hello there ! :)best thing about my son is he is wonderfull:)

[Autistamatic]

I don’t know if they still categorise autism under a mental disorder .

It is and there are active campaigns to get that changed. Autistic people are regularly undermined by that fact which has led to the ATU scandal.

 

[BrokenBoy]

there are active campaigns to get that changed.

Sounds bad.

 

[Mary Terry]

This is it Mary you understand as with all the best intentions sometimes there is only so much a person can do and everyone needs help so I think you have it about right to see if you can get him some live in help if you are in a situation to do that that would be ideal. How well do you know your nephew as does he have any other way of communicating if he likes someone or not? As he could tell you if he likes the carer or not ..and a good way to go about it if you have to have a live in carer is to take it a little at a time introduce him slowly in short visits for him to get used to the person and you are near by so you can keep an eye on the carer make sure your nephew is being treated right..good luck. Or you could employ someone who lives nearby to go in and do duties etc see how it goes and if he needs more help get someone to live in.Hewill be lonely without his mum he is very lucky to have you.Actualy you have reminded me that my sons dad has two other brothers so there may be some extended family there that would be willing to help my son if the worst should ever happen,unfortunatley his grandparents on bothe sides are just realy not nice people who sadly do not care about him or me .Anyway good luck to you he is very very lucky to have you

I'm very close to my nephew and I think he communicates with me better than anyone else except maybe his mother. He will answer yes or no to questions but really struggles to "volunteer" words, as I call it. He told me one time that he wanted to live in our spare bedroom upstairs - it's a big open space with a bathroom, windows on three sides and the stairway is in the garage, separate from the downstairs of our house. It would be a perfect place for him if that is what I end up having to do.

I think he would be able to tell me if he didn't like his care-person but probably unable to tell me why. Nanny-cam would be useful and I'd tell the live-in person that there are cameras in all the common areas of the house, no audio recording, and no cameras in bedrooms and baths.

He needs full time care and shouldn't be allowed to live alone. He can't drive, talk on the phone or to other people, or cook food so he really needs someone to do things for him.

His mother's side of the family are all autistic themselves and live out of state so no help from them. I'd love to find an autistic adult who is very self-sufficient to move in with him because they would understand how he is, his need for routines and his food preferences, his love of classical music and TV game shows, etc. He rarely has meltdowns like he did when he was a child but his care-provider would need to know of the potential and what to do in that event - which is do nothing and leave him alone until he calms down, which is what I did when he was growing up. Then, after he calms down, I try to find out what triggered him so we can fix it or prevent it from happening again.

He is a sweetheart whom I love very much.

 

[SusanLR]

That would be something I would love to do for another autistic if I were alone.
I'm older, can drive locally alone, shop and get groceries, cook, clean, and I'd probably get along
with someone like that who likes a routine, game shows, and maybe board games.
I can do household finances very well also.

I know from my own experiences though, he will feel very lost and unhappy living with someone
he isn't connected with. It's been seven years living with someone I only slightly knew when I moved in with him and it just doesn't seem to ever get comfortable. It just doesn't feel like home.

 

[Mary Terry]

That would be something I would love to do for another autistic if I were alone.
I'm older, can drive locally alone, shop and get groceries, cook, clean, and I'd probably get along
with someone like that who likes a routine, game shows, and maybe board games.
I can do household finances very well also.

I know from my own experiences though, he will feel very lost and unhappy living with someone
he isn't connected with. It's been seven years living with someone I only slightly knew when I moved in with him and it just doesn't seem to ever get comfortable. It just doesn't feel like home.

Susan - Someone like you would be perfect. He doesn't have much money - he gets social security disability and I assume he would get some additional government money such as survivor benefits after his mom dies and whatever money his mom has saved (probably none) so I'm thinking I could offer a free place to live in exchange for taking care of him. He is easy to be around, quiet, has a good sense of humor, and loves jigsaw puzzles. He walks for an hour every day on his treadmill to stay in shape. His mother occasionally hires a maid to clean the house and has a lawn service to deal with the grass cutting.

 

[Streetwise]

Susan - Someone like you would be perfect. He doesn't have much money - he gets social security disability and I assume he would get some additional government money such as survivor benefits after his mom dies and whatever money his mom has saved (probably none) so I'm thinking I could offer a free place to live in exchange for taking care of him. He is easy to be around, quiet, has a good sense of humor, and loves jigsaw puzzles. He walks for an hour every day on his treadmill to stay in shape. His mother occasionally hires a maid to clean the house and has a lawn service to deal with the grass cutting.

Have ever thought of having someone live with you for certain length of time? so it would be normal for him!!!!! like another you !!!then they could live with him !!it's like desensitisation if you're phobic

 

[SusanLR]

From my experience, you never get desensitisation from having someone beside whom you are used
to living with you. That is the worst part of it, or it was for me.
I learned to do certain things on my own as I grew older, but, if someone else had been introduced into
living in the house with me and Mom I would never have stood still for it.
The turmoil I felt when anyone stayed with us, which wasn't very often, was so stressful.
I couldn't wait for them to leave!

Taking steps to do what you can on your own will help. Doing things alone is not easy, but, you can try
and it helps as you may become more able and secure in doing so.
But, losing the ONE that you feel comfortable with was the hardest and for me no one could fill that
feeling of having lost half of myself.
It is that inability to connect and feel totally comfortable and trusting of another that lingers on.
And that creates a feeling of totally alone.
It is very hard to live with that loneliness and knowing you need to mask all the time with someone else
around you in the house.
Having someone who understands and is helpful with you is one thing, but, there is no one who can
fill that hole in your world.
At least I haven't found it.