Hello! Recently self-diagnosed, excited and confused

[DissolvedGirl]

Hey everyone! I am so happy forums like these exist, they've been eye-opening.
I've only recently realized I'm an aspie, after stumbling upon checklists and blog which described so much of my experience.
A part of me is still in awe of all this, but I couldn't find any better explanation for all my sensitivities, weird crying meltdowns, overactive mind, existential fatigue, difficulties with crowded places, other kinds of social difficulties and, very often, the feeling I can't cope with all I have of my plate, feeling overwhelmed, feeling I don't have enough energy to do it all. The focus on truth and honesty, the confusion regarding all sorts of social norms and manipulative behavior, the self-doubt, the highly creative and sensitive mind, the love for nature & all living things, the preference for significant alone time, the little rituals and routines, the efforts of coping with a change of plans. The mood swings, the intensity of all feelings, the inner confusion, the need for self-expression. The feeling I don't belong. The special interests, the enthusiasm I feel when I talk about them. I'm the most enthusiastic person I know while talking about climate change and the slow end of the world )
Only now, at almost 29 years old, finding this out is truly confusing. Ever since I connected the dots I've been unwillingly obsessing over this and trying to find the "real" me beneath everything I've learned so I can act "normal".
I wish I had a formal diagnosis so I know for sure but I'm poor and female specialists are scarce in my country. I'm hoping to get some answers here, and I already have, you guys are amazing in your support and ability to share and make one feel welcomed. I'm also hoping to get things out of my mind, otherwise I'll be stuck with them.

Thank you! Looking forward to some stimulating conversations and necessary revelations!

 

[tree]

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autismforums!

 

[Nitro]

Hi DissolvedGirl

 

[DissolvedGirl]

Welcome to Autismforums!

Thank you! Happy to have found this place! Everyone is so friendly and helpful!

 

[DissolvedGirl]

Hi DissolvedGirl

View attachment 44926

Hello!

 

[DissolvedGirl]

Thank you!

 

[Streetwise]

Hey everyone! I am so happy forums like these exist, they've been eye-opening.
I've only recently realized I'm an aspie, after stumbling upon checklists and blog which described so much of my experience.
A part of me is still in awe of all this, but I couldn't find any better explanation for all my sensitivities, weird crying meltdowns, overactive mind, existential fatigue, difficulties with crowded places, other kinds of social difficulties and, very often, the feeling I can't cope with all I have of my plate, feeling overwhelmed, feeling I don't have enough energy to do it all. The focus on truth and honesty, the confusion regarding all sorts of social norms and manipulative behavior, the self-doubt, the highly creative and sensitive mind, the love for nature & all living things, the preference for significant alone time, the little rituals and routines, the efforts of coping with a change of plans. The mood swings, the intensity of all feelings, the inner confusion, the need for self-expression. The feeling I don't belong. The special interests, the enthusiasm I feel when I talk about them. I'm the most enthusiastic person I know while talking about climate change and the slow end of the world )
Only now, at almost 29 years old, finding this out is truly confusing. Ever since I connected the dots I've been unwillingly obsessing over this and trying to find the "real" me beneath everything I've learned so I can act "normal".
I wish I had a formal diagnosis so I know for sure but I'm poor and female specialists are scarce in my country. I'm hoping to get some answers here, and I already have, you guys are amazing in your support and ability to share and make one feel welcomed. I'm also hoping to get things out of my mind, otherwise I'll be stuck with them.

Thank you! Looking forward to some stimulating conversations and necessary revelations!

just remember no country is perfect,even where Aspergers was named which is my country ,only started in 1991 ,to a larger percentage of the population, there is still a man in my country who was diagnosed when he was 83 ,there are members on this forum who are in their 60s, 70s and 80s and it is still very common, in most countries for women to be called hypochondriac or anxious, instead of autistic or diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
there is still the archaic view that autism only affects human males .
and even in Australia or North America or the United Kingdom or Europe !people can't afford diagnosis.
just because people are diagnosed in those countries ,doesn't mean everybody who is autistic is being diagnosed ,there are probably people who have died who have never been diagnosed .
I wasn't diagnosed until I was nearly 46 ,it is very common, when I became a member of this forum a year and a half ago I was shocked now I'm not shocked.
do you need what is called accommodations( that is help in the place that you are employed or where you are being educated because you are autistic )do you have health problems ,it is very common for people who are autistic to be very sensitive to prescribed drugs ,especially antidepressants .
I take an anti-depressant but it is very mild because I knew they had bad side-effects .

