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hello! i'm new

NancyDrew27

Active Member
V.I.P Member
Hi there. I am a 32yo self diagnosed Aspergirl – which I discovered with the help of a counselor that I started seeing in the middle of 2020. So, like many here, I came to this fairly late.

I went looking for counseling because of a shattering breakup; I had a sense that there were patterns of abuse in my past / present relationships. I was not expecting that thread to lead me to Aspergers. At first it seemed “too good to be true”. More and more of my story (particularly the knotted parts I’d never been able to make sense of) seemed to fall into my hands in light of the diagnosis. It offered a new perspective on why I had such trouble naming my emotions, why identifying certain behaviors in others – like lying, manipulation, or even sarcasm – presented a challenge etc etc

That relief was short lived – the way I felt about Apergers was easily lost in the way most everyone else I told seemed to feel about it. Sure I had new language to explain what goes on inside, but translating it to the people who should care has been an uphill battle. Classic.

But even with all the studying (books read, podcasts listened to etc) I’m still looking for more insight into my own self - especially as it relates to supporting healthy relationships. Several of the existing threads on this forum have already convinced me that I’m in the right place. Looking forward to whatever comes of this.

P.s. The 27th book of the Nancy Drew series is The Secret of the Wooden Lady. Seemed appropriate in a tongue in cheek kinda way.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
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Welcome @NancyDrew27, I don’t honestly know The Secret of the Wooden Lady but do at least know enough Nancy Drew to know you’re on the right path.
I hope the community is just as proficiently helpful to you as they seem to be across the board.
 

Luca

charm & chaos
V.I.P Member
Welcome! :)

I’m an abuse survivor too, which has been impacted by my autism as well. I can really sympathize with you for what you went through. I’m sorry.
But you will find yourself among caring souls here :)

Nice to have you here and hope you enjoy it :)

P.s. I loved Nancy Drew when I was growing up too.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Welcome @NancyDrew27 . I hope you will find the insight you desire. I have been undergoing Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) to deal with PTSD from social and sexual isolation as a teen and young adult that messed up my self concept. I was only diagnosed at age sixty as in the 60s and 70s autism was rarely diagnosed, and I had to heal my isolation by myself. I was successful at that, but it merely buried my pain for decades.

CPT is hard work. You need to confront your damaging narrative, identifying those elements of your inner narrative that feeds dysfunction and confront them to rewrite a more healthy inner dialogue. I am amazed at the progress I am making and would recommend it.
 

NancyDrew27

Active Member
V.I.P Member
Welcome @NancyDrew27 . I hope you will find the insight you desire. I have been undergoing Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) to deal with PTSD from social and sexual isolation as a teen and young adult that messed up my self concept. I was only diagnosed at age sixty as in the 60s and 70s autism was rarely diagnosed, and I had to heal my isolation by myself. I was successful at that, but it merely buried my pain for decades.

CPT is hard work. You need to confront your damaging narrative, identifying those elements of your inner narrative that feeds dysfunction and confront them to rewrite a more healthy inner dialogue. I am amazed at the progress I am making and would recommend it.
Hi Gerald. Thanks for the tip; I'll bring CPT up in the next appt with my counselor. I'm sorry you had to wait so long for your diagnosis! I can only imagine how much harder that has made your particular journey but I'm glad CPT seems to be helping - you're very courageous to be doing that work. Narrative is definitely something I've been focused on lately too - not with any kind of formalized approach but just looking at 5 yr increments for themes or really anything that stands out.
 

Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive. It's great that you are finding some answers, and I see what you mean about how different the general understanding of Aspergers / ASD is, compared to the relief we may experience on finding out there really is a difference we are dealing with, that impacts our communication and other's views of us. Wish it was more widely known and understood, hopefully between us we can contribute to that happening!
 

Tom

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
That relief was short lived – the way I felt about Apergers was easily lost in the way most everyone else I told seemed to feel about it.

Yeah, telling people is something of a crapshoot.

I prefer not to reveal most types of personal info about myself to others (excepting spouse and pets - they know everything ;) ). I think the more labels you throw out there, the more likely someone is going to take that stereotype and run with it... in the wrong direction most likely.

Better I think that people form their opinion of one based on what one does I think.
 

NancyDrew27

Active Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah, telling people is something of a crapshoot.

I prefer not to reveal most types of personal info about myself to others (excepting spouse and pets - they know everything ;) ). I think the more labels you throw out there, the more likely someone is going to take that stereotype and run with it... in the wrong direction most likely.

Better I think that people form their opinion of one based on what one does I think.
yeah it was my parents that had the hardest time with it actually. from what i've heard, thats not too unusual even if it is a shame. to your point (especially in the workplace) i've been trying to figure out how to explain what I need in terms of partnership especially from a "boss" or manager without using the word autism. lol its been an interesting little experiment. still WIP
 

VictorR

Random Member
V.I.P Member
Welcome! I don't think the journey ever ends, but we can always get closer, and sometimes, it's the journey that's more fascinating than the destination :)
 

NancyDrew27

Active Member
V.I.P Member
Welcome! I don't think the journey ever ends, but we can always get closer, and sometimes, it's the journey that's more fascinating than the destination :)
WOW victor the resources you've compiled are really impressive.... definitely added a few of those books to my reading list. have you read "no more meltdowns" by Jed Baker? I heard him speak on a podcast and was intrigued - the thing I'm most interested in was his list of why meltdowns seem to occur in the first place. but havnt read the book so I don't know if he really gets into that. curious if you'd run across him or anything else on this subject
 

VictorR

Random Member
V.I.P Member
WOW victor the resources you've compiled are really impressive.... definitely added a few of those books to my reading list. have you read "no more meltdowns" by Jed Baker? I heard him speak on a podcast and was intrigued - the thing I'm most interested in was his list of why meltdowns seem to occur in the first place. but havnt read the book so I don't know if he really gets into that. curious if you'd run across him or anything else on this subject
Aww - thank you. No, I haven't read that book, but that's another one that I can add to my never-ending "to read" list. It'll probably take me a while to get to since I'm currently reading two, have several on the way, and am heading back to school in September so probably won't be doing too much personal interest reading until next summer.
 

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