BrokenBoy
戯言使い(Nonsense User)
I remember once saying in another thread that being autistic honestly isn't that different than personality disorders. The reason that I said that is because how autism can truly warp someone's perspective of reality not unlike some personality disorders or even psychotic disorders.
Up until I was say, 14, I had a very warped view of the world. I would end up being very awkward to be around and I didn't have a lot of friends at school because of it with the exception of some choice instances. It was so bad that at one point, when I was 12, I used to have an obsessive crush on a boy who made it clear that he didn't like me back but that didn't stop me from sexually harassing him on multiple occasions. And on another instance when I think I was like, 13 I almost accidently set fire to the entire house. I just couldn't comprehend in my head that what I was doing is not socially acceptable or awkward or incorrect.
When I finally became 14 it was then I finally develop a social "consiousness" and then my "world" suddenly began to fall apart completely. I was suddenly confronted with the fact that the way I lived life was inherently wrong and that I was, in a sense, living a lie or living in an false reality akin to The Truman Show or something. And when I was confronted with by the "real world" that I had been previously blind to, it was like a massive slap in the face and it made me end up in a spiral of self hatred which culminated with me developing clinical depression.
Since then, I've been trying my best to hide my autistic behaviors in an attempt to be like everyone else, with mixed results.
Did anyone else go through anything like this?
Up until I was say, 14, I had a very warped view of the world. I would end up being very awkward to be around and I didn't have a lot of friends at school because of it with the exception of some choice instances. It was so bad that at one point, when I was 12, I used to have an obsessive crush on a boy who made it clear that he didn't like me back but that didn't stop me from sexually harassing him on multiple occasions. And on another instance when I think I was like, 13 I almost accidently set fire to the entire house. I just couldn't comprehend in my head that what I was doing is not socially acceptable or awkward or incorrect.
When I finally became 14 it was then I finally develop a social "consiousness" and then my "world" suddenly began to fall apart completely. I was suddenly confronted with the fact that the way I lived life was inherently wrong and that I was, in a sense, living a lie or living in an false reality akin to The Truman Show or something. And when I was confronted with by the "real world" that I had been previously blind to, it was like a massive slap in the face and it made me end up in a spiral of self hatred which culminated with me developing clinical depression.
Since then, I've been trying my best to hide my autistic behaviors in an attempt to be like everyone else, with mixed results.
Did anyone else go through anything like this?