 

[DissolvedGirl]

just remember no country is perfect,even where Aspergers was named which is my country ,only started in 1991 ,to a larger percentage of the population, there is still a man in my country who was diagnosed when he was 83 ,there are members on this forum who are in their 60s, 70s and 80s and it is still very common, in most countries for women to be called hypochondriac or anxious, instead of autistic or diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
there is still the archaic view that autism only affects human males .
and even in Australia or North America or the United Kingdom or Europe !people can't afford diagnosis.
just because people are diagnosed in those countries ,doesn't mean everybody who is autistic is being diagnosed ,there are probably people who have died who have never been diagnosed .
I wasn't diagnosed until I was nearly 46 ,it is very common, when I became a member of this forum a year and a half ago I was shocked now I'm not shocked.
do you need what is called accommodations( that is help in the place that you are employed or where you are being educated because you are autistic )do you have health problems ,it is very common for people who are autistic to be very sensitive to prescribed drugs ,especially antidepressants .
I take an anti-depressant but it is very mild because I knew they had bad side-effects .

Thank you for your comment! Yeah, from all I've read, there's a lot of misunderstanding, and it's even more difficult if you're a female like me.
Fortunately I was lucky to be able to learn easily, the real stressful subjects were the exact science ones, like maths. I've been put on so many treatments and they all hindered my progress and confused me even more. They gave me Xanax when I was 12, imagine that. And after a really bad depressive episode, I received a huge-ass treatment with anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers etc which would just make me faint in the morning, it was ridiculous.
It took me a long time to get rid of all these pills and I feel much better without them, it was only then when I started to understand myself properly.
So now, looking back, I have lots of missing memories and confusing events in my life because of those treatments, so it's even harder to tell what was going on. But reading about the Asperger's experience, a lot of it started to make sense, and I realized I spent a lot of time trying to understand people, fit in, communicate properly, have friends, etc, and I developed all sorts of coping mechanisms intuitively and then never gave them a second thought, assuming it's a natural thing people do.

 

[Streetwise]

Thank you for your comment! Yeah, from all I've read, there's a lot of misunderstanding, and it's even more difficult if you're a female like me.
Fortunately I was lucky to be able to learn easily, the real stressful subjects were the exact science ones, like maths. I've been put on so many treatments and they all hindered my progress and confused me even more. They gave me Xanax when I was 12, imagine that. And after a really bad depressive episode, I received a huge-ass treatment with anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers etc which would just make me faint in the morning, it was ridiculous.
It took me a long time to get rid of all these pills and I feel much better without them, it was only then when I started to understand myself properly.
So now, looking back, I have lots of missing memories and confusing events in my life because of those treatments, so it's even harder to tell what was going on. But reading about the Asperger's experience, a lot of it started to make sense, and I realized I spent a lot of time trying to understand people, fit in, communicate properly, have friends, etc, and I developed all sorts of coping mechanisms intuitively and then never gave them a second thought, assuming it's a natural thing people do.

coping mechanisms are natural for NTs,The human brain is only designed to cope with a very small amount of stress because we have a developmental disorder our level of stress is even lower.
you will have heard of soldiers drinking -alcohol is a very common self medication for stress ,another common self medication is to cut the skin ,coping mechanisms which are common to both types of neurology.

 

[DissolvedGirl]

coping mechanisms are natural for NTs,The human brain is only designed to cope with a very small amount of stress because we have a developmental disorder our level of stress is even lower.
you will have heard of soldiers drinking -alcohol is a very common self medication for stress ,another common self medication is to cut the skin ,coping mechanisms which are common to both types of neurology.

Yes, makes sense. For sure, coping mechanisms are natural for NTs. I was referring about developing coping mechanisms to deal with things that other people seem to have no issues with, from dealing with social interactions to dealing with places with a lot of stimuli. I used to cut as a teen, when I was in a benzo&winter-fueled depression, and it used to help release some of the inner tension and pain I was feeling.

 

[Streetwise]

Yes, makes sense. For sure, coping mechanisms are natural for NTs. I was referring about developing coping mechanisms to deal with things that other people seem to have no issues with, from dealing with social interactions to dealing with places with a lot of stimuli. I used to cut as a teen, when I was in a benzo&winter-fueled depression, and it used to help release some of the inner tension and pain I was feeling.

