeat DONT stopp taking them (i get it you think they arent working and you should defenetly bring this up to her when you talk to her next time )

With this HORIBLE added situation its no wonder that us with alredy messed up minds (what i mean is different diagnosis and in NO way shape or form is this meant as insulting anyone im talking about my messed up mind & brain ) suffer even more then we normaly do in a normal world.

Have you asked youre doc if you could do phone or over the internet sessions ?

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

Welcome to the forums sky. We are all here for you and I have been down in the dark hole many times and I also believe that the only time you should look down at someone is to help them up. In other words I don't judge people and I like to be helpful so anytime you need to talk you can pm me as well...

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome Sky.

I just found your post and certainly relate.
You've described mostly how I feel since losing everyone in my family.
I like to sleep and get away from it all too, until I get into the dream state and the memories
of having people I loved and loved me makes me feel awful when I wake up knowing this is
how life feels now. Empty and alone.
It has been seven years for me and everyday just feels the same.
Time keeps on going by.

I don't feel I will ever feel any different either.
But, I can hope we find some meaning and life will gradually get better.
Going to a grief therapy group was how I first found I had traits of Asperger's.
The counselor over it noticed and talked with me about it.
I didn't know anything about it, so I went to a psychologist and was diagnosed.
Anytime if you would like to talk about these feelings, let me know.

 

[Ezra]

Hi! Nice too meet you!

 

[SkyForever]

Reg youre meds whatever you do DONT repeat DONT stopp taking them (i get it you think they arent working and you should defenetly bring this up to her when you talk to her next time )

With this HORIBLE added situation its no wonder that us with alredy messed up minds (what i mean is different diagnosis and in NO way shape or form is this meant as insulting anyone im talking about my messed up mind & brain ) suffer even more then we normaly do in a normal world.

Have you asked youre doc if you could do phone or over the internet sessions ?

I've thought of just stopping my meds a few times but I know they do at least help a little so I won't stop taking them, though when I'm feeling especially bad it is very tempting!

I'm so sorry to hear you struggle as well! Hugs to you!! I hope things get better.

I'm going to phone my doctor on Monday andhopefully that will help

 

[SkyForever]

Hi! Nice too meet you!

Hi it's nice to meet you too

 

[Sarah S]

="SkyForever, post: 695073, member: 24571"]I've thought of just stopping my meds a few times but I know they do at least help a little so I won't stop taking them, though when I'm feeling especially bad it is very tempting!

" I understand that BUT TRUST me when i say its dangerous and i have had a few friends (other forums NOT related to ASD btw ) were they have crached and burnt not to mention Phycikly as well from stoppring there meds cold Turkey . What you also have to understand is it takes a certain time for the meds to work. "

I'm so sorry to hear you struggle as well! Hugs to you!! I hope things get better.

" Aw thanks so do i my friend "

I'm going to phone my doctor on Monday andhopefully that will help

" Please do that and in the mean time you know were i am youre are NO longer all alone

Oh and my self im not on any meds for any of my diagnosis never have never will as i have learnt to cope with them and whats alredy broken is broken so not more they can destroy in my life anymore "