The problem is autistic people can make a sweeping generalisation ,all people individual !even people that aren't autistic could have the same problems !if they haven't been socialised ! like people with :down syndrome ,just !!!!have clinical depression ,have been sexually or mentally abused from childhood ,my mother was a solicitor (which is a lawyer who doesn't speak in court )and she helped people !who have typical neurology !- they do strange things ,people with obsessive compulsive disorder who have typical neurology do strange things.
Brain damage could mimic autism for a certain period of time and you have to develop coping mechanisms with that ,my mother had Lou Gehrig's disease before she died .
I think she was neuro diverse !maybe autistic and she definitely had a coping mechanism of grinding her teeth because she couldn't speak.

 

[DesertRose]

....it is very common for people who are autistic to be very sensitive to prescribed drugs ,especially antidepressants .
I take an anti-depressant but it is very mild because I knew they had bad side-effects .

I can't help but wonder if maybe that is why I cannot take antidepressants. ..I was on one for a couple of years and it caused heart problems, that one after many trials that had bad effects. I've now tried almost all of them and none are acceptable because of side effects or adverse reactions. There's no anxiety drugs I can take either. This is something I need to research more.

 

[DissolvedGirl]

I can't help but wonder if maybe that is why I cannot take antidepressants. ..I was on one for a couple of years and it caused heart problems, that one after many trials that had bad effects. I've now tried almost all of them and none are acceptable because of side effects or adverse reactions. There's no anxiety drugs I can take either. This is something I need to research more.

I've had some really negative experiences with prescription meds as well. After finally quitting Seroxat, the strongest SSRI available, I actually felt better, like a veil had been lifted and I could see everything more vividly, everything was a bit more HD, if that makes sense.

Also, I noticed anti anxiety meds (benzos) give me downs. Even if I take just one to help me sleep, there's a good chance the next morning I'll feel depressed, anxious or groggy.

 

[Streetwise]

I can't help but wonder if maybe that is why I cannot take antidepressants. ..I was on one for a couple of years and it caused heart problems, that one after many trials that had bad effects. I've now tried almost all of them and none are acceptable because of side effects or adverse reactions. There's no anxiety drugs I can take either. This is something I need to research more.

you can take an amino acid called tryptophan but you have to be careful,you can also take Saint Johns wort.
but don't rely on them you have to use talk therapy you need to express your anxiety .
doctors used to prescribe tryptophan but a bad batch was made by the Japanese in the 1980s and doctors didn't want to be sued so they stopped prescribing it .
you also need to start some form of mindfulness be it exercise as in walking ,swimming ,cycling ,gardening .
music ,art ,reading a combination of the aforementioned is good as your body is not designed to do just one thing ,people of faith pray .
I pray and use adult colouring books,make greetings cards care for wild animals and some domestic animals.

 

[DesertRose]

you can take an amino acid called tryptophan but you have to be careful,you can also take Saint Johns wort.
but don't rely on them you have to use talk therapy you need to express your anxiety .
doctors used to prescribe tryptophan but a bad batch was made by the Japanese in the 1980s and doctors didn't want to be sued so they stopped prescribing it .
you also need to start some form of mindfulness be it exercise as in walking ,swimming ,cycling ,gardening .
music ,art ,reading a combination of the aforementioned is good as your body is not designed to do just one thing ,people of faith pray .
I pray and use adult colouring books,make greetings cards care for wild animals and some domestic animals.

I tried tryptophan back when you could get it here, knocked me out for 18-20 hours! St.John's Wort didn't help either. I'm one of those that type of stuff packs weight on. sometimes I feel if I look at food it will make me gain. Praying has helped me through it all, I don't know where I would be without the Lord on my side.

 

[Streetwise]

I tried tryptophan back when you could get it here, knocked me out for 18-20 hours! St.John's Wort didn't help either. I'm one of those that type of stuff packs weight on. sometimes I feel if I look at food it will make me gain. Praying has helped me through it all, I don't know where I would be without the Lord on my side.

what you need to do is find out how many grams you take per pound of weight ,in the Guide I have it obviously only has it for an average weight ,that's why It knocked you out ,it was obviously for somebody heavier .
vitamin b complex really worked for me along with potassium .

 

[DesertRose]

Thanks, I don't think it's available here anymore. However, I'm a large girl, tall and big frame and a lot "fluffy" (haha)as well, my tolerance may be really low. Same problem with a child's anti-anxiety med, hydroxyzine (I think)25mg. I break it in half and it still knocks me out. Glad I talked them down from 50mg! But I use it at night to sleep better. So, it's ok, just not during the day.

 

[sabrdawg]

Welcome It wasn't until I was 26 that I discovered I was possibly autistic, and 31 until I received an official diagnosis. I'm 35 now and a self advocate who has done a few presentations. I was elated to learn that this was a part of my identity, and I embrace it!